Leaves in the Wind
by Zaney HacknSlash
Summary: Hakkai's words 'if someone believes in me i owe it to them to protect myself' take on a whole new meaning when he is separated from his comrades by the rift of life and death. Angsty No pairings
1. Nightmares

Leaves In the Wind

Leaves In the Wind

_I had the strangest dream,_

_You were lost at sea_

_I found you drowning on the ocean floor_

_I woke from my deep sleep to end the misery_

_And found you lying outside of my door_

_I tried to wake you up, to shake you up_

_I found out you were dead_

_Like a leaf in the wind_

_You left me standing alone_

_To face the demons in my head_

_We're making fiction of our lives_

_Burning pages as we write_

_We read the lies between the lines_

_These dead letters won't survive_

Nightmares

Gojyo stood in the clearing, watching the mist float around him, its hazy grayness leaving a moist residue on his long, ragged, crimson hair, and on his skin, he felt cold, the icy freeze reaching in, beyond his leather jacket, past his shirt and straight into his ribcage, touching his heart. He could feel it beating, hammering against his sternum, faster and faster, building speed as his breathing raced, his mouth was hanging open a little, the cigarette had fallen out and was on the ground at his feet now, but he hardly noticed, he could only stare wide-eyed, the wind ruffling his clothes and hair, there were voices somewhere behind him, calling his name, but he couldn't make out who they were or what they wanted. The mist felt like hands reaching out to grab him now, taking hold of his arms, restraining him, and no matter how he struggled, he knew he couldn't escape; not that he planned on struggling, not that he planned on moving at all. His eyes it seemed, were all that worked, taking in the bloody mess before him, tears starting to sting his eyes, filling them up to the lids before they slid slowly, uncontrollably down his handsome face, over the scars…

Then he was running, through the mist, through the trees, branches grabbing at his clothes, tearing them, he was tripping and stumbling over roots, making his way through the darkness as quickly as he could, the fingers of the trees reaching out and scraping his face, making more blood ooze down from his forehead, over his cheeks with the tears, but he didn't care, hell, he hardly noticed. His voice broke out against the silence, trying to shatter its hold, trying to raise some form of life, but there was nothing. All around him, no matter where he looked, there was nothing. He was alone. Everything was dead…

In a flurry of blankets, Gojyo jolted up from unconsciousness, half-screaming, kicking off the bedclothes and sitting up straight in bed, panting and shaking all over. A nightmare. What the hell? Since when did grown men have nightmares strong enough to make them wake up all but screaming? He looked around the inn room, trying to get his grip on reality. It wasn't a suite, naturally, that cheap ass Sanzo never sprang for nice rooms, but at least it wasn't a misty forest in the middle of the night. It was a dirty, shoddy little room, the blankets and curtains were threadbare, the wooden plank floors were creaky, the mattress was rock hard and springy, every square inch of it was filthy dirty. Definitely not a suite. The twin bed next to his was vacant already and made to look all pretty, the cleanest object in the room without a doubt.

His roommate was gone, but Gojyo couldn't help calling for him, "Hakkai?"

Hakkai didn't answer, and the hybrid wasn't sure why, but that made him uneasy. He looked down at the trembling hand that was fisted in the blankets, ran it through his hair, trying to calm himself, and tried to remember what the dream had been about, tried to think of what had made him so afraid. He couldn't remember anything past the mist, the cold, the gore and the feeling of utter helplessness, a feeling he didn't like to feel, but was very familiar with. He'd been helpless when his mother tried to kill him, he'd been helpless as she'd beat him, and when Jien had killed her. His whole damn life that helplessness had followed him, and he'd never been able to kick it off his back. It was with him now, in this very room.

With a deep sigh, Gojyo flopped back on the pillow, groping for a cigarette which he promptly lit and dragged on, let the smoke bleed out through his nose; he closed his eyes. "Just a dream."

After a moment, when the smoke had calmed his nerves, Gojyo pealed the blankets back and stepped onto the hard, cold floor, a shudder shooting up through his body. Quickly he found his clothes and got dressed, pulled a curtain back to look out. It was still dark, a small cast of light beginning to leak from the east in faint yellows and pinks: very early morning obviously; he looked again at the made-up bed. Hakkai was an early riser, but not _that_ early.

Tired and still shaken, the hybrid made his way to the bathroom, washed his face and neck, hoping that would help bring some reality back to his life, then left the room.

The inn was quiet, most of the lights were still off, no staff members were up yet, cleaning or fetching things. He paused by the room Sanzo and Goku were sharing to listen, but there were no sounds from inside. Satisfied that he and Hakkai were the only ones up, he went on his way, down the empty hall and into the main lobby where the desk clerk greeted him. She was a pretty woman, older than he was by who knew how many years, but her face was small and heart-shaped, her eyes large and sparkling for such early morning, she had a petite, calm mouth that was fixed in a permanent smile. But Gojyo didn't feel like flirting, so he stepped outside, trampling his cigarette butt and giving life to a new one, inhaling the smoke with the early morning air.

The village they had stopped in this time was small, modest, a little dirty, but still quaint, it had a little river running through it, to the east there were mountains, to the west there was a dark smudge of forests. They'd finished with those mountains, half a month of trudging and toiling and riding in the car, listening to Goku complain. Next, the forest, and God only knew what else.

Gojyo decided to walk around a little, maybe that would lift the heaviness from his heart, maybe it would get his mind off the helplessness and the past. He turned to the left, leaving the inn behind and stepping out onto the shabby little road, where a few merchants were just beginning to set up. The air was crisp and he walked slowly, watching the smoke whirl around his head in intricate patterns of blue. He'd only gone a few yards when he heard someone behind him, hurrying, their footsteps telling him they were trying to catch up. An enemy? Out of reflex he made a fist, wondered if he should summon his shakujou.

Before he could turn around there was a heavy hand on his shoulder, and then a calm, too-cheerful voice, "Gojyo?"

He turned around to face Hakkai, all thoughts of attacking utterly replaced by relief. His friend was dressed and ready for the day, Jeep was fluttering over his shoulder and his green eyes were wide with interest, for once his smile, that famous, telltale smile, wasn't there. Gojyo stared at him, but he wasn't sure why. At last he managed to stutter, "Hey, Hakkai."

"I thought it might be you, Gojyo." The smile came into place now, but it was small, not really itself.

The Hybrid grinned, twirling a strand of his hair between his finger and thumb, "Yeah, not a lot of people get stuck with this hair color."

"You're certainly up early, I'm surprised. Ready to start the day forthwith?"

"Not so much." Gojyo muttered, blowing smoke away from Hakkai's face.

"Ah, I know what you mean, I'm not sure I'm ready for the day's journey either, but you know Sanzo, he'll be ready to go before Goku even gets hungry."

"Not possible, the punk's already hungry."

"Oh? Is he up too? Ah, I'm sorry, perhaps you were looking for me?"

"No," as soon as Gojyo had said it he wondered if maybe it was a lie, "just taking a walk."

"I see." Hakkai turned and started to stroll down the street with him, smiling very slightly, "It is a beautiful day for a walk."

"It's damn early though, even early for you, Hakkai."

The other man looked at him, almost startled, his smile gone again, his green eyes full of…something. Worry? Concern? Confusion? Gojyo couldn't tell. He said quietly, "Yes, well, my sleep wasn't exactly restful last night."

Gojyo laughed but he didn't feel like laughing, "If you could get drunk you wouldn't have _that_ problem, Hakkai."

There was a moment of silence, almost as if Hakkai could feel Gojyo's uncertain mood. "Did _you_ sleep well Gojyo?"

Gojyo didn't know how to answer, he wasn't sure he wanted to; it seemed strange to him that he and Hakkai had both had a hard time sleeping, that they were both up before the town was, but it was more than just odd to him, it was sinister, it was bizarre… In the end he just shrugged, just glad that Hakkai hadn't been there to hear him screaming.

Skillfully, Hakkai changed the subject, "We've been on the road a long time, haven't we? Soon it will be time to go home. Can you even remember our house? It's been so long…"

"Getting' nostalgic?"

Hakkai laughed a little, "No, not as such, it's more homesick I suppose, although it's a little strange to be homesick for that place."

Gojyo glared at him, more out of a joke than because he was actually offended, "Is it?"

Hakkai just smiled and they walked in silence for a few minutes. Then he said, "You know, it's not really the place I miss, it's the feeling of being there."

"Home is where the heart is."

"It's more than that," Hakkai stopped so suddenly that Gojyo got a few feet beyond him before he actually realized he wasn't beside him anymore, "it's the feeling of peace, it's the life I built there, that you helped me build. Back before all this business with Kougaiji started I was determined to live a life of peace, but it seems that can never come true."

"Hakkai," Gojyo sighed, "this'll be over some day, then you can go back, you can do what you want-teach kids if that's it-get a wife and get old, it's not like this is the end of the road for you."

"I suppose you're right in a way, Gojyo, I have no intention of dying on this journey, even so…I'm not sure that the peace I long for can ever really be mine, especially not as a youkai. How do you think our neighbors will treat us when we get back home, after all this chaos? It must not be a secret that we're youkai anymore, and even if it is, it won't be forever, someone will discover us, and then what kind of a life do you think we'll have?"

Gojyo shrugged, "Didn't think about that too much, I guess."

"You don't plan ahead." Hakkai tried to smile, but it was a ghost of the real thing. "I know what they'll do when they find out, don't you? They'll run us out of town, along with all the other youkai, I don't know where we'll wind up, there's no guarantee we'll wind up anywhere, there's no guarantee we'll wind up there together. That's just the problem isn't it?" he said more to himself than to Gojyo, "There are no guarantees."

Nervously, Gojyo glanced around. He didn't like seeing his friend depressed, it brought back the helplessness, it brought back the worry and the shame. Hakkai was closer than a brother to him, he was someone he could rely on, someone who relied on him, their relationship was strong, and when one was hurting the other wasn't far off; more than that though, Hakkai was unbelievably strong, almost as strong as the Seiten Taisei, next to Hakkai Gojyo was nothing, and his edgy moods made him nervous. He put a hand on Hakkai's shoulder, "Don't worry so much, that's a long ways away, and besides, we don't know how any of this will end, we don't know if we'll even be going home."

Hakkai's smile deepened, "Gojyo, is that you're idea of reassurance? We don't know if we'll survive?"

"No. Well…not really. Just forget it, all right? Forget all about it. Damn Hakkai, what have I told you about worrying? It's going to make you go bald."

A laugh, but it was short-lived, then Hakkai took a sharp breath, his eyes were focused past Gojyo, over his shoulder, eyebrows cocked in uncertainty or fear, mouth open a little.

Slowly, Gojyo looked over his shoulder, almost worried by what he would or wouldn't see.

There was a young man standing there, only a few hundred yards away, stark still, staring, his body stiff and ready for action, his light brown hair was breathing with the wind, he looked to be in his late teens. "D'you know him?"

Hakkai didn't answer, and the young man suddenly turned and sprinted away.

Gojyo watched him go, a strange, twisted feeling in his stomach, "Weird." He glanced back at Hakkai; he was staring after the man, his green eyes pensive and full of fire, brow creased in that same, penetrating structure, his mouth curved in a very slight but menacing frown. Gojyo had seen that look, and it made daggers go straight to his stomach, his heart started to pound again. He opened his mouth to speak but Hakkai stopped him.

"Let's get back to the Inn, Gojyo, Sanzo and Goku will be waking up soon, we have to be on our way."

"Hakkai, do you…" Gojyo followed the young man through the crowd with his eyes.

Without another word, his friend started to walk back in the direction he'd come. He glanced back at Gojyo, expectantly, "Well?"

"Nothin'," Gojyo drawled softly, flicking an ash from his cigarette, "I'm going to walk around a little, then I'll be back."

He watched Hakkai's smooth brow contort into worry, "I wish you wouldn't. Whenever you're out alone something goes wrong."

"In a little podo town like this? Not likely Hakkai. I'll see you later." He raised his hand to wave.

Faster than the speed of light, Hakkai reached out and grabbed that wrist in his tight, iron fist, Gojyo felt his flesh bruise, and he was so surprised that he gasped. That fierce look was back in his friend's eyes, different this time, more determined, tainted by something else Gojyo couldn't put his finger on. "I'm going back to the inn Gojyo, and you're coming with me." He added softly, "Please." But it wasn't a request at all; Gojyo knew there could be no refusal.

The pair stared each other down for a moment, a test of wills, then Gojyo shrugged, "'Course."

Hakkai smiled and nodded, his features slipping back into place, he released the now bruised wrist and turned away, Gojyo half a step behind him, still trying to sort through what in the hell was up with the morning.

Sanzo was irritated the moment he was awake; he didn't want to get up, he didn't want to eat inn food and listen to Goku and Gojyo fight over it, he didn't want to go out and all load into a little car, he didn't want to set out for the west again, through the dust and the dirt and the rain and the cold, he did however, want to get this ridiculous mission over with so he could go back to Chang'an, and he did want a cigarette. Annoyed by that need, he rolled out of bed and got dressed, tossed a look toward Goku's bed, expecting to see the boy sprawled out and snoring, but to his surprise, Goku was curled up under the blanket so that only the top tuft of his light brown hair contrasting with the faint sheen of his diadem could be seen. Sanzo breathed through his teeth, not sure why the sight annoyed him, then he stepped into his tall, black boots and left the room to see about Hakkai and Gojyo. He'd deal with Goku when he got back.

As the earliest riser, Hakkai was sure to be up already, but the lazy kappa would probably need a good kick in the head to get him started. Down the hall a door was open, revealing an empty room. That couldn't be the room the pair had shared last night, not that vacant space. Sanzo stopped at the threshold and looked around for a trace of his traveling companions, but all there was a few scattered beer cans, a deck of playing cards, an ashtray full to the brim with a crushed pack of Hi-lite's. Definitely the right room, but the two miscreants weren't there. That seemed strange.

Sanzo didn't waste a second worrying, they were likely nearby, besides, it wasn't his job to baby-sit them, if they didn't show up in reasonable time he and Goku would press on, with or without the jeep. "Worthless good-for-nothings."

"Goodness, I hope you're not referring to us, _Lord_ Sanzo," sneered the familiar, rough voice that Sanzo had learned to be so sick of.

He turned to face Gojyo, was startled to see Hakkai with him, both coming steadily forward, both up and ready and fully awake. It was a miracle.

"Especially since it seems we were up before you today."

Sanzo studied them. What was it that seemed wrong? The look in Hakkai's eyes? Gojyo was being as obnoxious as usual, but the sneer on his face wasn't quite legit, his predatory, red eyes seemed veiled by something different. Something…sad? That wasn't his problem.

He shook his head. "_Now_ I've seen everything, Gojyo."

The half-blood just shrugged. Not in the mood for banter? Had Sanzo woken up in a dream? A very, very good dream.

"Whatever, let's just eat and get out of here, I want to get moving while I'm still young."

"Of course, of course," Hakkai laughed, "we've already ordered breakfast. Is Goku up?"

"He will be soon." Sanzo muttered, marching back to his room. He shut the door behind him and lit the cigarette he was still craving. "Oy. Goku. Get your lazy ass out of bed, monkey."

Goku didn't move.

"Goku, get up. I'm not going to tell you again." Sanzo went across the room and grabbed the edge of the blankets. "Wake the hell up!" he tossed the bedclothes aside, revealing the balled up figure on the bed. Then he stared. Goku was already awake, his still childish face, upturned toward Sanzo, golden eyes dark and glassy, his cheeks were flushed pink, forehead moist and pale. His body shivered and he moaned a little, "…zo…?"

"Goku?" Sanzo dropped the blankets he was holding and gaped, not sure what to say or how to say it.

There was a knock on the door, "Sanzo? We're coming in. Breakfast is here so, Goku, please get up now, you don't want to keep us all waiting…do…you?"

"Shit! What's wrong with him?"

Sanzo still said nothing.

"Sanzo, please move, let me see." Hakkai shouldered past the shocked priest and sat down on the side of the bed, feeling Goku's forehead, the boy moaned and writhed a little. "He has a fever…" Hakkai sounded so confused and so shocked that Sanzo could have laughed if the situation were laughable even in the least.

"A fever?" Gojyo demanded, "That's impossible, Goku doesn't get sick!"

"It does seem odd. Sanzo, what did he do last night before going to bed?"

"What?" Sanzo snapped, glaring at Hakkai a little, "I'm not his babysitter, I don't know what he did. As far as I know he didn't do anything but go to sleep."

"I see. Goku, how do you feel? Can you eat?"

"No," the youkai twisted on his side, "no food."

Sanzo felt his jaw threatening to drop open, to think that Goku, the constantly starving ape was _refusing_ food.

Gojyo voiced his shock, "No way! This isn't right! I can't eat all this by myself!"

"Just…don't feel good…" Goku muttered.

"If you eat," Hakkai coaxed, "your fever will go down a little, don't you want to at least try?"

"Damn straight kid, you can't be sick, you're the muscle of this team."

Goku rolled over, his back to them and said no more, a simple and blunt indication.

Hakkai sighed, "We can't force him I suppose."

"_Force_ Goku to eat…damn, it just sounds so wrong."

"Sanzo?"

For the first time, Sanzo looked up from his young companion, met the concerned gaze Hakkai was holding, "I don't know what this is about, but it's not natural. I'm sure you want to go on today, but we simply cannot force Goku to travel in this condition. He _must_ rest."

Sanzo continued to hold his gaze, not sure what to say. He hadn't been planning to make Goku move, he hadn't been planning anything, he hadn't had a single thought in his head past the wall of shock and questions he was experiencing. He snorted, trying to seem indifferent, and failing, "I guess we have to stay here a few days, is that it? Damn monkey, fine time to get sick." _The first time in over three years._

So why now? Why here? There was something about it that smelled out of place, that was for sure, but he didn't feel any youkai energy, he didn't feel anything out of place, other than the strange mood surrounding them all. So why was Goku sick now, so suddenly? He was the healthiest, the strongest, he was never sick, not from food, not from weather, not from anything. That's what made this all seem so out of place.

And Sanzo knew better than to try to travel with a sick teammate, they'd be a magnet for enemies that way, Goku would be nothing but extra baggage.

Where did that leave them? They were stranded in this town. So what? Why did that make him feel so damn uneasy?

The day swept by slowly, a lazy wind breezed through the curtains, and everything was silent, the sunlight was pleasant, the day was calm, no noise for once, no fighting, no arguments, no gunshots echoing through the walls of the room, nothing, just quiet simplicity. Hakkai had his hands full taking care of Goku, sponging his forehead, administering medication, trying to convince him to eat to no avail, and more difficult than anything else, trying to keep him warm, but even beneath the mountain of blankets Goku complained of cold, and the chills only meant the fever was still rising. That meant the medication and the treatment weren't working. Hakkai wanted to heal him, he wanted to use his power to help him, but as long as there was no physical wound he was helpless. He had to sit by and watch as Goku was spread thinner and thinner.

Sanzo was quiet and sullen, brooding. He was holding his newspaper, but the way his eyes stared off into a dark corner of the room told Hakkai he wasn't reading it. He held an unlit cigarette in his mouth and he'd opened a can of beer hours before and hadn't yet touched it. Occasionally Hakkai tried to speak to him, but it was no use, the priest had nothing to say, and he answered every question with the same indistinct grunt. It was obvious he was worried about Goku, and his silence was the commonplace sign of his disconcertion. But there wasn't anything to be disconcerted about was there? It was true Goku never got sick, it was true that the sudden affliction was very much out of place and troubling, but was there really anything to be afraid of.

Hakkai knew there was. If the strongest member of the team was down they were quite vulnerable, and more than that, it simply wasn't normal. Everything about the sickness, including how the fever refused to break, was out of place. It made Hakkai very nervous.

As for Gojyo, Hakkai had seen little or nothing of him all day. He'd eaten a little at breakfast, tried to make conversation with anyone who would reply, and in the end had disappeared, probably back to the room he was sharing with Hakkai to do Lord only knew what. Play solitaire maybe. It was hard to picture Gojyo by himself for some reason: he was always with people, always making merry, always flirting or instigating or bantering with someone. Alone didn't fit him. Even when no one would talk and no one would listen, alone didn't fit him. Even though he'd lived by himself ever since he was a young child Hakkai couldn't picture his half-blooded friend alone. Sanzo preferred to be alone, Goku was usually concentrating hard on his training whenever he was alone, and Hakkai usually had a lot to do, so why had the most sociable member holed himself up somewhere away from everyone.

And why did it bother Hakkai so much?

He knew why, but he didn't want to think about it. Last night had been so restless, so full of nightmares, about Kanan and about his past, he hadn't even been able to sleep. Most of the dreams had faded in the morning, but one stuck with him like a bad taste in his mouth. He couldn't remember but a piece of it: there was a scream, whether out of terror or excitement he couldn't tell, someone called his name, and then there was blood, all over the walls, all over the floors, seeping from the ceiling, dripping and running like rain, and just before he woke up there had been a glimpse of crimson hair, drifting through the dark, red pool.

The dream had so disturbed him that he'd gotten up, hours earlier than Gojyo had, and wandered around town for all that time, trying to sort through his shaky thoughts. There had been something so real about it, something so tangible, that he couldn't quite let it go, it had gotten him to thinking about the past, about the thin line between peace and violence, happiness and anger, calm and fear. Ever since the youkai had taken Kanan those lines had seemed thinner than ever, and being on this quest wasn't making them anymore clear.

He'd had to make a decision once about whether he was going to pack up and leave town when one of his friends was as good as dead just to avoid some conflict, or save that friend's life and spill some blood-shatter his peace-in the process. In the end the peace had to be broken, and he'd spent years after that trying to decide if Gojyo had been worth that bloodshed. Sometimes he still wasn't sure, but it couldn't be helped now, he'd made his decision and he had to make the most of it.

As for the dream, as long as it was stuck in his head he was reluctant to let Gojyo out of his sight. That felt strange to him, even though he knew it shouldn't: he'd lost someone he cared about once, he never wanted to go through it again, so when he'd seen Gojyo going down the street alone in the cold, dim morning, when the dream was still so fresh, he'd naturally felt the need to stop him. It was ridiculous, he knew that, but he couldn't help it. Then there was the young man he and Gojyo had seen outside the inn. Hakkai couldn't really place him, but he got the feeling he had seen him somewhere before, and worse yet, he'd gotten the feeling he was watching them, more specifically Gojyo. Or was Hakkai just paranoid?

It all seemed so unreal. Everything was happening so quickly: the dream, the man outside, Goku getting sick without warning, it was happening in a rapid succession, it made him feel like something was going to happen that he couldn't stop. He looked at Sanzo who was still sitting absolutely motionless, not even seeming to breathe. It might be wise to mention all of this to the priest, but he didn't want to worry him needlessly. For all he knew it was all coincidence, for all he knew Goku would be better tomorrow and they could be on their way, far from this place, so until there was proof that something was actually wrong, he didn't want to pressure Sanzo with it, especially not since he was sure that Sanzo was having a hard time with what was happening to Goku: the two were so connected by some bond Hakkai couldn't really understand.

No. Sanzo had enough on his plate already, Hakkai would just have to keep his eyes open. If worst came to worse he would tell Sanzo, but until then there was no point.


	2. Bait

Bait

Bait

Eyes narrow with concentration, Gojyo stared out the window, past the curtains and to the other side of the street. He'd felt a long time ago that he was being watched, that had been back when he'd still been in Goku and Sanzo's room, wondering what in the hell had gone wrong with the monkey, and when he'd happened to look out the window he'd spotted him, the same young man from earlier, standing maddeningly still, watching the inn, overt, like he wasn't at all afraid to be seen. That's when the hybrid had retreated to his own room where he could watch the stranger alone, sure that he'd do something soon, but so far the only thing odd about the man was his ability to stand still for hours on end without even turning his head. Gojyo had gone through half a pack of cigarettes waiting for something to happen, and he was starting to feel a little foolish. But he just couldn't get it out of his head that the man outside was dangerous, especially after he'd seen that look on Hakkai's face, that look that said he was ready to kill something. It was a rare reaction, reserved only for moments when Hakkai was very, very angry and ready to do something about it. That told Gojyo that Hakkai knew something about the stranger that he wasn't mentioning, and that made him worry. Maybe the man even had something to do with Goku's illness; who knew? But he was bound to do something sinister soon, and Gojyo would see it.

Frustratingly enough though, nothing had happened yet, the man hadn't moved, Gojyo doubted he was even blinking down there. He was just watching.

With a sigh, the half-blood sank down on the bed and puffed smoke out his nose. Waiting was not his favorite thing to do, it was an all day event, and there wasn't always a reward at the end. "If this just turns out to be some crackpot with a mental case," he muttered, but didn't finish the thought due to a knock on the door.

"It's open."

He expected someone to come in, Hakkai at least, with news about Goku, hopefully good news, but nothing happened, and Gojyo repeated himself. When no one came in still he reluctantly got up from his post, muttering a little, and opened the door himself, "Yeah, yeah, who-"

The hallway was empty; there wasn't even a sound coming from nearby. The sight made the hybrid nervous and he looked around, really wishing that someone were there. He glanced down at his feet and saw that he had almost stepped on a small, white envelope with black ink Chinese on it. Still muttering, he bent to pick it up and studied it a moment. It was addressed to Hakkai.

"Damn. How can he be getting mail all the way out here?"

Gojyo almost left the room. He almost went down the hall to Sanzo's room and knocked and gave Hakkai the note, but something, a brief touch of instinct, made him stop and think _Who would send him mail?_ then go back inside and sit down and open it up.

The contents of the note were slightly shocking to Gojyo: it was addressed to Hakkai, obviously, and from the desk clerk; it went into detail about how he had caught her eye and how she would like to meet him somewhere on the other side of town at an inn, inside, on the second floor, in room 13; it also instructed that he come alone.

"The desk clerk?" Gojyo thought again about the woman: she was probably in her late thirties or early forties, too old for either of them, but she was still considerably attractive, so it wasn't unthinkable that maybe Hakkai's politeness had caught her eye, that maybe she really did want to meet with him because he was a handsome, well-mannered young man, and yet it still seemed all too fake: on the other side of town was a lot to ask when it could just be downstairs after hours, and not bringing anyone, that sounded dangerous.

Gojyo decided he wasn't going to allow it. He'd intercepted this message and he wasn't going to let something so shady go on, especially not with the spy outside. He was going to tell Hakkai all about it, and then, maybe then, they could go, together, and investigate. He added to himself as an after thought that Sanzo could stay and take care of Goku. "Don't need to get that tight-ass priest involved."

Decisively, he stood up and left the room, knocked on Sanzo's door and waited. He heard Hakkai's polite invitation to enter, then let himself in.

The inside of the room was somber. Sanzo looked to be in a complete daze, Goku hadn't moved at all, and Hakkai was lost in thought, but when Gojyo came in his face brightened up to that commonplace smile, "Ah. Good afternoon Gojyo. Is there something you need? It is past lunchtime I guess, are you hungry?"

"No, not really, I-" Gojyo stopped and studied Hakkai's overly cheerful face, tried to decide on what to say and how to begin. He glanced at Sanzo. The priest was looking up at him, a little annoyed. Something inside Gojyo buckled. Everything about this letter reeked of a trap, and he knew it, but at the moment he was the only one aware of it, if he brought it up here and now he'd consciously be dragging both Hakkai _and_ Sanzo in, and if this turned out to be dangerous who knew what might happen? His brain reworked the plan quickly and he lied, "Actually, I'm outta' smokes," he tapped his cigarette, "I was on my way to grab some more, since we'll be here a few days. Can I pick anything else up?"

Hakkai frowned vaguely, "Cigarettes Gojyo? Tonight? Are you sure?"

"Marlboro Red," Sanzo said looking back at his paper and leafing through it, "and get some more beer while you're at it."

"Hakkai?"

"No, I don't think there's anything essential. Gojyo, I don't think it's wise to go out right now…" the hybrid could practically see him groping for an excuse, "Goku's very sick."

"I could pick up some more meds if you want."

"No, I think we have enough."

Gojyo sighed, pushing for impatience, "If you don't need anything Hakkai I'll just go now."

The other man was silent, he looked at Sanzo, then back at Gojyo, "I just don't think it's wise…"

"In a small town like this what could happen? Don't nag me Hakkai, I'm a grown man." Gojyo wondered why Hakkai was so opposed to his going out; it wasn't even dark yet, there must have been something else on his mind.

"Yes, I suppose you're right."

"All right then. Later." Gojyo shoved the note into his pocket and started to leave the room. Hakkai grabbed his arm and whispered so Sanzo couldn't hear.

"Gojyo, I don't know what it is about this place, but I don't like it, please be careful."

"Hey, no worries, Hakkai, I'll be back before you know it." Gojyo strolled back to the room, whistling for effect, to get his jacket, passing by the window checked outside to see if the stranger were still standing completely still.

He was gone.

As soon as Gojyo had left, Hakkai was at the window, the curtain draw back, staring outside like he was expecting to see something horrible happen. He stayed that way for several minutes, only lifting his hand once to rub his forehead like he had a headache, and Sanzo got the feeling he was upset about something. Hakkai had been silent all afternoon, which wasn't so strange since everyone had been, but there was something different about it; Hakkai's mind didn't really seem to be on Goku, and he'd been so reluctant to let Gojyo leave that it had become clear to Sanzo that something was going on between the two of them that they weren't letting him in on.

"Why are you worried, Hakkai?" he asked suddenly.

The youkai turned around like the question was odd, "Don't you think it's natural Sanzo? He's very sick you know, and I don't have to tell you how unnatural that is: you know better than anyone."

"Not Goku," Sanzo set the newspaper down, "I know you're worried about Goku, it's the kappa."

"Gojyo?"

"Is there another stupid kappa we need to worry about?"

Hakkai laughed, but that as well seemed out of place, "Gojyo's the only one."

"Good, I couldn't stand there being more than one lazy, stupid, son of a bitch kappa. So explain it Hakkai, what's got you worried?"

The smile faded, "I'm not worried Sanzo, but the last time Gojyo went out to get your Marlboro Red we had to deal with Kami-Sama."

"Lightning never strikes the same place twice."

"You said it yourself, Gojyo's the king of solo screw ups."

"Is there something you're expecting him to screw up?"

"There's always something with him. And I know you're not out of Marlboro Red."

"Is that an accusation?" Sanzo looked at Hakkai with sincere curiosity. He was sure by now that Hakkai really was keeping something from him, and Gojyo was in on it, the only thing he couldn't figure out was why if, there were a problem, would he not be included? Everyone always came to him with the team problems, and he was supposed to fix them, so if Hakkai and Gojyo had a concern why the hell weren't they filling out a comment card and letting him know about it?

"I'm sorry Sanzo," Hakkai sighed, "it's this town I suppose, something about it bothers me, a feel in the air you might say."

"And what about Gojyo?"

Hakkai was quiet so long Sanzo thought he wasn't going to answer, that he'd have to get up himself and beat it out of him. "I don't know if dreams mean anything Sanzo, do you?"

Annoyed, Sanzo finally lit the cigarette, "Make some damn sense, Hakkai."

"Ah, sorry, just thinking out loud I suppose, but when you have a strange dream about someone it always leaves this feeling…"

Sanzo didn't answer. God knew he'd had enough nightmares himself about a number of different people, especially his master, Koumyou Sanzo. Long ago he'd learned not to ignore his dreams, "So you had a dream?"

Hakkai's gentle smile was back in place, "Sanzo, I had a nightmare."

"And?"

"A lot of people don't understand, I suppose, what it's like to look death in the face, to have to decide if you want death to take you or not, and if they do most of them don't survive. It's strange to have someone you don't even know drag you away from death. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't expect anyone to really comprehend my friendship to Gojyo; we're polar opposites, I'm convinced there's not a similar bone between us, but he saved my life, from more than just death, he helped me start again, you all did, that's part of the debt that binds us."

Sanzo stared at him. He didn't know what to say; to him Gojyo was worthless and lazy and obnoxious, he was good for nothing, and there were many times when he was sure he would relish the feeling of shooting him, but it wasn't really hard for him to believe that Hakkai would feel that way, that he and Gojyo were like brothers. He didn't know whether to spit on it or to respect it.

"That man may not mean much to anyone," Hakkai continued, "his heritage may make him invariably worthless to most of this world, but I think I understand him. I think that I believe in him." Hakkai looked at Sanzo sincerely, his green eyes burning a little with some unspoken emotion, "I think that I would die for him."

Sanzo was quiet. He inhaled the smoke. He let the smoke out. He said softly, "Well, maybe some day you will."

Hakkai laughed, "No, no, Gojyo would never have that."

"Well, aren't you the one who said that if someone trusts us we owe it to them to stay alive?"

"Mm, yes, but I may be just selfish enough to not be able to do that for Gojyo. I wouldn't want to try to go back to that house without him anymore than I would to where I lived with Kanan."

"Whatever." Sanzo said, picking up his paper, "You just shouldn't worry so much."

"Or I'll go bald."

"Something like that."

Hakkai looked out the window again, still laughing, then, slowly, the smile melted off his lips. He looked at Sanzo, "Forgive me, Sanzo, I just remembered that I've been so busy with Goku I've neglected to feed Jeep." He moved quickly around the room, and in a moment, he was gone.

Nonchalantly, Sanzo rose and walked to the window, looked out cautiously. The town was busy, even though it was almost evening, to the west the sun was setting beyond the forest, and far down the street he caught a glimpse of a shock of bright, red hair. Gojyo. Directly behind him was a man with light brown hair, moving stealthily.

Sanzo sighed and sat down again, "Well, now what?"

Downtown was dumpy; it was a trashy, shifty, no good part of town and Gojyo didn't like to be there at all. Too many people looked like Banri, and even more people looked like himself, ready to do whatever it took to get what they wanted. He hesitated and stared at a small gang that was dividing up money amongst themselves, remembered what Sanzo had said: _"…it's too early for you to wear white…dirt rags do what dirt rags are good for…_ he wondered if that were still true about himself.

"Hey punk," one of the men yelled at him, "what the hell are you starin' at? Don't make me kick your ass!"

Snorting, Gojyo went on his way, "Like you could."

He glanced down at the desk clerk's note to read the address again. He was definitely getting close, so it was time to think of a plan, the only problem was that he couldn't think of anything, mostly because he had no idea what to expect. Either he was going to walk into a room where a real woman was waiting for Hakkai, or he was strolling into a trap. The half-blood looked around again. He was on the western side of town, the woods were dangerously close; the only thing between him and their dark confines was a town cemetery where headstones jutted up out of the earth like fingers. Gojyo shuddered and continued picking his way along, heading toward a building that was all lit up and alive with music. The address matched the note: this was his destination.

Inside it was typical, a bar in the front room where a bunch of rough looking men were getting drunk at happy hour, the lights were dim and strangely colored, a haze of cigarette smoke was hovering around at head level, the din was familiar, the barkeeper was a hard-faced older man with a blind eye and a scar on his face. Everyone was staring. Bright red hair definitely had its disadvantages. Normally Gojyo might have sat down and ordered a drink or played cards for money, but the atmosphere made him uneasy, and he went straight to the old man who was polishing glasses behind the counter, "Barkeep, I'm meeting someone here: room thirteen."

The old man gave him a long, nasty look, his blind eye shuddering from misuse, then he nodded and drawled, "Up the stairs boy, to the right, all the way at the end of the hall. Can't miss it."

Trying to ignore the seeds of doubt in his heart, Gojyo nodded his thanks and stepped away, bumping into a man who'd wandered too close. The man shoved him, "Watch where you're goin' punk!"

Gojyo glared his fiercest stare, and the drunk recoiled a little so that the half-blood could continue on his way upstairs, leaving the noise of the bar behind. The halls on the second floor were drafty and dark, only a few weak lights flickered up above, buzzing as they died, people were standing outside their rooms smoking or talking quietly, they blended right in with the shadows, and their eyes followed him as he passed, doing the best he could to ignore them. The farther he went the more he began to realize what a stupid idea this had been. The whole place was crawling with unfriendlies, it was dark and shady and mysterious; someone could be in that room down the hall ready to off whoever came in, whether it was Hakkai or someone else. Someone stupid, like himself.

_It's these damn emotions, these Goddamn sentiments, that always get me into situations like this; it was saving Hakkai in the first place that ever got me roped in with Sanzo and Kougaiji and this whole thing. If it hadn't been for him I'd still be at home, making bets and gettin' laid. Should I be grateful for that?_

He stopped in front of the door, reading the brass numbers '13', his breathing was suddenly heavy, the walls seemed close, there was no room to fight if it came to that, no room for his shakujou, and he sure as hell didn't feel like dying here just because a shady note had come to his friend.

_Friend. Is that what Hakkai is? He's the reason I'm here._ Gojyo thought back to what Goku had told him, way back at what was the beginning of their journey, so long ago it felt like years, something Hakkai himself had said. _"If somebody believes in me I owe it to them to try to protect myself…he doesn't want to look bad…"_

Gojyo didn't want to look bad either; he didn't want Hakkai to deal with the pain of surviving after his death, especially if it was a death over him. Hakkai was like that. But then again, Gojyo didn't want to handle it either. Sure, he could have let Hakkai come himself and hope everything turned out all right, he could have brought Hakkai along with him and held his breath for the best, but if Hakkai died _he_ was the one out a friend, _he _was the one who had to keep living with the memory and the guilt. It was selfish, he knew, but it made sense, and anyway, he had saved Hakkai's life, letting him die now would be stupid. _Hakkai saved _my_ life when Banri ditched, I owe him: we're gonna' go around and around until the day one of us is gone._

That was the end of it. No more debate, no more discussion, Gojyo knew he was a selfish prick and he didn't care. He opened the door.

The inside of the room was surprisingly pleasant, the light was bright, but not too bright, the bed was neat and comfortable looking, walls had wallpaper on them-tacky wallpaper, but he wasn't picky-there was booze sitting out on the table next to a pack of condemns, a window was open to let in the cool breeze, and there was even carpet. It was also empty.

Cautiously, Gojyo stepped inside, looking around, listening for a sign of danger, but nothing seemed dangerous. It was just an empty room. _That doesn't mean there's not a trap._

"Well hello."

He turned just in time to witness a woman coming out of an extra room, either the bathroom or another bedroom, he couldn't tell. She was tall and comely with a skinny waist and legs that went on forever, just like he liked, dressed in a long, flowing, silk red dress with her light brown hair tumbling down around the waist. She propped herself against the wall sexily, and if it hadn't been for her heart-shaped face Gojyo never would have recognized the desk clerk.

"It's about time you showed up," she came forward, those hips swaying in a gentle rhythm, a seductive, transfixing smile on her lips, "I've been waiting a long time, Gojyo."

"Wait," he looked around again, once behind himself just to make sure she really _was_ talking to him, "me?"

"Uh-huh." Her bright red lips flashed a smile.

"But you sent the letter to Hakkai…"

"And look what I got instead." She ran a hand over the muscles in his arm, looking demurely through her eyelashes. "I knew you'd be curious, the note was for you, isn't that obvious?"

"For me?" he was beginning to feel a little dazed, especially with her pressing up against him, the smell of her hair setting his passions on fire. If this were a trap it was too late to escape it now.

She smoothed her hand up his chest sensuously, "Try to keep up, darling, I've had my eye on you ever since you arrived, and I just had to meet you, so I purposely had that note put there when I knew you were alone: I was sure you'd be curious enough to come. Hakkai's a good looking boy," she tugged at his hair and bit his ear, her hot breath flowing through the canal of it and across his face and neck, "but he's nothing like you."

"That's probably true." Gojyo muttered.

"And men like you are all I'm interested in: young, handsome, strong." She grabbed his face between her hands, forcing him to look into her doe eyes. "What more could a woman want?" She kissed him, gently on the lips and he felt his body starting to tremble.

"B-but why didn't you just say something to me…I saw you this morning…"

"I hadn't made up my mind yet."

"Still, wouldn't it have made more sense to just meet somewhere at _your_ inn, after dark or something?"

Her voice was gentle and husky, "Does love ever make sense?" she kissed him again, more passionately this time, pulling at his lips with her teeth, her embrace so overpowering that they fell on the bed together, writhing against one another, her hands tangled in his long hair. Gojyo put his arms around her and slid them gently up her back. To hell with it if it was a trap, it was a damn good one and it had caught him. He found her bra straps and started to undo them, all the while feeling more and more hot, thrilled by the touch of her hands on his skin as she ran them up under his shirt to touch his muscles; he kissed her viciously and pressed his mouth against her neck. She gasped, "You naughty boy."

"You're the one playing games." He murmured into her hair.

The bra was off now, the heat was on: this is where the fun was supposed to start, but why did it feel so wrong. Gojyo was doing everything he normally did, but it felt like he was just going through the motions. Some part of him was tugging at his heart, warning him against something.

He kissed her all the more fiercely.

Out in the hall he heard a familiar voice. At first it didn't seem important, but as time went by and he heard it again it seemed to be more and more urgent, more and more familiar, and suddenly he could fully recognize it. He pulled away from her mouth and gasped, "Hakkai!"

"He's not here baby," the desk clerk petted his hair, removing the head band he always wore, kissing his neck again.

Gojyo wasn't paying attention to her though, he was concentrating hard, trying to listen.

She started to slip his jacket off, down over the arms so that she could touch his muscles. "Pay attention, Gojyo," she hissed, "or you'll miss it."

He barely glanced at her.

The desk clerk slid the skirt of her dress up over the knee and up the thigh. He saw something bright and sharp, but it was too late to move, she had already drawn the dagger from its sheathe and was holding it tightly in one hand still smiling.

Gojyo struggled to get away from her, but it was a little harder than expected with her knees pinning his arms down, "What the hell are you-"

"Easy now, I promise not to hurt you." She touched the tip of the dagger to her own palm and dragged it slowly down over the wrist so that a line of crimson appeared, thin at first, but rapidly expanding until it was flowing like a river over her satin flesh, splashing and pooling on the bed.

Gojyo heard the voice again, and this time he knew who it was, this time he was sure. With all his might he shoved the woman off himself and stood up, panting, "I-I'm sorry…but I have to leave."

She just looked at him, innocent and uncertain, "Where?"

"Nowhere, I just need some air." He started to leave. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, but don't you want to play?" She was up too now, caught onto his arm, "The fun was just getting started.

Gojyo wrenched away but she caught onto his jacket, ripping it off and dropping it on the floor, "Look, I don't know what you're trying to do, but-"

"I'm not trying to do anything."

"Just get away from me." He tried, for the second time, to leave; the woman grabbed a fistful of his hair and yanked, Gojyo screamed and stared at the strands that had come out in her hand. She was just looking at them like she wasn't sure what she had done, and then she tossed them aside so that they sprinkled on the bed and came forward, a predatory smile on her face. Gojyo knew now that something was wrong, that there was danger in this pleasant room, that some way or another, he had fallen for a trap, and if he didn't get out Hakkai was going to walk right into it too.

Just outside the door he heard his friend's voice, saying something about room thirteen.

"Let's play, Gojyo." She fell to her knees and ran her hands up his inner thighs.

Angrily, he kicked her away, turned and flung the door open, screaming, "Hakkai, stay out!"

The hall was mostly empty, Gojyo looked around, frantic now, his heartbeat racing. Down at the other end he saw just a glimpse of his friend's back as Hakkai disappeared around the corner.

"Hakkai!" The half-blood took off running for all he was worth, pushing past people and leaping to the top of the stairs, looking down into the bar with desperate eyes, searching through the faces. There he was. By the door. Leaving thank God. "Hakkai!" Gojyo thundered down the stairs and raced through the crowd, shouldering his way through, knocking several over and upturning a few chairs and tables. People cussed and shouted at him. One man caught him by the shoulder and snarled but Gojyo turned around and punched the man square in the face, sending him sprawling and kept on his dead run for the door. He burst out from the inn, shouting for his friend and looking in ever direction.

Far across on the other side of the cemetery was Hakkai, moving speedily toward the woods, not even aware of his friend, so desperate to reach him.

"Dammit! Hakkai, get your ass back here! Don't go in there!" He ran from the inn, sprang over the fence and into the cemetery, darting between graves, bolting over some headstones and tripping over others. He fell once and busted his lip open on the corner of a plaque, but got up and kept running, rubbing the blood away. Hakkai was almost in the woods now, he seemed so far away, he seemed beyond help. His figure was getting dimmer and dimmer, shrouded in shadows as he moved into the trees, further and further in, and soon he was a far away shape, and then he had disappeared.

"Hakkai!" Gojyo screamed so loud his voice ached and birds in the treetops took wing up into the darkened sky. He tripped again and fell, just inches away from an open, empty grave. Breathing hard, blood streaming from his mouth, Gojyo sat up, fisted his hands in the grass, "Dammit!" He beat on the ground, so furious he could kill anything that moved, so angry he couldn't even believe it, and yet he wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because he'd been tricked, or maybe it was just his animal instincts were telling him that something was definitely and truly wrong. He stood up and tried to get a grip on his feelings, stared for a long time into the blackened woods, hoping that somehow Hakkai would realize what was going on and come back out. When no such thing happened he glanced down at the grave in front of him.

It was pitch black and appeared to have no bottom, like the open, waiting jaws of a monster.

Hakkai was frantic as he ran through the streets, looking everywhere for Gojyo. He'd started out so far behind that he was sure he could never catch up now, and the streets were more crowded than he had expected, the people providing a formidable hindrance from his quest. He hated to leave Sanzo and Goku like that, so oblivious to it all, so exposed, but he'd seen that same man, the one with the light brown hair, following Gojyo down the street, his redheaded friend totally unaware of the danger he was in. And the man was dangerous, of that he was sure, otherwise he wouldn't feel this horrible tenseness in his stomach, and he certainly wouldn't be so sure that he had seen the man some place before. Gojyo was in danger, that was the only thing he was absolutely positive about, beyond that everything was blurry. He kept his eyes alert, glancing into every alley that he passed: the last thing he wanted was to miss Gojyo and run right by him. No. That wasn't the last thing. The last thing he wanted was to stumble across his comrade, dead in an alley somewhere. He looked up at Jeep who was flying over his head, chirping and whistling frantically, as if he sensed the panic of his master. Maybe with the eyes of his dragon he could find Gojyo before it was too late.

The young man sprinted past a shop that was advertising a sale on Marlboro Red; he stopped and pressed his face to the glass. The shop was full of all kinds of people, all browsing and shopping and buying, but none of them were Gojyo, and none of them were the man with light brown hair. The shopkeeper saw him and waved for him to come in. Hakkai just shook his head and kept running, shouting as he went, "I'm sorry!" On and on he ran, breath becoming ragged, legs tired from use, but he knew he couldn't stop. Whatever was going on in this town, whatever that man wanted, it wasn't going to work.

He wondered briefly if it already was.

When he'd been running for what felt like hours Hakkai looked around and realized he was in a bad part of town. There were prostitutes on the street corner and mean-looking thugs on the streets, it was dirty and trashy, homeless bums were burning trash, creating a gag-worthy reek, but he kept running. One whore reached out and caught him by the arm, smiled at him gently, drawled, "What are you running for, Darling? Looking for a place to stay?"

"Ah, no, forgive me, but I," Hakkai panted, "I'm looking for someone…maybe you've seen him."

"Honey, I've seen a lot of people tonight." She smiled flirtatiously.

It would be like Gojyo to wind up with someone like this.

"I beg your pardon for asking, but he's my age, taller than me though, by a few inches, and he has bright, crimson red hair and matching eyes. The last time I saw him he was wearing a brown, leather jacket."

The girl smiled at the memory and smoothed Hakkai's shirtfront. "Uh-huh, I saw red, he was heading that way, due east, toward the graveyard."

"Graveyard? What in the world would he-"

"There's a popular inn over there," she straightened his collar, "if your friend's a ladies man he might have gone there."

Ladies man. That sounded like Gojyo. Was it possible? "Thank-you very much, Miss." He pulled away from her as gently as possible and kept running.

"If you need anything else," she giggled, "come back to see me."

Hakkai was sure he wouldn't be back, after he found Gojyo and beat some sense into him he was dragging him back to the inn and locking him in the room if he had to. He could still remember the last time Gojyo had gotten away from the group and the disaster that had almost brought on all of them. It just wasn't right for him to endanger the whole team for the sake of his cigarettes and women.

Up ahead he saw an open stretch of land bright in the moonlight and pocked by dark spots, on its border was the forest, "Ah, there's the graveyard Jeep!" To the North he saw a tall building where every light seemed to be on. "And that must be the inn!"

Jeep sang his agreement and they both hurried on, Hakkai hoping with all he was worth that he was wrong about the danger.

At the inn he didn't waste time looking around at the ferocious, drunken faces, but walked straight to the barkeeper, ready to demand answers, no matter what they cost. "Good evening," he said, still trying to catch his breath, "so sorry to bother you, sir, but I'm looking for someone. He's a young man, the same age as me, taller though, with red hair and eyes."

For a moment the barkeeper looked annoyed and blank, he almost opened his mouth to say he hadn't seen him, but then stopped, "Oh. That troublemaker. Yeah, he came in here a while ago, went up to room thirteen."

Hakkai felt a leap of hope in his heart, "Room thirteen?"

"Yeah. On the second floor. Said he was meeting someone there."

"Ah. Do you have any idea who might have been meeting him?" It was a little disconcerting to ask, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, but it was important.

"Some lady. Don't know nothin' else about her."

"A woman?" The young youkai studied his hands thoughtfully. Had Gojyo met someone and he simply hadn't noticed?

"Look kid, are ya' gonna' stand here all night askin' me questions or can I fix ya' a drink? Look like ya' need it."

"Um, no thank-you sir, that will be all I think. And thank-you very, very much." Hakkai walked away quickly, still in a hurry to get to Gojyo, even if it only was to knock some sense into him. He practically ran up the stairs and then down the hall, glancing at the brass numbers on the door as he passed, counting to himself, "…ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen." He stopped running at last and looked carefully at the door. It was slightly ajar with a golden, welcoming light pouring out, but it was silent, no sign of Gojyo's voice, and no voice of a woman either. What if the barkeeper had been wrong? Hakkai decided not to think like that and walked toward the room slowly, whispering, "Gojyo? Are you in there?"

No answer.

"We've got to get back to the inn…" he pushed to door open, surprised by how light it was and then blinked in the bright light, peered into the empty room. Maybe there _had_ been some mistake.

When his vision sharpened he saw that that was not at all the case; the bed straight ahead of him was a little messy, so obviously someone had been there, and the scene scattered there almost made Hakkai's heart stop. Gojyo's brown jacket was lying on the floor, along with a small clump of hair and a bright dagger, its tip bathed in red. The jacket, as well as the bedclothes had broad stains of blood on them.

Panic back in his heart, Hakkai knelt on the floor, handling the jacket with care. It could be a coincidence. It could be some other man with red hair and a brown jacket. A brown object caught his attention and for the first time he noticed Gojyo's headband on the bed, a little blood on it as well.

Hakkai felt sick, a tight twist of nausea was making its way up from his stomach and into his throat. He couldn't ignore so many obvious signs of Gojyo, not all together like this, that could only mean one thing: Gojyo _had_ been here, and there had been some kind of a struggle. He'd been stabbed, possibly killed. Was it the work of Kougaiji's assassins? They'd never tried anything this clever before. Hakkai looked around again. What did they do with the body?

There were footsteps behind him, slow and steady, someone stopped there, an easy-going voice spoke, "Did you lose something?"

Hakkai looked up over his shoulder. To his astonishment _he_ was standing there, _that _man, with the light brown hair, his face was contorted in a smile, but his brown eyes had a nasty, deceitful look in them.

"You…who _are_ you?" Hakkai stood up quickly, still clutching the jacket, realizing for the first time that it was still warm. _Gojyo…_

"You mean you don't recognize me, Cho _Gonou_?"

Hakkai's heart stopped beating at the sound of his old name, it brought back a world full of awful memories and nightmares, visions, thoughts of Kanan, and Chin Yisou and a number of other things he wanted to forget. Where had this man learned it? Where had this man come from?

"You remember, don't you, Gonou? Remember Tai?"

"Tai? I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think you do. I think you'd _better_ if you ever want to see him again." The man pointed a finger at the jacket.

Color drained from Hakkai's face, he felt the blood leaking away and the anger was alive in his blood, he wanted to attack, he wanted to remove his limiters and dip his claws in this man's blood, but he knew better, he couldn't, not if he wanted to save Gojyo. "Where is he? You'd better tell me or I'll-"

There was an abrupt strike to his face as the man backhanded him, smiling cruelly, "Or you'll what? You won't do anything, not if you want to save your friend."

Hakkai rubbed his cheek and glared, "Just what do you want from me?"

"Nothing, I only mean to teach you a lesson about mortality."

"Mortality? I don't understand."

"But you will, with time, teacher, you _taught _me about mortality, remember? You taught me and Tai a lot of things."

Hakkai stared, trying to understand, and then slowly, it dawned on him, the recognition fell over him like light, and he remembered the brown eyes, the smiling lips, the light brown hair that bounced in the wind. "Kai…" he whispered, "…I thought you were dead."

"I'm sorry, teacher, that is not the case, but _Tai_ is, thanks to you, my brother is dead, and if you ever want to see your red-headed friend again you'd better follow me."

"No, no you don't understand! It was for Kanan! I never would have if they hadn't taken her!"

"Excuses. Do you want to know where your friend is or not?" Kai stepped back from him, walked through the door calmly and led the way back through the halls, down into the bar and outside, across the graveyard, and Hakkai found that he could only follow, afraid to do anything else, afraid to try to even speak or ask questions, but he did have so many. How had Kai survived? How had he found him after all these years and after this long journey?

None of that was important though, he decided as Jeep landed on his shoulder, none of that mattered as long as he found Gojyo. And then of course, only if Gojyo were alive and well. Hakkai suddenly regretted not telling Sanzo what was going on, even if he hadn't known anything for sure it would have been better to be safe than sorry.

Kai marched steadily across the cemetery, moving always in a straight path, even if it meant walking over headstones, his shadow was an unwavering, black soldier beside him, his hair waved in the wind and Hakkai thought he could hear his escort laughing a little. He tightened his fist and wished he could just fire a chi blast right through this man. Then, without warning, the procession stopped, Kai had paused at a patch of earth that didn't have a headstone, the dirt looked recently disturbed. Hakkai scanned the woods for any sign of Gojyo, or anything else for that matter, but the night was silent.

"Well? Where is he?"

A cruel smile still on his lips, Kai pointed, "Right here."

"Here, what do you mean?"

"Down."

Reluctantly, Hakkai did look down but there was nothing, just that patch of earth. His throat clenched at the sight, "Here?"

Kai turned so that the moonlight was blazing in his face, the nastiest smile yet on his lips, teeth glittering, "Yeah. You'd better start digging, huh?" Then, just as calmly as he had come, he left, marching away, past Hakkai, and back across the graveyard.

"Oh my God!" Hakkai dropped the jacket and fell to his knees, scraped at the damp soil with his hands, digging into it with his fingers. "Gojyo! Gojyo, can you hear me?"

He attacked the ground fiercely, digging and digging with his bare hands, but he didn't feel like he was getting any deeper. Dirt clotted beneath his fingernails, it got smeared on his face and mixed with sweat, but he kept digging. Eventually both of his hands were scraped and raw, his arms were tired and felt heavy like lead, but he kept at it, scooping up handfuls of the dirt and flinging it away, moving it in the largest quantities he could manage, all the while shouting and screaming, just hoping that somehow his friend was alive and could hear him. It seemed that hours passed, the moon rose higher and higher, but Hakkai kept digging until he was up to his waist in the mud, and still he went on digging, more and more frantic, getting more hysterical with each passing second, gasping and shouting and half-screaming with frustration. Dirt got in his hair, it caked on his face and covered the lenses of his glasses until he was so frustrated he just threw them aside.

Gojyo couldn't really be buried here, not six feet deep, he couldn't dig that far with nothing but his hands, but there was no other option, and he didn't dare waste a moment to go get a shovel. If Gojyo wasn't suffocating he was bleeding to death, he had to get to him and heal the wound, he had to get him out.

Out of pure frustration, Hakkai felt tears starting to drip down his cheeks and off his chin, mixing with the dirt on his face and making it mud. He was up to his shoulders now, and still digging for all he was worth, trying to calculate how far he had to go before there should be a casket. Traditionally graves were dug six feet deep, Hakkai knew he was five-eleven, so the grave would have to be just a little over his head before there should be some sign of a body or of a coffin. He dug all the more frantically, ignoring the pain in his hands and the blood that oozed over his skin as his fingernails split.

Then, when the grave was just over his head he began to search frenetically for any sign of a coffin, pushing dirt to the side to focus on one area, looking and hoping sure he'd see wood or anything like that at any moment now, but there was nothing at the bottom of the grave. He got to the point where he could see the dry dirt beneath from when the grave had first been dug, and there was no coffin.

Hakkai leaned back, almost completely exhausted, dirty and indignant and furious that he'd been lied to, that he'd spent so much time digging for nothing. He got up on wobbly legs, ready to find and kill Kai, hoisted himself up out of the grave and drank in his surroundings. The moon was almost directly overhead now, it's majestic light cascading down over the land. Where did he go from here? Was Gojyo back at the inn? No, that couldn't be, he saw the bloodstained jacket still lying there and knew that somewhere his friend needed his help, especially if that boy Kai was walking around, holding some kind of a grudge.

Out of a complete lack of better ideas, Hakkai went back to the inn, stepped inside wearily, aware that all eyes were on him, and in his bedraggled state, he could hardly blame them. For the second time he approached the bartender, leaned heavily against the bar under the old man's baleful gaze, "Hello again, I'm sorry to keep bothering you but…it's about my friend…I think that he's in trouble, you said he went up to room thirteen to meet someone, do you know what happened to him after that?"

The bartender laughed a short laugh, "Ya' sure are a mess kid, been playin' in the mud?"

"No sir…my friend, he's in trouble…"

"Yeah, yeah, red, I know. Listen, why don't I get ya' a good, stiff drink, then maybe yer head'll be clearer."

"No drinks, just tell me what you know."

The old man sighed, "Red came in here about six o'clock, went up to room thirteen, wasn't up there more'n ten minutes maybe, when he comes back downstairs, yellin' something, punched a man out, and ran out into the night screamin' bloody murder."

For the first time in what seemed like forever there was hope. "How did he look? Was he hurt?"

"Hard to say, didn't get too good a look at him. He sure was runnin' though, musta' been the full moon."

"And where did he go, did you happen to see what direction he went?"

"'Crossed the graveyard I think," said a man next at the bar next to him who seemed almost coherent, "was yelling something about hawk eyes…"

"Hawk eyes? What could he have-oh. I see."

"Prob'ly went into the woods, that would be my guess."

Hakkai looked out the window at the dark woods, murmured to himself, "But that was a very long time ago."


	3. Trap

Trap

Trap

Cursing and mumbling, Sanzo made his way through the crowd. Hakkai had left the inn hours ago, and now he'd seen no sign of neither him nor Gojyo, that was a clear sign that something was amiss, and so, reluctantly, he'd gotten one of the inn maids to stay with poor Goku and gone out searching for his missing companions, so far there had been no luck, just a lot of stupid townspeople sneering about his looks and inviting him to do things that were definitely off limits for a Buddhist Priest. There was no sign of Hakkai anywhere, and definitely no sign of the lazy kappa. Sanzo's first instinct was to forget about them and just keep going, but he knew he couldn't, not if something was wrong. He couldn't go anywhere with Goku in this condition anyway. His only option was to find the others so they could sort this mess out together and get back to the monkey as quickly as possible.

That wasn't really working out either though, there were just too many people, and they all seemed to be going to opposite direction as him; Sanzo had never hated crowds more than now. He wished that he could fire his gun up into the air, warn everyone to get out of the way and get this all over with. That clearly wasn't going to happen; the priest was lost in a sea of faces, each one stranger and more dangerous than the last. Somewhere in the undercurrent he thought he sensed youkai energy. Someone pulled at the sutra on his shoulders and he whirled around angrily, but no one was there. A passerby jostled him and Sanzo fell back into someone else who snapped at him to watch it and kept going.

_These bastards, if only they would all disappear._ It was so, so tempting to just turn around and go back to Goku, forget all about the other two half wits, as long as they were together it would be fine, he was sure.

Up ahead he heard a sudden bout of shouting and some scuffling followed by curses and a loud crashing noise. He hastened forward, hoping that somehow his stupid youkai were involved. He was ready to fill them both with lead at this point. Sanzo burst around the corner, hand on his gun, just a little too ready to attack. He stopped short.

A tall, fat, gruff man was standing there, and much to Sanzo's surprise, was holding Gojyo up by the throat so that the kappa's feet were lifted a considerable distance off the ground. "And from now on, stupid kid, you watch where you're going, got it?"

_Damn, someone beat me to it._ He looked again and noticed Gojyo wasn't doing anything, not putting up a fight at all. That seemed unusual, so unusual that Sanzo felt that he needed the answer right then. Normally he wouldn't help Gojyo out of a situation he so obviously deserved, but Sanzo was impatient, he was tired, Goku was back at the inn, sick, possibly dying and all the priest wanted to do was to kick the crap out of Gojyo himself, find Hakkai and go back. He drew his gun and pointed it at the man's head, "Excuse me, that's mine. I'd appreciate it if you'd drop it and be on your way."

The fat man stared at Sanzo through narrow eyes, thick lips open as if he planned to say something, but then he must have decided that he didn't even want to bother trying to figure out why a priest with a head full of hair had a gun pointed at him, dropped the redheaded youkai with a snort, "He's all yours," he muttered, turning and waddling back down the alley, clearly disgusted.

Gojyo hit the ground with an oomph and laid sprawled there just long enough for Sanzo to kick him in the back of the head, "Well, get up you useless-"

Before Sanzo could finish, Gojyo was on his feet again and had his shakujou, with his full weight he slammed Sanzo back against the wall, trapping his neck behind the prongs of his crescent-shaped blade, his red eyes were full of fire and rage, his hair was tangled and disheveled and there was blood on his face and shirt, his bandana was missing and so was his jacket. Sanzo could see his muscles shivering with the absolute anger he was showing now. It was the single scariest moment of the priest's life.

He'd fought Gojyo before over some little things and over some bigger things, he'd seen the kappa angry or frustrated or just sick to death of being kicked around, but he'd never seen him so furious, and the fury was so real and unnatural and terrifying that it crossed his mind that maybe Gojyo had gone berserk with the rest of the youkai. But he still had his gun, and if he could just get it into the right position he might be able to use it. Subtly he moved his arm, twisting the gun so that it was aimed for Gojyo's stomach.

The kappa screamed, his very voice on fire with his rage, "Don't point that at me, Sanzo!"

"Why shouldn't I? You've lost it."

The shakujou touched the surface of Sanzo's throat. "Shoot me if you want you holy good for nothing, just make sure you do it before I cut your friggin' head off!"

"You know better," Sanzo scoffed. He wanted to pull the trigger, he really did, but something was stopping him, maybe there was some part of him that didn't, there was some part that would rather understand than kill a comrade-even if it was a comrade as annoying as Gojyo-and go on for the rest of his life trying to figure it out, knowing he never could, "you know that if I'm dead the mission is over and the world is doomed."

"It's not _my_ mission, Sanzo," Gojyo spat, "I don't care about this world, I don't give a damn about Shangri-La!"

"In that case, go ahead, do it, if my head's gone I won't have to waste the effort of putting a hole in it, if you're really that selfish you can do it, go home, watch the youkai take over, watch Gyumoah get what he wants."

Gojyo took a shallow, shuddering breath, his grip relaxed just a little.

"Or, you can get the hell off me and tell me what's going on."

The half-blood was obviously thinking, Sanzo could see the thought process of it. At last he snapped, "Where's Hakkai?"

"How should I know?"

"He was at the inn with you, remember? He was taking care of Goku."

"That was a long time ago you pissant, he left right after you did."

Gojyo tightened his grip again and Sanzo felt the edge of the blade cut very shallowly into his skin and knew he had to do something fast, something that wouldn't include one of them winding up dead in this alley.

"Where did he go?"

"He didn't tell me where he was going, I thought he was with you."

Gritting his teeth, Gojyo turned away, removing the shakujou from its dangerous position against Sanzo's neck, "Damn!"

Sanzo stepped away from the wall, feeling liberated, rubbed his neck, "Well, now that you've given me the third degree, how about telling me what the hell is going on around here?"

The kappa spat blood, "I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking."

"I don't have time for this Gojyo, Hakkai is missing, Goku is dying, and you're out here acting like a wild animal! What am I supposed to say? You nearly killed me just now, am I supposed to care if everything is perfectly comfortable with you? You sure as hell didn't ask how _I'm_ feeling—it just so happens that I have a headache, and it just so happens I didn't have that headache until I ran into you! So unless you have some more smartass comments to make, why don't you tell me where the hell Hakkai is before I blow your head off!"

Gojyo shot a look back over his shoulder at Sanzo, his red eyes, though still angry, a little less fierce and a little more understanding. He looked more like Gojyo now and less like that crazy animal he'd been only a split second before. He studied Sanzo for a long while, and then he sighed, "Sorry Sanzo, it's been a pretty fucked up kind of day."

"You don't say. Now what do you know about Hakkai?"  
"Didn't he tell you _anything_ before he left?"

"Hn. He was painfully vague about everything, couldn't get any sense out of him at all.

The only thing that was even half-sensible was that he had a strange feeling about this town, and that last night he had some kind of a nightmare. Now for the last time, Gojyo, tell me what _you_ know."

With another sigh, Gojyo let his weapon fade away, "Not a lot. Um, let's see. Well, Hakkai was up really early this morning, taking a walk I guess. We saw this kid, I guess he was a kid, he looked a little younger than Goku, he was watching us. Hakkai acted weird, like he knew him or something. I was going to go find out who he was and what he wanted, but Hakkai wouldn't let me."

Sanzo felt frustrated already; it was always a problem when Hakkai recognized someone. "Did you ever see him again? Did you find out who he was?"

"He was outside the inn for a long time, just watching, but I never actually spoke to him. I dunno', Hakkai was talking about the past this morning, a little, maybe that kid reminded him of someone he used to know."

Sanzo thought for a moment. Hakkai had said something about Kanan, just briefly of course, but she had still been mentioned. He didn't like to think that maybe this all had to do with Hakkai's past, but that thought wouldn't leave him alone. He didn't want to have to deal with any more Chin Yisous. But how was Gojyo caught in all of this?

"My Marlboros?"

Gojyo looked confused for a long frustrating minute, throughout which Sanzo wanted nothing more than to cream him with the fan. He resisted, and eventually the kappa grinned sheepishly, "I didn't get them yet."

Sanzo snorted, "No surprise, you didn't go out for cigarettes did you? So what the hell were you doing? Looking for Hakkai's friend?"

"Don't get all judgmental, I haven't finished my story yet. I was sitting in my room, not really doing anything, when there's this knock on the door, and when I opened it there was this note addressed to Hakkai just sitting there. It said that some lady-the desk clerk, remember her?-wanted to meet Hakkai at this inn on the east side of town, so I-"

Sanzo exploded, "So you were so damn horny you just took it upon yourself to go over there, is that it?"

The hybrid looked genuinely offended, "Contrary to what _you_ believe, Sanzo, I am _not_ an idiot; I went over there for Hakkai—it smelled like a trap to me so I went over there, out of the goodness of my heart, to spring it before he did, happy? There was no screwing involved."

"Am I supposed to respect you for that or something?" Sanzo smiled mercilessly.

Gojyo shrugged, "I don't know."

Then there was silence, neither of them said anything and the din from the crowded town started to sneak back into Sanzo. He couldn't believe that was all there was, Gojyo obviously knew something beyond that. "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Shit, don't play dumb with me, kappa, was there a trap or not?"

"Oh. Yeah. There was definitely a trap."

"And Hakkai?

He shrugged which was very irritating for Sanzo. "I haven't heard from him since I left the inn. I thought I saw him go into the woods but…it wasn't him."

"What do you mean it wasn't him?" Sanzo demanded.

"I went in after him, you know? I looked all over in there, got turned around a few times, was lost for an hour or two, and wound up right back where I started, didn't see a sign of Hakkai while I was in there." Gojyo hesitated and ran a hand through his hair, looked off in the distance, almost like he didn't want to look into Sanzo's eyes.

He was definitely holding something back, but whatever it was Sanzo didn't think he was going to get it out of him just then.

"So…where's Goku?"

"Back at the inn, stay focused. All right, so you said there was a kid watching you and Hakkai this morning."

"Right. Then he was standing outside the inn, like he was waiting for something, I haven't seen him since then."

"What did he look like?" Sanzo felt breathless for a moment, but he wasn't sure why, he just go the feeling that whatever Gojyo said next was going to change everything somehow.

"I dunno, never got a close look at him, but like I said, he was young. He had light brown hair, a little lighter than Goku's I guess, ummm, he was dressed pretty normal: jeans, a blue t-shirt. Average looking."

"Human or youkai?"

"Uh, human, I guess."

"Shit, Gojyo," Sanzo couldn't contain himself anymore, he grabbed the kappa by the collar of the shirt and swung him back against the wall, "don't you get it? That punk was following you! No wonder you walked into a trap!"

The half-blood looked indignant, "Hey, I didn't just _walk_ into a trap, I-"

"You don't _think_ you just walked into a trap, but you did! Hakkai left right after you did, he saw that kid following you and he left. You idiot, _Hakkai's_ out looking for _you_!"

Gojyo looked so blank that Sanzo could barely keep himself from hitting him.

"Whatever trap you walked into wasn't set for _you_ dumbass, it was set for Hakkai! He walked into it because he was looking for you! You were bait this whole time, someone baited you and now they're using you as bait! Hakkai's out wandering around, looking for you, you're looking for him, and while were all sitting on our thumbs, Goku is back at the inn, too sick to even sit up, let alone defend himself! God _dammit_ it's a _giant_ trap!"

"It's not all my fault though." Gojyo snapped, "You didn't have to come looking, and neither did Hakkai, I could have gone back to the inn and everything would have been fine."

"Maybe, pissslick, or maybe if you hadn't left in the first place _none_ of this would be happening!"

Apparently Gojyo couldn't argue with that, because he didn't try, he just pried Sanzo away from himself, "In that case, where's Hakkai now?"

Sanzo glared, "You tell me."

Gojyo shook his head and rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand, "I don't know man…"

"Are you sure you're telling me everything?"

"Yeah."

Sanzo knew that was a lie, but he let it go, watched Gojyo turn in a half circle, apparently trying to determine where Hakkai might have wound up. He saw the hybrid shiver and noticed again that his jacket was gone. He didn't ask.

"The woods," Gojyo's voice was dead quiet and he shuddered again, "I wound up there, maybe Hakkai did too. That's all I can figure."

The priest took a deep, snarling breath through his teeth, trying to vent his frustration without actually taking it out on someone, "You two idiots, I can't even believe it…"

And yet, somehow, he could.

Gojyo did not like going through the woods at all. It was too much like the dream he'd had, the sky was dark, the trees loomed over him like giants, watching, moving quietly, ready to kill, it was getting colder as the hours passed and there was that mist hanging all around them. It was bad enough without Sanzo being there, muttering and cursing and suddenly yelling at Gojyo for no apparent reason. The priest seemed angrier than usual, but Gojyo couldn't really blame him, not on a day like today. He _was_ irritated with him though for making so many demands and dragging him back here like this, especially when it seemed so unlikely that Hakkai would actually be there. Of course, Gojyo didn't have a better idea as to where they should look; he just wished that the whole thing could be over with so they could get out of this town.

It was really cold now. The moon was overtaken by clouds, and the wind was picking up and the fog was thickening. At first Gojyo tried to ignore his discomfort, but as time passed and his hands started to go numb he couldn't ignore it anymore, still, he didn't think he should mention it to Sanzo, it would only make the priest angrier.

Behind him a branch snapped, Gojyo spun around, half expecting to see something but they were still alone.

Sanzo tripped over a root and out of reaction, the hybrid reached out to catch him, was rewarded by a rude shove, "Don't touch me."

"Well excuse me, Mr. Holy, I was just trying to help."

"It's friggin' dark, can you make it lighter?

Gojyo didn't answer: he wasn't sure what the priest was getting at.

"Then I guess you're useless."

Not answering, Gojyo glanced around at his surroundings; they were starting to look horrifyingly familiar and he was afraid that at any moment he'd be standing in that clearing again, frozen in terror by…something. "Sanzo…"

"Shut up, Gojyo, I'm not in the mood for your ridiculous complaints."

"No, this is important," the hybrid hurried a little to catch up with his counterpart, "what do you think about seeing into the future?"

"I thought you said this would be important."

"Just answer the question."

"I don't see how it matters, but _I_ have never known anyone to be able to see into the future, happy? That doesn't mean it's not possible, I guess."

Gojyo picked his away along after the priest, careful for any fallen branches or logs, "So it's impossible to see how you're going to die?"

Something about the question must have hit home, because for the first time in hours Sanzo stopped and actually looked him in the eyes, "Why are you asking?"

"This place, it's just weird…bone chilling, you know…"

"I highly doubt you're going to die here, Gojyo; I plan on killing you myself someday, but that's only after I've gotten as much out of you as I possibly can."

Gojyo wasn't sure if he was joking or not so he laughed nervously.

"All I really _know_ right now though, is that we're not alone."

"I know, right? I feel it too, someone's definitely behind us."

"Oh, definitely." Sanzo turned around, pulling his gun out from where he kept it, "Hey, you! Who are you? State your business!"

Gojyo turned too to see if he could get a glimpse of whoever was stalking them, when he did he suddenly stopped cold. The young man in front of him was only a few hundred yards away, and although he couldn't make out any details about him, he could tell by the way he stood so utterly, completely still exactly who it was.

"Sanzo," he hissed, "that's him, that's the kid who was-"

"My name is Kai," the boy replied, stepping forward nonchalantly, hands in his pockets, "I'm looking for someone, that's all."

"Kai," Sanzo warned, "stop right there; what were you doing outside the inn today?"

Kai didn't stop, but he sounded sincerely confused, "Inn? What inn?"

"Don't play dumb you little shit," Gojyo snarled, not sure why his insides suddenly felt so twisted and warped, "we saw you outside this morning, now just what do you want?"

Smiling, the boy nodded, "You're him, aren't you? The one I've been looking for?"

"What? Me? How should I know?"

"Sha Gojyo?"

"What's it to you?"

Kai made a sudden, jerking movement with his left arm, like he were pulling something very quickly out of his pocket, there was a loud banging noise, followed immediately by a sharp, unbearable pain that shot up Gojyo's arm into his shoulder and out his ears.

Another gun went off and Sanzo was screaming his name, but Gojyo couldn't answer. He fell head over heels back into the darkness and stayed there.

He was so warm. It didn't make sense. The last thing he remembered was a shifting, shadowy figure coming closer and closer as he laid in bed and being so helpless that he hadn't even been able to lift his voice or fingers, but now he felt strong again, even if it had been years, which he really wasn't sure of in the first place, he felt strong now, strong enough to get up and walk on his own. Something was wrong, he could feel it, there was youkai energy somewhere, flowing strongly, and none of the voices around him were familiar. In fact, there were no voices at all, he was completely alone in the darkness and that was odd. He had not been so completely alone since Sanzo saved him from that place. Where was Sanzo now? Why wasn't he here with him? Dazed, Goku sat up and threw the mountain of blankets off onto the floor, looked around first at the empty bed next to his, then at the strange old woman who was sitting in a chair, sound asleep. She looked like one of the maids that had brought up dinner last night.

Dinner. Why couldn't Goku remember anything past that? Why was there nothing beyond all that food? Gojyo and he hadn't even needed to fight over it, the inn had served each of them on separate plates, which was unusual, but not unwelcome, and the helpings had been so large that Gojyo hadn't even finished all of his, leaving quite a bit for Goku to eat. Then Sanzo had gotten pissy because he was tired and Gojyo and Hakkai had gone to their own room, Sanzo had gone to bed, and Goku…he didn't know what he had done. He couldn't remember anything past that point up until now, it was like everything between had been wiped out. It might just be that same night, much, much later, but if so what had woken him? And where was Sanzo? Why was this strange woman here in place of the priest.

Rubbing his head, Goku slipped out of bed and started to get dressed so quietly that the woman didn't even stir, and when he was fully clothed again he left the room, shutting the door so that it would stay dark.

The fact that Sanzo was nowhere to be seen suggested that it was a different night, and that meant Goku had been unconscious for at least twenty-four hours but why? _Was it somethin' I ate?_ The food hadn't seemed strange then, but that didn't mean nothing was wrong with it. _What about Hakkai and Gojyo? Where're they?_ He slid easily down the hall, his youkai eyes well adjusted to seeing in the dark, and when he reached the door he simply popped it open and looked around. It was dark there as well, no sign of his companions, no deep, heavy breathing. He whispered, "Hakkai? Gojyo? Where is ev'ryone?"

Goku shook his head; something was definitely weird around here. If only he knew what time it was or what day it was, then maybe he could figure out what in the world had happened to him. He rushed downstairs, hoping that if his friends weren't there then at least there would be someone, the clerk or something. He guessed he could have asked the maid who was still in his room, but he didn't really want to wake her.

Downstairs was quiet, only a few night people were milling around and the lights were bright and comforting. A strange man with glasses and a well-groomed mustache was at the front desk humming and doing paperwork. Goku approached him, trying to remember to be polite, "Excuse me, pops, where's the lady that owns the inn?"

"Hm?" the man looked up, frowning a little, "I own this inn, son, what can I do for you?"

"Oh," Goku thought that was odd; he could have swore that when they'd come yesterday there had been a woman at the desk, "um, I was just wonderin' if ya' know anythin' about the guys I was travelin' with…"

"Sorry son, I've never seen you before in my life. Checked in here?"

Goku nodded. "There's a blonde guy wearing priest robes, and a tall guy with red hair, the other guy has a creepy smile and a pet dragon."

"Pet dragon? Now that you mention it…was it white?"

"Yeah."

"I saw something like that outside just a few minutes ago…no one with a creepy smile though. No priests or redheads either. What's the matter, did you lose them?"

Goku looked down and thought a moment. "Yeah, maybe. Thanks mister." He started to walk away from the desk to the front door, wondering what in the world was going on. The fact that the innkeeper didn't even know who he was talking about was disconcerting enough, but if Jeep was outside by himself…what had happened to the others? Why hadn't Goku been woken up?

He stepped outside, the air was cool and refreshing, the breeze helped him think with a little more clarity, but it wasn't enough as long as he still didn't know what was going on. He looked up and down the street for a moment, wondering where he should start looking or if he should look at all or if it would just be better to simply go back inside to wait. Waiting wasn't really his style. Besides, his friends might need him, they might be in trouble, and no answers were going to just fall on his lap if he sat here. He had to go out and find out what had happened, why he'd been sleeping so long, and why he'd woken up so suddenly.

Goku was on the verge of setting out to find his friends, he had even stepped onto the road, when he heard a familiar cheeping squeal behind him, and then, out of nowhere, Jeep was there, fluttering around his face, licking him and chirping happily.

"Jeep! There ya' are! The man inside said you were out here somewhere!" Goku threw his arms around the dragon and squeezed it so affectionately that Jeep flapped his wings and struggled, crying out in a high-pitched screech. "Hey, where's Hakkai at? D'you know?"

Bobbing its head up and down, Jeep arched back in a sudden circle and spiraled back onto Goku's arm, squawking all the more insistently.

"Take me to him, Jeep, I'm gonna' figure this out!" Goku threw Jeep gently into the air and watched as the small dragon began to fly due west, then Goku ran after him.


	4. Mist and Fire

Mist and Fire

Mist and Fire

The forest was dark and misty and cold, Hakkai felt edgy and nervous as he pushed his way through the dense overgrowth, branches snapping back as he shoved them aside, stumbling every now and then when there was a stump he didn't notice. He had put on Gojyo's jacket to ward off the cold, even if it did seem a little morbid to be wearing something that was stained with his friend's blood, and Jeep had disappeared some time ago, his ever present cheeping and trilling had faded, slowly, then disappeared all together. Hakkai kept his eyes open for the white dragon, but there was no sign of him. The youkai felt frustrated by that; it was already bad enough that any of this was happening, that Kai was doing this to him and Gojyo, but now Jeep was gone as well. Another part of the plan or just a coincidence? Hakkai was starting to think that nothing was coincidence.

He thought about Kai as he trudged along. No wonder he had looked familiar: he had been one of Hakkai's students, back four years ago before everything went wrong, he and his twin brother Tai had been thirteen and almost completely illiterate until Hakkai began teaching at the school. He'd always been fond of the brothers, but there had been something strange about them back then, something haunting that had always made Hakkai a little nervous. Their mother was dead, but it had been rumored that she was a witch of some kind while she was alive, and consequently the boys had known all kinds of odd spells that they had used to play pranks on not only their fellow schoolmates, but on the teacher as well, harmless things, but Hakkai had known that they were capable of more.

When the youkai had taken Kanan and Hakkai had killed everyone in the village he had killed Tai and his father and had assumed that Kai was dead too, but now it seemed that had not been the case, that the boy had survived and come all this way to have revenge for his family. His power likely had something to do with Goku's illness, it certainly wasn't that complex of a thing to make someone have a fever, was it? Hakkai was at a loss for what he should do about the boy; he didn't really want to kill him, he wanted to know that he had spared _someone_ from his old home, but if Kai was going to be so insistent on this revenge that he would try to end the lives of Hakkai's friends there really wasn't much to do other than to be rid of him as quickly as possible. If Gojyo was dead Hakkai didn't doubt that he wouldn't have a problem killing the young man; he wasn't the boy he had known once, that much was clear. His heart was full of vengeful thoughts.

Somewhere in the dark a shot ran out, making Hakkai jump and look around, an instant later there was a second, birds went wild, calling out in their surprise and taking to the sky, up and up and up until it looked like they were heading to the moon, and then the forest was quiet again. Hakkai stood perfectly still, breathing as evenly as possible. The gunfire made him think of Sanzo and Goku. He had left them so long ago, how were they doing? Maybe the shots had been from Sanzo's gun, it wasn't impossible for the priest to be out here, but if he was, Hakkai was worried about what he was shooting at. If Kai wanted revenge on Hakkai and he was already taking it out on Goku and Gojyo maybe he was hunting Sanzo as well. The thought made the youkai furious. He didn't want to think about his friends being pursued like animals. And if Sanzo was out here where was Goku? Hopefully he wasn't alone, that fever was very high and very dangerous.

Hakkai moved around a particularly large tree and continued on his way. In the distance he thought he could see lights, campfires almost, waving and dancing in the darkness, and the closer he got the more he could make out about the scene. He was approaching a clearing where a large fire had been made, and there were people there, people of all shapes, sizes and genders, moving around the fire, eating food and drinking and toasting and laughing. Strangely enough some of them looked like humans and some had the long, sharp ears of youkai. What did that mean? The humans didn't appear to be prisoners, they were roaming freely around the camp, just as jovial as their inhuman companions, in fact there were more of them than there were of youkai. It was an odd sight and Hakkai felt nervous, but he got closer, eyes open for any sign of Gojyo or Sanzo.

He stood just outside the clearing, pressed against a tree, watching carefully as the party went about their business, still laughing, still making merry, tried to hear what they were saying, but it was all the same nonsensical murmuring, stretched and muddled by distance.

A feminine figure flitted by the fire, she was clearly human and almost looked like the desk clerk from the inn. Startled, Hakkai pressed a little closer, trying to get a better look but she was too far away to see if it was that same heart-shaped face.

Then he felt the touch of a cold barrel against his neck suddenly, heard the gun cock, and took a sharp breath, kept his arms stiff at his sides. A rough voice said, "There you are, we've been expecting you, Cho Hakkai, the Youkai Slayer."

"What do you want?" Hakkai demanded, wishing he'd paid better attention to his surroundings; he wanted to turn and lash out at this man, take his gun if he could, but he didn't dare move, not with the ruthless steel against his skin.

"You'll know soon enough, for now just put your arms up and walk forward."

Hakkai didn't move, his mind was working at a mind-bending pace on a way to get out of this. He stalled, "Where's Gojyo?"

The man laughed rudely and struck Hakkai against the back of the head, knocking him to the ground, "If I were you I'd worry about myself and forget that filthy mongrel." He kicked Hakkai's ribs, "Now get up, and keep your hands where I can see them."

There was a hot, sticky warmth running down between his shoulder blades as Hakkai did his best to get up, his vision was blurry and he felt dizzy, his limbs were shaking with fury, but he put his arms up on top of his head and walked forward obediently. His captor gave him a little shove.

People around the fire were noticing him now, stopping what they were doing and staring, he saw several of them whispering to each other and wished he could hear them, saw the nasty smiles on their faces and thought on second thought that maybe he didn't want to know what they were talking about. Everything was still now, the only sound was the crackle of the fire. Directly ahead of Hakkai was a huge boulder where a man with long, black hair was seated; he had hard, cold, blue eyes and pointed youkai ears. He was smiling ferociously, revealing his fangs.

"Welcome Cho Hakkai," the man said, his voice was smooth and soft, but it was laced with danger and threats, "or should I call you Cho Gonou, since even though you changed your name you are still the same, ruthless, disgusting murderer you were four years ago?"

"Who are you?" Hakkai demanded, feeling a little dangerous himself. He tried to lower his hands, thinking of making a chi blast as quickly as he could to kill this man.

"Ah yes, how rude of me-please, keep your hand over your head, we know all about your chi manipulation-my name is Ikku, I don't expect you to know me, we've never met, but my cousins were member of the Hyakuganmaoh's tribe, in fact, every youkai here had family member in that castle when you attacked, and each human had someone they loved killed when you murdered everyone in that human village, all over your precious Kanan."

Hakkai couldn't believe what he was hearing. This again. And they'd all come so far to have this revenge too; he was starting to doubt that he'd ever be forgiven for his crimes. Perhaps it would have been better if the Three Aspects had ordered his execution after all. He wondered if he should try to waste an apology on all these angry people but doubted it would be worthwhile. "Where's Gojyo?" he demanded. "And Sanzo?"

"You tell me, Cho Gonou, they're not here. I haven't had anything to do with the priest or that disgusting half-blood."

The statement made Hakkai keep quiet. He looked down at the bloodstain on the jacket, wondering what in the world had happen to its owner, especially if he wasn't here. Hakkai just wanted to scream out of his pure frustration, he was so sick of this mindless search. "What about Kai?" he demanded, looking around for the human boy, but he wasn't present, "Where did _he_ go?"

"You'll know soon enough," Ikku promised, smiling darkly, "for now why don't you just relax. I know what you're thinking, it's ridiculous for us to have all this way just to have revenge, but to us it really isn't. We've been watching you, and we've noticed that you've been rebuilding your life, that you've have the audacity to make friends, to start anew and think that you will be allowed to live the rest of your days happily while we continue living in the memories of what we've all lost, that is why we all joined forces, in hopes of squelching these pathetic dreams of yours."

Ikku got up and paced back and forth, hands clasped behind his back, "You've taken a great deal from us: some of us lost lovers, some of us lost siblings, some of us became orphans, and if that were the only case we would be even: you've lost your lover who was also your sibling, and you've always been an orphan, but the fact of the matter is that we've also lost friends, and you," he stopped and smiled again, so chillingly that it seemed like an icy wind was blowing, "you've got friends, don't you?"

Panic raked its claws over Hakkai as he realized what Ikku was suggesting, then he protested, "No, those men are not my friends, they're just my traveling companions, I have no feelings for any of them!"

"Is that so? The boy Goku, whom you've so generously taken under your wing, whom you've even taken on the responsibility of educating, he means nothing to you?"

"Of course not," Hakkai tried to laugh but he was worried that his acting wasn't good enough, "that would be ridiculous."

"Well what about Priest Genjyo Sanzo? He's given you a new life hasn't he? He's done a lot for someone who didn't deserve it, you must be grateful."

"I'm an extraordinarily selfish being."

"And that slut, Gojyo, your roommate, the man who saved your life, the man who's life you saved, he's not your friend?"

"He appalls me."

"Does he? Then you won't object if we kill him?"

Hakkai didn't answer, he simply stared back into the burning, cruel eyes of Ikku, not sure how he could reply; there was no safety in any answer, if he said he didn't mind they'd likely still kill not only Gojyo but Sanzo and Goku too, and if he said he did mind the murder of his friends would be imminent. Hakkai felt the cold of the gun, still at his neck and tried desperately to think of a way out.

After Gojyo went down Kai turned to shoot Sanzo as well, but the priest was too fast, he fired his own gun as quickly as possible and the bullet hit right between the young man's eyes, and then, with a yowl, Kai fell back, blood spraying from his forehead; he didn't move. Sanzo turned to Gojyo and knelt beside him, "Gojyo? Can you hear me? Answer me, you damn kappa!"

It was shocking to Sanzo to realize that he was afraid, especially since Gojyo so annoyed him, but there was so much blood on the kappa's shirt that it was hard to tell where he'd been shot, and if he was dead Sanzo didn't really know what he would do. He still had to find Hakkai, but he couldn't leave the dead body of one of his comrades out here, and he certainly couldn't carry it with him. He thought about what Gojyo had asked about knowing when he was going to die and felt his stomach twist. He didn't know what had raised that question but it seemed very ominous now. He shook the kappa, surprised by just how close he was to being frantic, "Gojyo, dammit! Answer me!"

The half-blood moaned, his eyelashes fluttered as he opened his eyes and stared up at Sanzo, "What?"

The panic sank a little, but Sanzo didn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. Then, after a moment he asked, "Where did it hit?"

"In the Goddamn arm…shit that hurts…" slowly the kappa sat up, leaning against the tree directly behind him and cradled his now bleeding arm, wincing.

Trying to act annoyed, Sanzo ripped off part of Gojyo's shirt and wrapped it as tightly as he could around the bullet wound, but the bleeding continued, "Way to get shot, idiot."

"Shut up and eat me, Sanzo, how was I supposed to know the little bastard was packing heat? Did _you_ know?"

"Of course not." Sanzo snapped. "It's just…now you're an even bigger pain in the ass than before."

"Damn, and all this time I thought you didn't care," Gojyo sneered, bracing himself against the tree and starting to rise painstakingly slowly. "What now, Sanzo?"

The priest looked at him, half expecting the kappa to fall over at any moment, "As long as you can walk we've still got to find Hakkai. I'm starting to get a really bad feeling about all of this.

"It's this place…" Gojyo muttered, so low it sounded more like he was talking to himself.

"What do you mean, 'it's this place'?" He looked back at him as they started to move on.

"Nothin'," Gojyo fumbled through his pockets and got out his cigarettes, lit it the best he could with his injured arm and puffed on it, "it's just sort of creepy, you know."

"Maybe if you're still scared of the dark you should just go back to the inn." He almost wished Gojyo _would_ go back, now that he was injured he was sure to be a hassle, and Sanzo was starting to worry about Goku. The monkey was already in danger from his illness, but if someone had gone out of their way to kill Gojyo maybe there was someone else out there to kill Goku too.

Gojyo scoffed, "It ain't the _dark_ I'm scared of…"

"We don't have time for games, kappa, we've got to find Hakkai."

"About Hakkai, what do you think all of this is really about?"

"If I had to guess I'd say it has to do with Hakkai's past."

"Great," Gojyo groaned, "so this is like Chin Yisou all over again? What'd we do to deserve this?"

"I doubt it has very much to do with me, but I'm not surprised I'm getting all wrapped up in the middle of it. And try not to drip blood all over, kappa, we don't want to be easier to find than we already are."

"Yeah, hang on a sec' while I just _stop bleeding._"

Sanzo sighed, "You really are just a waste of air."

"And you really are an arrogant sonnova-"

Somewhere to the right Sanzo heard trees rustling, "Quiet Gojyo."

The kappa stopped and they were both silent, Gojyo's pain-filled breathing filled the air, "What is it? Did you see something?"

"I don't think our friend with the gun was the only one following us."

"Great." Sanzo dimly perceived Gojyo's Shakujou appearing in his right hand, wondered if he could use it with only one arm but didn't really want to hear the answer so didn't ask. He had a feeling he already knew that Gojyo wasn't going to be a lot of use with one arm damaged, it would just be better not to mention it. The pair stayed still, watching, eyes alert, listening to the night, but there was no sign of movement and Sanzo started to think that maybe he'd just imagined it.

Then, up ahead, when he was just about to continue walking, there was the sound of footsteps and the cracking of branches, a shadowy figure came, seemingly out of nowhere and glanced at them, hesitantly, before it began to jog in the other direction. Sanzo's mouth opened a little as he stared after it: garbed in green, dark brown hair, it looked exactly like Hakkai, but still…

Apparently Gojyo thought the same thing because he called out, "Hey, Hakkai! Where the hell've you been? We've been lookin' all over for you!"

"Gojyo," Sanzo warned, turning a sharp eye on the kappa, but his red-haired companion was already walking away, shakujou fading.

"Hakkai! Come back here! Where're you goin'?"

"Gojyo!"

Ignoring the priest, Gojyo picked up the pace, ran off in the same direction Hakkai had gone, leaving Sanzo there alone, trying to decide what to do as quickly as possible.

"Dammit!" He muttered, and with one last look around, raced after Gojyo. It was surprisingly difficult for him to follow the two youkai in the dark, since their eyes were better accustomed and their bodies were stronger, Hakkai and Gojyo were able to get quite a ways ahead of Sanzo, but he struggled on after them, more and more irritated every time his robe got ripped on a branch or a rock. He was thinking about all the ways he was going to make them suffer after he finally caught up to them when he suddenly ran headlong into Gojyo and the pair fell all over one another, shouting in surprise and struggling to get disentangled.

"What did you stop for?" Sanzo demanded.

"Weren't you calling me?"

"I didn't expect you to actually stop!"

"That's good, because I didn't stop for you." Sitting up, Gojyo winced and held his wounded arm, "I lost him, I don't know which way he went. God he was running fast."

Testing his body for injuries, Sanzo climbed to his feet, then, as a second thought, hoisted the Kappa up by his shirtfront, "That may not have been him. If it was why would he run from us?"

"Dunno, it's damn fishy. I'd say it's abrasively fishy." The kappa smirked at Sanzo.

Ignoring the inside joke, if it could even really be called that, Sanzo looked up at the sky. The moon was completely hidden by clouds, the sky was darker than ever and it seemed to be growing darker still. _How annoying._ "I don't like this, Gojyo, we're not getting anywhere…"

"I know what you mean, it's almost like…" the kappa glanced around, clearly ill at ease, "almost like we're walking into a trap."

No sooner had the words been spoken the ground was swept out from beneath Sanzo and he tumbled backward, fell against something stiff and watched as he was lifted up from the world, felt Gojyo fall over top of him with a startled yelp, and the pair struggled to get away from each other for several minutes before they realized they couldn't, and Sanzo was staring down at the ground through the tiny mesh of a steel net. Angrily, he shoved Gojyo away, and they sat back to back, legs dangling through the bottom.

"What the hell?"

"Of all the times for you to be perceptive!" Sanzo growled, pulled at the netting in vein: it was coarse and stiff and thick, and there was absolutely no hope of it breaking.

Gojyo almost seemed to laugh, leaned back against Sanzo with a sigh, "Damn, I hate it when I'm right."

The straits seemed so dire that Sanzo didn't even notice the unwanted contact. "It really is a pain."

He heard the kappa pluck at the net material, musing, "I bet my shakujou could cut right through this shit."

"Don't you _dare_ get that thing out in this tight little space!"

"Relax." Gojyo used his good arm to grab onto the net, pulled himself up and stood precariously on the mesh. He was quiet a moment, "D'you hear that, Sanzo?"

"Great, now you're hearing things."

"No really, listen."

Sanzo cocked his head a little to see if he could hear anything; at first there was nothing, just the sound of the wind in the trees and the far away cries of animals hunting in the night, but the more he listened the more he thought he could hear voices, talking and even singing. He looked around, but there was no one nearby but Gojyo. Maybe these woods were haunted by spirits, that was something he hadn't considered yet, and he was tired of guessing at what was going on and being wrong.

"Sounds like a party, and we're missing it. I bet there are chicks there. Hell, I bet Hakkai is there."  
"Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."

"That so? Well watch, Lord Sanzo, as my 'stupidity' gets us out of this mess."

Before Sanzo could stop him, Gojyo had his shakujou out again and was bracing himself to use it.

"Gojyo! Are you an idiot?"

"Guess so." With a heave, the kappa swung his weapon and the chain flew out through the meshing, came around the crescent shaped blade hit the ropes that were holding the net up and the suspension was broken. Sanzo barely contained a scream as he felt his body dropping, the ground came rushing up at them in a flurry of darkness, then they hit hard, landing in a mess of limbs and rope.

The next thing he knew, Sanzo was laying on his back looking up through the canopy at the sky again, Gojyo collapsed in a writhing heap beside him moaning about his arm.

"You are _such_ a moron, Gojyo."

"Screw you, we're out, aren't we? Let's go check out that party."

Muttering about all the things he really wanted to do to Gojyo just then, Sanzo forced himself to get up and rubbed his now bruised shoulder, listened again for the voices they'd heard in the night. They seemed to be coming from all around, making it impossible to pinpoint an exact location. "I can't tell where it's coming from, can you? Oy. Kappa?"

He felt Gojyo touch him on the shoulder and almost shoved him off, but thought better of it and turned to face the half-blood, found himself looking down the long barrel of a gun, and past the barrel was the ugly, grinning face of a youkai.

Sanzo's heart skipped a beat as he looked back into those predatory eyes and he suddenly felt like a total idiot. They really had walked right into a trap.

"Shit on a goddamn stick, looks like the party came to us."

The ache in Gojyo's arm was getting worse, it was sharp and constant like a burning flame, eating through his flesh and blood and into the bone, he could feel the fresh, hot blood running from the wound, making the long journey over his forearm and wrist, the makeshift bandage Sanzo had applied was soaked all the way through and could barely contain the blood anymore. The kappa vaguely realized that he could bleed to death before the night was over. He wondered if the bullet were lodged in his bone and how he could possibly hope to get it out. He'd never been shot before, it was a terrifying experience, especially considering everything that could happen: septicemia, lead poisoning, obviously bleeding until he couldn't bleed anymore, infection, a number of possibilities for an excruciating death. Sanzo didn't seem worried. God forbid the high and mighty priest should show a little concern for one of his teammates.

On top of that, he was cold, and not _just_ cold, he was freezing, the loss of blood added to the fact that his already sleeveless shirt was ripped and tattered made it almost impossible to retain body heat, and to make matters worse, the wind was picking up, coming through the trees and blowing his long, crimson hair in all directions. The only good thing so far about having a youkai with a gun right behind him was that they seemed to be approaching a fire of some kind, that meant that he might be able to get warm before they shot him. He glanced at Sanzo, wishing there was some way to communicate without being executed, it was imperative that they come up with a plan to get out of this, but so far the only thing they could do was make eye contact with each other. The youkai and his companions had tied their arms behind their backs and gagged them, making any kind of escape impossible. The hybrid's arm was getting stiff as well as gushing blood.

The voices they'd heard earlier were getting closer as they approached the fire, and it was clear that someone had set up a camp out here, a large one judging by the number of shadowy silhouettes he saw around the fire. They were laughing and dancing and some were even singing, he smelled food and his stomach growled as he realized he hadn't eaten since morning. He wondered if it was possible to eat before being killed. _And while I'm at it I might as well ask them to let me get it on with some tart, 'cause it's never gonna' happen._

They were almost there now, he could see people staring out at them, faces hidden by the blackness and he realized that there were humans along with the youkai. He tried to catch Sanzo's eye, wondering if the priest had figured anything out, but Sanzo didn't look at him. Only one thing seemed certain: no one was going to eat Gojyo, the youkai were a lot of things, but they weren't cannibals. The golden-haired priest was a different story… Could he possibly protect Sanzo if he _were_ on the menu? Would Sanzo even _want_ to be protected?

Behind him the youkai gave him a rough shove into the clearing and Gojyo struggled to keep his balance without arms, fell face down in the dirt, heard laughter all around him, and then Sanzo landed practically on top of him. The hybrid lifted his face, trying to get a glimpse of what was going on, the youkai standing over him were laughing and jeering, someone yanked his red hair, another kicked his ribs, knocking the wind out of him. Sanzo was receiving similar treatment.

"Here they are Ikku," one of his captors stepped forward, "The honored priest and the half-blooded freak."

"Gojyo! Sanzo!"

Gojyo stared up through the crowd at Hakkai, he was just standing there, surrounded by the youkai, looking on in horror as his friends got beaten down.

"Any last words, bastards?"

The gag was removed. Gojyo heard Sanzo scream, "You mother-"

A youkai kicked the priest in the face, silencing him then they were both pulled to their feet and shoved into Hakkai.

"Are you two all right? Gojyo, you're bleeding!"

The hybrid stared at his friend, a little shocked to see him after he'd spent so long looking for him, saw that he was wearing his own leather jacket over his green tunic, remembered for the first time that he had left it back at the inn…that seemed so long ago. "Took a bullet to the arm, nothin' serious." Gojyo tried to smile but the pain contorted it into a wince. Hakkai looked at him, face full of concern.

"What the hell is going on, Hakkai?" Sanzo demanded, "Who are these people?"

Hakkai smiled nervously, "It seems my past is catching up to us again." He looked around as if expecting to see someone, "Goku is still at the inn I presume."

"Enough." Commanded a tall youkai with jet-black, waist length hair and icy eyes. "I'm not interested in your incessant chattering."

"Who are you?" Gojyo looked at him rudely

"My name is Ikku." The man bowed deeply, "And you, you're Sha Gojyo. I have to say, you don't look very much like your brother."

Gojyo felt the cold wash of shock that he so hated, struggled momentarily with his bindings, "What do you know about my brother?"

"Not very much; I met him once when he himself was coming west, that was before he met Lord Kougaiji and became Dokugakuji."

"So you work for Kougaiji, is that it?" Sanzo sounded strangely calm to Gojyo, he hoped that meant the priest had an idea for how to get out of this situation.

"Not at all, I've not even met our good prince, this is all for me, all for the sake of revenge."

"Let me guess. You were there at Hyakuganmaoh's castle when Hakkai attacked and now you want to get even." Sanzo almost sounded sarcastic.

"Something like that. But it's not what you think, I'm sure, I promise that Cho Hakkai will leave this place physically unscathed. You, though, priest, may not be that fortunate." Suddenly he grabbed Gojyo by the front of the shirt and threw him out into the clear again, the kappa collapsed to his knees and looked around wildly as a circle of humans and youkai closed around him. "The same goes for you taboo friend."

"Gojyo!"

Ikku chuckled a little, "Afraid, Cho Hakkai?" he walked away from the others and approached the redhead, seized him by the face suddenly, forcing Gojyo to look into those terrifyingly cold eyes, "Well, boy, how strong are you? I know you're only a mutt but you must have some grit in you, am I right?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

The man's smile grew more intense and he gritted his teeth, punched Gojyo across the face, knocking him on his back in the dust and stood over him, fist clenched, "What I'm talking about is your physical strength, your ability to fight, with or without your weapon; it is clear that you are not a normal youkai, you do not wear a limiter to blend in with the humans because you have no immense power to suppress. Isn't that true? You're mother tried to kill you for what you are."

"How the-"

"Your brother was willing to kill her for you, am I right? You were a curse to them both until the very end, don't you think maybe you are also a burden on your comrades now?"

"I-"

"Wouldn't the world be better if it didn't have to put up with your foul blood?"

"Don't listen to him Gojyo!" Hakkai warned.

"Oh, but you have to listen to me, you have no other choice." Ikku began to circle around the hybrid, slowly, predatorily, like a tiger, teeth glistening, "Tell me, Sha Gojyo, have you ever thought about how you're going to die or where or when?"

Gojyo struggled to his knees, arm throbbing, lied, "N-no."

"Interesting." Ikku pulled a knife from his belt, it glimmered red-orange in the fire light, Gojyo stared in panic, there was no time to move or even scream.

He heard Hakkai call his name, desperate, frantic.

Then the ropes were cut, Gojyo's wrists were free again, and he wasted no time leaping to his feet as Ikku put the knife away again and smiled at him, viciously.

"There, you're free now, so that raises my next question: are you a coward? Will you turn and run like your friend Banri would?"

"How do you know Banri?" Gojyo wondered if this were all a trick, if his old roommate were playing some kind of horrible joke on him.

"I know all about your past, Gojyo, I've been watching you a long time, I've been watching all of your friends, waiting to see what would come of your relationships to Hakkai, to see if they would be worth destroying. You see, a number of my good friends died in Hyakuganmaoh's castle that day, and I can't bear to see Cho Gonou, the murderer, cultivating new friendships when so many people _I _loved are gone now. Can you understand that, hybrid?"

Gojyo balled his fists and watched Ikku with his eyes, observant of the man's body language and movement, careful so that he'd be ready if he attacked. He thought he knew where this was going. "So you think that killing _me_-killing Sanzo and Goku and I-will be good revenge on Hakkai? It's been tried."

"Ah, I watched Chin Yisou's pathetic attempt, but he was far too interested in Hakkai himself to actually succeed, he wanted to toy with him too much, he was obsessed you could say, but I'm not like that. I'm interested in _you_ Gojyo, that's why I did so much research before making my move, and when you're gone I'll be interested in Priest Genjyo Sanzo, and then in Son Goku, and when Hakkai is alone again I will leave, back into the shadows to watch, to see if he ever makes the mistake of trying to befriend someone ever again."

"I've got to hand it to you, that's pretty sick."

"Thank-you. That brings me back to my question though, are you going to run now that you are free?"

Gojyo spat and grinned, "Run? From _you_? Are you joking?"

"I see. In that case, do you think you're up to a fight? That arm is certainly not in top condition."

"Bring it on, dick."

Ikku laughed, "Good heavens boy, not _me_. I can't dirty my hands with your tainted blood." He stepped back and snapped his fingers.

Gojyo scanned the crowd, wondering who he was going to be forced to fight with. There were a lot of faces, most were grave, several looked gleeful with pleasure, he spotted the desk clerk from the inn and she waved at him flirtatiously. Behind him there was movement, he spun around as quick as he good, only to be met by a giant's fist. Gojyo flew back several feet and skidded through the dust, found himself staring up at a man over two heads taller than himself, coiled with rippling muscles, his head bald and glistening. There was a scar that started at the top of his forehead and went all the way down his neck to his collar bone, one of his long, pointed ears had been cut off; he was smiling hideously and coming forward, cracking his knuckles. Gojyo wiped the blood from his lips and strained to sit up.

"This is Toku, one of my prized fighters, one of the strongest men I've ever met. See if you can even stand beside him."

Gojyo stared up at the man, totally shocked; he felt his heart starting to hammer inside him, like a crazed animal, sweat dribbled down his forehead.

"I wonder, Sha Gojyo," Ikku mused, "you saved Cho Gonou from certain death, but did you ever imagine you would one day die because of it? You're good friends now, aren't you? Best friends even, has it been worth it?"

With a quick glance at Hakkai, Gojyo wondered the same thing. He got to his feet slowly. Blood was gushing over his wounded arm, the tourniquet was loose now, falling off from activity, he felt a little dizzy, like he had gotten up too fast. He summoned his shakujou, and without warning dove at the giant, the long steel shaft of it glittering. He struck hard in an attempt to slash the man's face and lay it open but Toku was too quick and he moved away so that the blade glided over his shoulder, just barely cutting into it.

Angrily, Gojyo swung again, this time with the crescent blade, the chain hissed through the night, his aim was true, in spite of the pain he was experiencing, and he was sure to hit his target, to cut the man's rippling, thick throat so that his head would roll on the ground.

Toku reached out and caught the chain in his giant fist and wrenched it hard, jerking Gojyo forward, he grabbed the young man's hair with his free hand and kneed him in the face. Pain exploded in Gojyo's head, his neck snapped back, blood gushed down from his nose and eye; he even felt it starting to drip from his left ear. He heard his comrades shouting, angry and helpless, then he was on the ground again, laying still and panting hard. He opened his eyes just a slit and stared up at Toku who was looming over him, grinning in satisfaction.

He reached down and grabbed Gojyo's shirtfront, hauling him off the ground much to the delight of the crowd and struck him hard in the forehead with his own, rock hard head before flinging him away again.

Gojyo's body shivered with pain. His right arm was still useless, his head felt like it was broken open, but he knew he couldn't roll over and die, not in front of all these people, and especially not if it was what Ikku wanted Hakkai to see. He glanced over his shoulder and saw his friends, straining to escape their guards, mouth open in screams. He didn't want to let them down…he didn't want to look bad.

With an enraged scream, Gojyo threw the shakujou aside and ran headlong at Toku, punched him so hard in the gut he felt his fist crack, but he ignored the new, sharp wash of pain and hit hard with the other, then with his elbow, over and over, a barrage of fists and feet, screaming and cussing his frustration.

Toku only laughed, like Gojyo was a little kid throwing a fit.

The hybrid cocked back and hit as hard as he could with both fists at the same time, plunging them as deep as he could into Toku's stomach.

The giant coughed and hacked and doubled over, howling and clutching his stomach. Gojyo spun around and roundhouse kicked him across the ugly face, breaking the man's nose. Blood sprayed everywhere as the giant hit the ground. Gojyo landed roughly and stood still, panting hard, his wounds lit with fire, his vision starting to black out a little. The crowd was still cheering even though their champion had fallen. They were bloodthirsty, they just wanted to see a good show.

Slowly, every movement laced with agony, Gojyo bent to retrieve his weapon, smiled insolently at Ikku, "One of the strongest men I'll ever meet huh?"

Ikku was clapping, "Very impressive, Sha Gojyo, for a worthless half blood at least, but as always, there is more than meets the eye."

Someone grabbed Gojyo from behind and kicked him in the back, sending a new, even fiercer pain, running up his spine. He gasped and collapsed at Toku's feet. The giant laughed.

"Don't get cocky you idiot!" Sanzo shouted.

Gojyo _really_ wanted to cuss him out, but Toku set one huge foot on his head and was stepping down with all his weight, laughing hysterically as Gojyo writhed on the ground and struggled to get away. He could hear his own skull cracking, a terrifying realization, his vision started to fade black.

Toku stepped away and circled around him, kicked him hard in the stomach so that the half blood was airborne for just a moment before he landed like a brick several feet away.

He lay utterly still, the crowd around him was a distant roar, his own heart sounded sluggish and slow, blood was oozing everywhere, the pain was dulling though, he thought he heard Hakkai screaming at him, begging him to get up, but he couldn't move. The phrase '…we owe it to them to protect ourselves…' played over and over in his head.

"You dead?" Toku asked in a soft, stupid voice, nudging him with the toe of his boot.

Gojyo tried to move, his left arm twitched, his body shivered, as he breathed he could feel that his ribs were broken, but none of that mattered, he knew he had to get up, he couldn't let all these youkai be right about him, he couldn't let them believe that he was weak and cowardly and worthless. He felt the tears of frustration and helplessness threatening to bust from his eyes and wiped them away, forced himself to get up.

The crowd fell silent. All eyes were on him; even Toku was just standing still, gaping. He gripped the shakujou in his broken hand and for some reason thought about Jien. His brother had never been required to care about him, they were only half brothers after all, and yet he had, he had loved him enough to kill his own mother to protect him, he had thought Gojyo was worth it. Gojyo didn't want to think that his brother had been wrong.

"You…" he sputtered, "…will _never_ kill me…"

Ikku smiled, "Oh? Is that so? And why is that?"

"Because…like you already pointed out…we've got something you don't have…all of us…and it's because of that I can't die here…not now…if someone believes in me I owe it…to them to protect myself…" he closed his eyes and felt the tears starting to run down his face, "I owe it to them…to at least… _try._"

"How touching. But we've all seen how weak you are, you couldn't protect Kinkaku from Kami-sama, how can you hope to protect yourself?"

Furious at the mention of the youkai boy Gojyo had failed to save from a painful death, the hybrid came to life again, sprang at Ikku and struck with his weapon.

So fast that Gojyo couldn't even follow the movement, Ikku struck with his own fist, knocking Gojyo away, effortlessly it seemed. "Is that all you've got? Toku, finish the sentimental fool off."

Gojyo pushed himself up on his elbows, then on his knees, and just when he was almost on his feet Toku bashed him over the head with his fist, crushing him down. The hybrid screamed in pain as the man kicked him in the chest, and then in the face. He hoisted him up by the hair and hit him over and over, slapping him across the face, punching him in the chest so hard Gojyo coughed up blood. He battered him back and forth like a punching bag until the beating was so unreal Gojyo couldn't even feel it anymore.

"Stop!" Hakkai screamed, "For God's sake stop! Leave him alone!"

"Shut…the fuck…up…dumbass…" Gojyo muttered as loud as his weakened body would allow. Toku dropped him, and as the hybrid stared up at Hakkai he realized that his right eye wasn't working. "Don'cha' get it…Hakkai? …this's…for you…"

He felt his body being lifted again, he glared up into Toku's face and forced himself to smile, even that simple action brought whole worlds of pain he had never imagined before, "If you're gonna' kill me…do it quick…'fore I kill you…"

Toku laughed, "Kill me?" He spread his hand out, displaying his long, sharp claws, slashed Gojyo across the stomach quick and deep, hot crimson splattered on the ground as Gojyo's body hit hard, coughing and writhing and struggling to keep living, the heartbeat starting to slow.

Hakkai watched in horror. He couldn't believe it, he couldn't believe he was watching his friend die like this. He struggled with his guards again, tried to run forward, tried to get to Gojyo. If he could only be there, if he could only heal that wound, if somehow he could only protect his friend. "Get away from him!" he screamed. "Leave him alone!" but his voice was ignored, the men holding him back were strong and they held him back easily, laughing.

Toku was moving forward again, laughing, red dripping from his claws, "Time to say goodnight I guess."

Gojyo watched him come, unable to move, not even really thinking. All he could see was blackness, an endless expanse of dark, and that horrible, disgusting face, smiling at him; he could hear his heart starting to slow, he could feel the rush of his blood, sluggish, tired, beaten. Like himself. Utterly beaten. Utterly destroyed. Useless. Worthless. Weak. That was him. Good for nothing. Just like Sanzo said. A waste of skin. A pathetic excuse for a sentient being. He smiled thinking about Sanzo. Such an asshole, really such a prick, he hated that _he_ was the one he had wound up thinking about here, now, seconds before he died, why couldn't it be a beautiful woman? Why couldn't it be Jien or Hakkai or even Goku? Why couldn't it be anyone but Sanzo?

With what seemed to be the last bit of strength he had, Gojyo groped for his shakujou, he clutched it tightly, ignoring the boiling pain that was rushing up his broken arm. He hated that ugly, stupid face, he wanted to kill his opponent, even if he still died, he at least wanted the satisfaction of rubbing this disgusting creature off the face of the earth; Gojyo waited until Toku's face was right above him, then, using one more surge of physical power, he swung his arm, he let the chain of the shakujou fly, and watched without emotion as the crescent blade severed Toku's head from his body and that huge, hulking shape came rushing down at him, larger and larger and larger, ready to crush him, the hot liquid trying to drown him.

Something delayed that crushing impact, caught the body, and pushed it away. Another enemy? Did he have to fight someone else now? "I won!" he sputtered weakly, "Now let me die…in Goddamn peace!"

Whoever it was took him in their arms, cradled his bleeding head and upper torso. Gojyo was furious. He tried to push them away but his arms wouldn't move, his voice couldn't speak. He was helpless, that same horrible feeling he hated so damn much.

"Gojyo," a familiar voice said, "it's me!"

That voice…he'd heard it…it was so annoying. "Go…ku?"


	5. Dead

Dead

Dead

Hakkai stared at the boy. He was so surprised to see him up and about and so active and healthy that for a moment he forgot to be utterly furious. "Goku! How did you find us? What are you doing here? Are you all right?"

Goku smiled at him, "Jeep showed me th' way, I feel great, just a little hungry."

"Ah, Son Goku," Ikku said, and Hakkai was forced to return his attention to him, "I'm surprised to see you alive, Kai was supposed to finish you off, but then…I suppose that's just as well. We can dispose of you here."

The boy turned on the man, looking angry, "Who the heck're you? And what did ya' do to Gojyo?"

"I'm sure you'll see soon enough. Seize him."

"Goku!" Hakkai screamed, "Get away!" He couldn't even imagine watching his young friend go through the same torment Gojyo had just undergone.

Several strong looking youkai rushed at the boy, guns and clubs and swords in hand. Goku laid Gojyo down gently and got to his feet, holding his Nyoi-Bo tightly, "All right assface, I'll get t' ya' later." He sprang up in the air and smashed the men across the faces, knocking most of them out and breaking several necks, then he danced around them and over to Sanzo and Hakkai, dodging the bullets the guards were firing and quickly putting them out; he used one of their daggers to cut Hakkai and Sanzo loose.

Immediately there was pandemonium in the camp, youkai and humans alike were rushing around, fighting, trying to kill each other. Sanzo found his gun and began to shoot everyone that moved. Goku was darting among the attackers, swinging his bo, cracking skulls and busting jaws. Hakkai engulfed several people with a chi blast and turned around to snap the neck of a man sneaking up on him. The trio worked quickly and indiscriminately, slaying both youkai and humans as efficiently as possible, soon a number of them were retreating back into the woods, screaming.

Hakkai found himself back to back with Goku and said with a small laugh, "I'm really glad to see you're all right Goku, you had us all quite worried."

"I still have no idea what day it is."

"I'm afraid we'll have to explain later." Hakkai smacked a man across the face and allowed him to collapse at his feet.

"Right."

There was a sudden gush of wind that almost blew the trio over and then a dark purple mist shot over them, sweeping the remaining youkai and humans away, a cruel, ominous laugh ran through the air, rippling and rising up over them until it filled the night, Ikku stepped forward, a strange halo of dark chi engulfing his hand, "You fools," he sneered, his black hair waving around him, "do you really think you will escape that easily? I swear it to you, Cho Hakkai, if you leave this place you will only leave alone."

"Keep talking, bastard," Sanzo aimed his gun for the man's chest, "you've lost."

With another laugh Ikku sent another blast of dark chi at them, knocking the gun out of Sanzo's hand. "Quite the contrary, I think, this fight is not over just because Gojyo killed Toku and your other friend has arrived."

"You _will not_ win," Hakkai said a little desperately. His heart was overwhelmed by guilt as he thought of how he'd allowed Gojyo to get hurt, he didn't want to see anything like that ever again. He reached up and touched his left ear tentatively. "I promise you that."

"Hakkai, don't," Sanzo grabbed his wrist, "you know what could happen!"

"Sanzo, I cannot allow him to do to you and Goku what I allowed him to do to Gojyo!"

"You're such an idiot, Hakkai, don't you think that damn kappa knew what he was getting into? He chose this! And if we choose this too you've got no right to stop us!"

"Yeah," Goku chimed, "this guy's not that tough, we can take 'im!"

"Fools," Ikku laughed, "you have no idea what you're getting yourselves into: you two will not leave this site alive!" He flew at them, black hair flying back, claws poised and struck Goku across the face, knocking him to the ground, then turning to Sanzo, another chi blast ready; the priest just barely managed to get out of the way in time, just as Goku was getting to his feet.

Hakkai sprang at Ikku, using his chi manipulation to make his fists into deadly weapons, attacked, swinging and striking, looking for a weak spot, and getting knocked away. Ikku went past him and was at Goku again, grabbed him by the face and smashed him down into the earth, laughing.

Sanzo picked up a sword one of the fleeing yokai had dropped and ran at Ikku, screaming, "You piece of shit!" he slashed at the demon, but Ikku managed to turn away and the sword only cut across his cheek a little, leaving a long, red slice.

He growled angrily and turned to face Sanzo, eyes full of hatred, Hakkai and Goku hurried to get to their human friend but Ikku unleashed a tremendous chi blast that blew them all backward. Then he lifted a fist, allowing an aura of purple to gather there, gaze set balefully on Sanzo, "Very well then, priest, _you'll_ die before your monkey companion, if that's what you want."

Sanzo stared up at the chi, awed by its magnitude. Hakkai ran towards him, knowing that the human would never be able to survive a blast like that, and he couldn't let Sanzo get hurt, not over something like this, but he was too far away now, Ikku's last attack had sent him sprawling several yards away, he'd never make it on time.

A gunshot rang out over the sky splitting the tension, Ikku howled in pain, blood sprayed from his left shoulder and he clutched it.

The kappa was up again, buckling under the weight of his afflictions, leaning heavily on his shakujou, he was covered in blood, it ran down his face completely covering his right eye, over his neck, down his arm where the bullet had hit, there was an enormous stain of red on the front of his white shirt where Toku had torn him open, and the oozing blood ran down his matching hair and from both ears. He was grinning, breathing heavy and had a gun in his hand, the barrel still smoking, "No one's killin' Sanzo, asshole…'specially not you…"

Hakkai screamed, "Gojyo! You've got to get out of here!"

"You dirty bastard," Ikku smiled, "what they say about you is true, isn't it? You really _are_ a cockroach."

"Damn straight. _That's_ why you can never…ever…kill me…"

"We'll see about that, won't we?" Ikku marched up to him, shoulder soaked with blood, towered over the hybrid, that cruel smile still on his tight lips, "I'm tired of your insolence, Sha Gojyo." With a tight, swift motion, he backhanded Gojyo across the face, knocking him in the dirt, making him slide several feet.

"Gojyo!" Hakkai ran to him as quick as he could, ignoring the protests of his other friends, found himself kneeling beside Gojyo, lifted him in his arms and cradled his head and shoulders..

"That's right, Hakkai, you may as well say goodbye to him now, clearly his worthless life is all over."

Hakkai ignored him, looked down into the pain-drawn features of his friend, afraid of how frail his body felt felt, afraid of the blood that was oozing, it seemed, from everywhere, "Gojyo! Answer me!"

The hybrid winced, his bloodied face contorted in agony, then he smiled, bright red gushing from his mouth, a sure sign of internal bleeding, "Damn…don't know why I bother…with you…Hakkai…"

"Quiet Gojyo, just don't talk…I'm sorry I got you into this. I promise I'll get you out."

"Knock it off…just shut up…Hakkai, Sanzo's right about one thing," he opened his eyes and locked gazes with his friend, "I chose this…remember? I chose to save you that night four years ago…I chose to help you…even after Sanzo told me what you did…so don't even…take all the credit…for this…"

"I can't ask you to do this, Gojyo, not after you've already done so much for me."

"You're not askin', stupid."

Hakkai laughed nervously, "I suppose I'm not. But still, you don't owe me anything Gojyo, if anything _I _owe _you_."

"Feh. For what?"

"Come now. You must know—you saved my life, Gojyo, you took care of me when I was injured, I'm forever indebted to you."

"Maybe…but I've always thought…maybe it was the other way around…you already saved me once, Hakkai, I don't need you to do it again…"

The youkai kept silent, gazing down into his friend's pain-torn features, not sure what to make of the statement. "I do. I can't live with the knowledge that you died on my account."

Gojyo closed his eyes and didn't answer; he was quiet for such a long time Hakkai worried he'd passed out or died, but then, the hybrid sat up with a groan, struggled to his feet, falling once. "That's…what's so stupid about this…you don't want me to die for you…and I sure as hell wouldn't allow you to die for a filthy bastard like me."

"Gojyo, come on, please, just stay down," Hakkai set a hand on his shoulder, "we'll finish this…please…"

The hybrid ignored him and got up, knees buckling, hands trembling with the effort. He took a staggering step forward, then another, and another, made his way slowly toward Ikku, good eye focused on the black haired demon, lifted the gun he was still clutching in his blood-covered hand.

"So fuckwad…are you ready to…say goodbye now…?"

"I'm afraid you are mistaking: it is _you_ who will die, Sha Gojyo, that I promise. Now that I've seen how much your life means to Hakkai you may as well just roll over and die." He put a hand out, the chi there began to build and build, getting bigger and bigger, brighter and brighter as the intensity increased, he smiled an evil smile, and whispered, "Say goodbye." Then he launched the attack.

Hakkai was up in an instant, he knew Gojyo would never be able to withstand a blast of that intensity, he wasn't even sure that _he_ could, but he knew he at least had a better chance, and he wasn't going to let his friend die for him, he wasn't going to allow it. He remembered that night in the rain, it had been so cold, the pain in his body had been nothing compared to the pain in his heart, Gojyo hadn't healed that, of course, he hadn't made it all go away, but he had changed everything. His coarse behavior, his crude language and filthy habits, they were all somehow endearing. The hybrid had become something he would miss if he were ever gone, someone Hakkai felt sure he couldn't live without.

He ran for all he was worth.

"_Jack of all trades and master of none…"_

It was slow motion now, Hakkai didn't have to think about the movements at all.

_"…Just like me…"_

All he could think about was Gojyo and how unfair it would be, how awful it would be, to see him lying dead at his feet, and how much he really didn't want that. How much he would give just to avoid seeing someone else he loved as a bloodied corpse.

Gojyo shouldn't have to pay for his mistakes…

At the last second before he leapt between Gojyo and the oncoming chi blast, Hakkai ripped the cuffs off his left ear, felt a surge of strength just before the blast hit him, he spread his arms as wide as he could, the voices of Sanzo and Goku became distant as the chi struck, began to tear into him, cutting his flesh and eating away at his skin, his clothes ripped, he felt his hair burning, his heart hammered wildly, the pain was excruciating, it lanced all through him, up and down through his torso and out through his arms and legs, his voice was hoarse as he screamed, he could smell his own flesh burning, and then, slowly, the pain died away with the light, then everything died away: sight and sound and scents and sensations, all of them became as nothing.

Hakkai's smoking corpse fell to the ground at Gojyo's feet; the kappa stared down like he couldn't believe what had just happened. Sanzo as well was staring, not believing, not wanting to believe. His own voice reacted against his own intentions, "Hakkai!" then he sprinted towards his fallen friend, Goku beat him there, dropped to his knees and shook the young man. He was totally bathed in blood, his clothes torn almost all the way off, blood bursting from so many places Sanzo couldn't even tell what was a wound and what wasn't, his hair was singed as were his clothes, his long youkai ears were mutilated. He gaped at the sky, dead.

"Hakkai!" Goku shouted, "Hakkai, c'mon, wake up! Please!"

"He's dead…"

Sanzo spun around to face Ikku, not sure what kept him from attacking the youkai again. The only thing he knew now was that it would be a total waste of time, that this was over now, and that no matter how much Sanzo wanted it to, killing Ikku would do no good.

For a long time the tall, black-haired youkai stared at them, his ice-blue eyes wide and startled, his face contorted into some level of shock, "He's dead…"

Goku jumped up suddenly, screaming his rage, nyoi-bo in hand, dove at Ikku, face alive with the fury Sanzo was feeling, and for a moment it was a relief to see it, it was relieving to have his own anger and frustration embodied in something. The boy swung his weapon, a blow so strong it would certainly crush the youkai's skull on impact. Ikku stared and gritted his teeth. There was a loud popping noise, like a firecracker going off, a puff of smoke and purple fire, then Ikku was gone and the three of them were left alone with the dead body of their friend.

"Crap!" Goku landed roughly and looked around, "Come back here! I'm not done with ya'!"

"He's gone, Goku," Sanzo said quietly. The wind whispered through the trees, stirring his hair, the last traces of youkai energy around him faded, and then he was sure that he was right. It was only them now, with the burden their dead friend's remains.

"Hakkai," Gojyo gasped, Sanzo thought he saw tears running down the kappa's face as he collapsed beside his friend, but he couldn't sneer, he couldn't think less of him, not now, not when he was so close to tears himself, "God damn it, Hakkai…you weren't supposed to…you weren't supposed to do that…you weren't…I didn't…" Gojyo lowered his head, shoulders shaking, blood dripping onto Hakkai's pale skin.

Jeep came drifting down from the sky, chirping softly, landed by his master's dead body, sniffed at it, then curled up there, resting his small, serpentine head on Hakkai's, closed his tiny eyes.

"He's gone." Goku said quietly, turning back to the body, "I can't believe Hakkai is gone." He had tears on his face now too and was clearly struggling with sobs.

Gojyo's hands clutched at fistfuls of dirt and he screamed, "No!"

"Don't freak out now," Sanzo said. He felt so cold, he felt so empty, "It's your fault…he did it for you…"

"Don't tell me that! Goddammit Sanzo! Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I know? You don't have to tell me!" The kappa jumped up, "I saw what he did, I saw what he did back there…why dammit, why? Why wouldn't I know? Why would I need _you_ to tell me? You stupid, unholy piece of shit!" He swung a fist, but Sanzo had no hard time stopping it and looking at him solemnly.

"Don't push yourself, stupid, or you'll be dead too."

Gojyo stepped back, holding his head and swaying a little, the tears dripped off his chin as he stared down at the body again, "Dammit, I just…can't believe…he would…it's not…fair…God…Hakkai…I'm begging you." his knees buckled again, from strain or grief Sanzo wasn't sure, and then the hybrid fell down on the spot, landing roughly against Hakkai's body. He didn't move after that.

"What now Sanzo?" Goku asked quietly, wiping his face.

The Priest looked down at the two fallen youkai at his feet and sighed, felt a little guilty in saying, "We have to keep going west." He knew what an asshole he sounded like.

Goku turned his big golden eyes on Sanzo, shocked, unbelieving, "But what about Hakkai?"

"He's dead."

"Yeah, but…Ikku got away. Shouldn't we go after him?"

"What's the point?"

"He killed one of our friends! We owe it to Hakkai to-"

"Goku if we don't keep moving, if we don't stop the revival-"

Goku was at him immediately, "All ya' care about is this stupid mission! Ya' don't care about Hakkai or Gojyo or even me! Ya' just wanna' get it all over with!"

Sanzo scoffed, but his voice was quiet, "I don't _have_ to care, what would be the point? Look at them." He gestured to Gojyo and Hakkai, "They cared too much, and look what happened to them. Hakkai's dead, and who knows if Gojyo will ever be the same after this, is that what you want me to be like? A sentimental idiot who trips and falls and dies all over his friends? I won't do it Goku!" Sanzo suddenly felt hysterical, thinking about Koumyou, his master and even Goku himself, if Goku were dead, if something happened to _him…_ "I won't be an idiot! I won't die for other people and I won't let them die over me! I can't get attached, I don't want to!"

Goku just studied him with his golden eyes, like he could hear the lie in Sanzo's voice, "So'm _I _an idiot, Sanzo? I'd do for you what Hakkai did for Gojyo, am _I _an idiot too?"

"Of course you are, monkey, that's never been debatable."

"Sanzo-"

"Don't you understand, Goku? Hakkai's dead! We've wasted enough time with this, and we don't have any more to waste! We're not going to jeopardize this mission just because Hakkai was an idiot!"

"Are ya' sayin' Hakkai shoulda' let Gojyo bite it? Sanzo I don't believe ya' really think that!"

"That's exactly what he should have done. Just look at this waste of life kappa, Hakkai's worth twenty of him, now there is no Hakkai, but we're still stuck with…" Sanzo trailed off and thought back to what Hakkai had told him earlier, the words seemed so ill omened now, he wondered why he hadn't seen all of this coming.

"…_his heritage may make him invariably worthless to most of this world…I think that I would die for him."_

_"Well, maybe some day you will._

"Sanzo? What is it?"

With a sigh of resignation, Sanzo bent over and grabbed Gojyo under the chest, lifting him up off the ground, away from his dead friend, the tears and the blood still hanging off his chin, "Maybe some day, when we're going back east, we can find all the people involved and kill them, but for now…for Hakkai's sake…all we can do is try to protect ourselves…"

Gojyo woke up feeling like shit. His body was aching with a sharp, fiery burn, as if someone had driven thousands of needles into his bones, it lanced up through his spine, out his limbs, white hot, torturous in every sense of the word, his lungs were on fire as he drew each slow, shallow, ragged breath. He opened his eyes, barely, slightly, stared up at the filthy ceiling, recognized that he was back at the inn, in that same room he'd woke up to a nightmare in…so long ago. It could have all been a dream, it could have been one huge nightmare, except for the agony his body was experiencing. He tilted his head, slowly, the ache jolting through his neck, half-expected Hakkai to come in, smiling that smile, talking about how many days Gojyo had been unconscious like he always did. But he didn't come.

The hybrid didn't know how long he lay there, silent, listening to his own heartbeat, waiting to hear the sound of familiar footsteps or any sign of his closest friend, but it must have been hours. The minutes stretched and wore thin, and he lay utterly still, eyes constantly fixed on the door, praying to every God he knew that somehow nothing that had happened was real. But in his heart, deep in the bottom of his soul, he knew that Hakkai was dead, that there was nothing he could do to bring him back, and that he'd never see him again.

Why was that? All over him? It couldn't be real, it wasn't right. After lives like theirs they didn't deserve a break like this. What a tremendous blow it was to lose Hakkai: he'd always been there, even after everyone else had ditched. His mother had hated him, and in spite of his constant attempts to make her love him she had died trying to kill him. Jien had abandoned him, just when he needed his reliability and strength the most, Banri had tucked tail and ran, never dreaming of returning, Hakkai was the only one, the last person, who had hung around, who hadn't asked questions and hadn't demanded anything, ever. He was simply there, whenever Gojyo needed him, whenever he was feeling the pangs of his past, he'd come to mean so much to the hybrid without him even realizing it.

The gods must have been cruel to take such an important person out of his life so sadistically.

He felt the tears threatening to fall again, but he shoved them away, angrily, sick of it all, tired of the pain and the hurt and the loss. If only there were some way…

_If only there was something I could do so that this pain would go away…forever._ He could think of little short of killing himself.

That would work. He could do that. Take Sanzo's gun when he wasn't looking and put a bullet through his head…or quietly slash his wrists, one final act of defiance towards a brutal world, one final way to show that he just didn't give a damn.

Slowly, shaking with pain, Gojyo slid out from between the sheets, rubbing his head and staggering across the room to the bathroom. The razor he used for shaving was there. Getting Sanzo's gun would take too long, this pain had to end now. He picked up the razor, holding it as careful as a glass figurine; its silver blade sparkled in the artificial light. The pain was making his head spin, wrenching his guts so that he felt sick.

It was sharp enough. It could cut deep enough. After all, what was left to live for? Jien was gone, Mom was dead, and now, even Hakkai, was lost forever.

_Mom shoulda' killed me…that woulda' ended all of this…if I were dead Hakkai would still be alive._ He set the razor against the soft flesh of his wrist, it tickled the touch was so faint, but a small application of pressure, a quick jerking movement, and then he could follow Mom _and_ Hakkai into the dark.

_No he wouldn't…you saved his life. If Mom had killed you he woulda' died there on that path, in the rain…_

_But he's dead_ now_, that's all that matters._

_What matters is you did everything you could…_

"He's still _dead_ dammit!"

_All the tryin' in the world can never change that…_

_How would he feel…what would he think if he saw you like this? He'd never put up with it…he'd never…_

_He's not coming back! It doesn't matter! He's not coming back!_

"He's never coming back!" Gojyo dropped the razor as and swung his fist as hard as he could, it hit the mirror and a thick, black crack spread from the center to the edges, distorting the figure he saw there. His knuckles started to bleed and he turned, angrily, to make his way back toward the bed. The effort of the pitch made him stumble and fall to his knees, still breathing fiercely, still fighting to keep the tears away.

_Wait…wait…no dammit, Gojyo, you've gotta' stop thinking like that, there's got to be a way, there has to be._

_There has to be a way to bring him back!_

"Gojyo?" The door burst open and Goku was standing there, staring, his golden eyes full of worry, "Are ya' alright? What happened?"

"I-I'm fine…" he husked.

"How'd ya' get on the floor? Sanzo! Gojyo fell outa' the bed!"

"Dammit monkey, shut your trap." Gojyo muttered, forcing himself to stand. It was all so clear now. Why hadn't it hit him earlier?

His wounds were on fire and he swayed a little, almost falling again but Goku steadied him, "Maybe ya' should just go back to-"

"No time." Gojyo shook his head. He was suddenly frantic, alive with movement, began to collect his clothes from where they'd been strewn, forcing himself into his pants, then his boots, pulling his tattered, bloody shirt on over his head. "How long have I been out?"

"You're puttin' _that_ back on?"

"There's not enough time, quick Goku, you've gotta' tell me! How long have I been asleep?" He grabbed the boy by the shoulders and shook him harshly.

"I dunno, a couple hours."

"So Hakkai hasn't been dead that long?"

"No…I guess not," Goku looked down, an impenetrable sadness in his features, "he's really gone, huh? Jeep is gone too, we can't find 'im; I guess he couldn't handle it. Gojyo, how're we gonna' keep goin' without 'im?"

"You'll have to walk I guess."

Gojyo looked around for his jacket a moment, when he didn't see it he suddenly remembered Hakkai had been wearing it when…

It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. He just had to go as quickly as he could.

"Not Jeep. I meant Hakkai. I can't believe Hakkai is gone…"

Gojyo stopped and studied the monkey with interest; his plans were working themselves out so frantically that he hadn't really considered his remaining teammates. Sanzo was probably being a cold-hearted bitch somewhere, but Goku…Hakkai had always been so good to Goku. The hybrid hesitated and ruffled the boy's hair, "If we move fast enough he won't be gone for long."

Goku stared at him with his blank, golden eyes, "Huh? Whadya'-"

"Where the hell do you plan to go?" Sanzo demanded, coming into the room, his eyes looked somber, the words that should have been full of rage were not. There was something else.

"To get Hakkai back." Gojyo barely looked at him, grabbed his travel bag and began stuffing things into it, anything he could get his hands on: his clothes, Hakkai's clothes, everything, anything that might be useful or have value.

Obviously Sanzo couldn't grasp what he meant, he couldn't even seem to move, Gojyo felt his eyes on him for a long time before the priest finally demanded, "_What?_ Gojyo, you're cracked: Hakkai is _dead._ Can't your filthy kappa mind wrap around that? There's no getting dead people back!"

"He's right, Gojyo. Even I know that."

Irritated Gojyo faced them. "No, you're wrong. Hakkai _can_ come back if we move quick enough: we all know of someone who can bring people back, but we've got to get going before Hakkai's corpse starts to rot away and there's no point!"

There was a thick silence, then, "No, absolutely not! You are not going to that _nutjob_ just so he can put some random youkai soul back into Hakkai!"

"There's no other choice!"

"Yes there _is_ dammit, think clearly! Hakkai is dead, let him be dead for God's sake! You've got to let go of the past, kappa!"

Seized by a flame of youkai rage, Gojyo grabbed Sanzo by the shirt and shoved him back against the wall, it took all the strength he had and he couldn't believe how weak the battle had left him, "That's easy for you to say you filthy priest, but he was _my_ goddamn _best _friend, and he died because of me! So I'm going to do whatever I have to to get him back!"

Sanzo pushed him away, "You're in no condition to go anywhere, besides we've all agreed that what Hazel does is questionable, why run to him? If you want to do your friend a favor let him rest in peace."

"Let's just try it, you don't know that's it's necessarily wrong or bad or whatever the hell your problem with it is."

"My problem is that it's not natural—you thought it was sick too, but when it's someone _you_ care about it's all right?"

Gojyo was silent a while, his fists trembled with a mix of rage and weakness, he said softly, "You know what it's like, you understand how it feels to lose someone you care about, and how it makes you feel when you know they died protecting you."

Sanzo's features faltered a little, his eyes turned hard and his mouth frowned but he said nothing.

"That's why I'm begging you Sanzo, just once, let's do something that has nothing to do with our mission, let's do something for a friend. What if…" Gojyo took a deep breath, knowing what thin ice he was treading on, "What if you could get your master back…wouldn't you jump at the chance? All I want is to save a friend who gave up everything to save me. I don't think I'm insane for that, do you?"

The priest was silent, his arms looked tight like he was ready to strike, but for once, to his credit, he didn't. The pair stared at each other a long time, glaring into one another's eyes, daring each other to say something, Sanzo's voice was quiet, "We can't wait for you, Gojyo, do whatever the hell you think you've got to do-you'll just be less baggage for me-but Goku and I are leaving tomorrow morning, going west, as planned, and if you can't catch up to us you're on your own."

"Sanzo!" the monkey protested, "What if Gojyo's right? What if Hazel really can-"

"Gojyo is _never_ right." His intense gaze was still settled on the kappa and Gojyo felt extremely helpless under that baleful look. "The people in the village are going to bury Hakkai soon, if you want to save him you'll have to hurry. In a few days he'll be six feet under." Sanzo turned to leave the room.

"I'm right _this time _Sanzo." Gojyo called after him. "I'm right, and you know it!"


	6. Part Two

Part Two

Part Two

_A dusty record spins_

_An old song plays again_

_The needle dragging across it's skin_

_Ink spills from my pen_

_The paper soaks it in_

_The music bringing tremors to my head_

_I can't just give you up_

_To chance on a dragonfly's wing_

_You left me standing alone_

_Hoping it brings you back to me._

_Chorus_

_We are not poets_

_We have no right to make amendments_

_This story's over_

_This chapter's ending_

_I don't know how it ends but I really don't like_

_How it begins._

- _Kids in the Way - Fiction_

Soo-Lin tossed some dry wood chips onto the fire and it roared back to life, filling the little hut with warmth, then the bent-backed old woman made her way to the table, steadying herself on her cane, sat down heavily in here wooden chair. Fujin, her shape-shifting cat leapt up onto the old woman's lap and settled down for a bath. Soo-Lin looked out the window at the rising sun, her old youkai ears were hackling, her nearly blind eyes could detect very little and her sense of smell was beginning to die as well, but she had ages of life behind her and vast amounts of knowledge, her ears were in top condition, and she could sense a disturbance in her surroundings. For the last few days she had been picking up on a significant amount of youkai energy, both benign and evil, now it felt like the days were hovering. Much of the strange energy had vanished, but one good soul still lingered in her mind. There seemed to be a voice, someone, a child, crying for help. Soo-Lin could barely stand the cries anymore.

She looked at the simple, tin dish that was sitting in the center of the table, reached over with withered hands and poured ordinary water from a glass pitcher. Then she reached into the folds of her dress and brought out a pouch of assorted herbs, sprinkled them into the water while mumbling ancient Chinese magic: "Wizards bone and dragon's tale, show me the soul that clings so frail, light of the living, and fire of the dead, show me the one whose life hangs by this thread."

For a moment there was silence, then a puff of green smoke and fire exploded from the dish blowing the witch's hair back and disturbing Fujin. The cat got up irritably and jumped up on the back of the chair to watch from a safer distance.

The water became still again, looking like a regular dish for the cat to drink out of, but Fujin could smell the magic and he quickly shifted his appearance, becoming a small owl that fluttered away to roost in the rafters of the hut, watching with wide eyes.

A shape rippled in the water, Soo-Lin watched with growing intensity, her mouth muttering words too soft to be caught by human ears. She saw a young man, a youkai, with lovely, flowing brown hair that was so dark it almost looked black, and eyes the same deep green of the forest. His body was covered with birthmarks in the shape of vines, but it was bleeding and looked broken, his eyes were closed and his chest did not stir with breath but she could hear the very faint beating of his heart, a heart so strong and so gentle it almost seemed human. He was lying in the woods on his back, the emerging sunlight was pouring down onto his handsome face.

The witch snorted with interest. It was strange to find a youkai in this condition, especially when they'd been the dominant species lately, and one with such a strangely human heart…it seemed unreal that a youkai of the forest would be in these circumstances, perhaps this young man was different. She absorbed the features of his face: it was young and handsome, god-like, with a straight nose and strong jaw. She could sense his broken heart and that this fate had befallen him only because he was concerned with the well-fare of someone he cared for.

The image vanished but Soo-Lin was left with much to ponder. After a moment she rose, wobbling on her aged legs and clutching the wooden cane, "Fujin," she said, "come, let us find this young man."

Obediently the owl flew down and landed on the floor, became a small, nine-tailed fox that observed the witch with sly, glittering eyes before he ran out into the woods, nose to the ground as he searched for the scent of blood.

He didn't know where he was or who he was, he could not see the blue of the sky or the warmth of the sun, his body didn't seem to be his own. Around him were ghosts, spirits that sought revenge or forgiveness, some of them he did not know and some of them he was somehow sure he had slain himself. The darkness was endless, it stretched forward and forward into forever. There was a woman nearby, smiling at him and beckoning for him to approach, her long, light-brown hair tumbled to her waist and her solid, green eyes were captivating. He barely noticed the centipede that was crawling up her arm, he only knew that he wanted to run to her and be with her forever, and that his body wouldn't move.

_Kanan_. It seemed to be the only word his mind would dwell on, it sang it to him over and over like a flowing river that wanted nothing more than to swallow him up. _Kanan…Kanan…Kanan…_

There was a hand on the back of his head now but when he turned no one was there, he was alone with that woman he couldn't reach. He felt the same invisible hand reach out and touch his shoulder. The woman said, "It's time to go home now, my love…we still can't be together…not yet.

He tried to protest but his tongue was thick and his mouth was dry.

The hand he couldn't see seized his wrist fiercely and began to drag him back, away from the woman, although against his will he was unable to resist, and soon he had left the woman far behind and the darkness was receding, he could only follow the one who summoned him, helpless as a child, like a man who was blind and deaf and mute, he could not make his own decisions.

Hakkai opened his eyes and had no idea where he was or even what his own name was, only that he was staring into the face of a very aged woman. Her eyes were almost completely white with cataracts; her hair was long and whispy and gray, her face saggy and wrinkled. A small, black cat was sitting on her shoulder watching Hakkai with interest. The youkai looked around. He was in a tiny hut with only a few windows and four bare walls, there was a fire roaring in the fireplace, a kettle hung over it, whistling and boiling, the hut had little in the way of furniture, aside from a table with two chairs and the bed he found himself laying on. He cast his eyes down at his body, trying to remember where all of that pain had come from. His chest and limbs were tied with bandages but he could still the bright blood soaking through. That familiar, overt, crimson that he hated so much.

_Kanan._ It was beginning to come back to him…those filthy youkai had taken Kanan, those disgusting bastards had raped her and Heaven knew what else, he'd killed them all. He looked at his hands, saw the long, sharp claws and remembered that he was a youkai too now. He sat up slowly.

The old woman put a gnarled hand on his shoulder, "Easy my child, the blood inside you is hardened from neglect and your muscles are touched with death."

"Wh-where am I? How long have I…" _How long has it been since Kanan…?_

She waited patiently for him to finish, but when he didn't said with a crinkled smile, "You are in the humble home of the Mage, Soo-Lin."

"A mage?"

Soo-Lin bowed humbly, "I am at your service, sir…"

"Uh…" _Gonou is dead…only I remain…but I don't know who I am or even where I've been…_ "Yunxu. Just Yunxu, thank-you…did you save me?"

"I found you lying in the woods, not even alive anymore, but with the blood of a tanuki's heart I restored you."

"Oh…thank-you very much." He wondered if he should be grateful. Kanan had just died, hadn't she? And yet Hakkai didn't feel so bothered by her death. It felt as if something else was wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. Something was lost but he wasn't sure what or where to start looking for it.

"Well, Yunxu, why don't you tell this old woman how one as pretty and as strong as you came to be so dead."

He marked her smile and thought a long hard moment. There was Kanan and the centipede demon, there was blood and darkness, but beyond that there was nothing. "I, uh, don't really know, I'm afraid."

She nodded gravely, "That often happens to ones who are touched by the hand of Shinigami, our memories and old loves die with the life we lost and a new life begins."

"A new life?"

"Your heart though, Yunxu, tells it's own story. It tells me that you have lost something very important, that you are desperately worried about someone." She tilted her head, "Who could that be?"

_Kanan?_ "Well…I have recently lost someone…"

"A friend?"

"More of a lover."

Soo-Lin looked confused, "How odd. The aura I sense doesn't suggest you're worried for your lover, but someone else."

"I'm afraid I can't recall anyone." Hakkai rubbed his head. "There's only death."

"Well child, come and sit here by my fire, I'll fix you a meal and we'll gaze into the Water of Sight together, perhaps then we'll sort out your strange path." Soo-Lin took up her stick and hobbled across the room to where the fire was, began to set about with preparing a meal. "You should be strong enough to rise. Your wounds were very serious but I have a healing power that fixed most of them."

"Thank-you." He murmured, supporting himself on his elbows. His body did feel a little weak, but the pain was a distant throb. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and managed to stand, looking around the hut and shivering with cold, realized for the first time that he was half naked.

"Your clothes are on the back of that chair, I managed to get the blood out of them and mended their wear, but they should be dry now and ready to be put on."

Hakkai looked down at the clothes, the green tunic with the white pants and boots, the long-sleeved black shirt, and a brown, leather jacket… he didn't recall owning any of the clothes, least of all the jacket. It wasn't something that suited him or that he would ever wear. "This jacket, was I wearing it when you found me?"

"Yes."

"How odd."

Soo-Lin turned to look at him, large wooden spoon in hand, "Is something wrong, Yunxu?"

"No…everything is fine, thank-you." Hakkai began to get dressed, uneasy with the eyes of the cat on him. The little animal seemed to have something strange about it, but he couldn't put his finger on what it was. As an after thought he slipped the jacket on. It had a strong smell about it, like cigarette smoke, alcohol, and some hint of cologne that was unfamiliar to him. It certainly wasn't his own scent.

He surveyed the hut again, noticing the pan of water in the center of the table and the herbs nearby. He wondered what they were for but was too confused to actually ask. He waited in silence.

Before long, Soo-Lin set a plate in front of him and then a glass of steaming, hot tea, "This will tend to your headache, my child, and this," she scooped a red-brown mixture out of a pot and dumped it onto the plate, "will help you to regain your strength and courage."

Hakkai wasn't sure about the food so he sipped the tea and said a polite thank-you as she served herself and sat down across from him. She studied him with her nearly blinded eyes, "Eat, child, you need to recover your physical power if you intend to survive."

"Oh, of course, forgive me, I-" he took a cautious spoonful of the concoction and put it in his mouth, chewing carefully. It had no scent but its taste was overpowering and musky, like alcohol, it burned his throat on the way down and he coughed.

She laughed, "Do you like it that much?"

"Um, it's very unusual."

"That it is," Soo-Lin's old eyes glittered, "it's heart of the mountain fire dragons, ancient beasts that have been long-thought dead. Their blood burns the flesh but when cooked with herbs of the high plateau it is a powerful cure for almost anything. I eat it myself to remain alive. Eat as much as you can, child, I realize it is potent and would erode the stomach of even the strongest of humans."

"Humans…" Hakkai thought longingly of his old life with Kanan, "are there any around here?"

"There's a small village of them several miles from here through the woods, no youkai; they distrust us so much now that so many good youkai have lost their sanity. I don't imagine they can even guess that there are still youkai like you and I left in this world."

Hakkai didn't answer. He was too confused by the intricate web being woven around him.

"Speaking of humans," Soo-Lin continued hastily devouring her food, "You're heart is surprisingly human for a youkai, I can sense your human nature, why might that be?"

With a shrug, Hakkai looked away, not wanting to admit the truth to her, that he had once been human and lost that humanity while trying to save his now dead lover.

"Don't remember the answer to that either, do you? Your past certainly is cloudy and empty, Yunxu, perhaps now is the time to look into the Water of Sight to see if we may uncover the past that eludes you." She set down her spoon and grabbed a fistful of the herbs that were lying nearby. The cat on her shoulder growled and jumped away to settle on the bed.

Soo-Lin sprinkled the herbs into the pan of water and looked at him seriously, "The Water of Sight will show you anything in the world, including the thoughts and dreams of others, but to find what you're looking for I will need a sample of your blood."

"My blood."

Without speaking, the old woman set a dagger onto the table.

Hakkai looked at it. He was afraid of the pain, even a little afraid of what might be seen in this Water of Sight, but he did long to understand the past he could not remember, the undetermined amount of time that formed a gap between his transformation into a youkai and now. He picked up the dagger with a trembling hand and cut himself across the palm, allowed a few crimson drops to fall into the water.

_That color…why can't I get it out of my head?_

"Now, Yunxu, gaze with me into the water."

With an explosion of fire the water began to ripple, it churned and churned like a tidal pool and swirled until there was a small maelstrom in the center. Then it began to calm.

Hakkai looked in cautiously. At first there was nothing but he waited patiently and a figure began to take shape until it was clearly the body of a man: he looked young and strong and intelligent, his hair was a bright red, as bright as the blood Hakkai had dropped into the water, his face was scarred and there was a look of fear haunting his features, combined with determination and a sense of urgency.

"A human? But why?"

"Look closer Yunxu, this man is not what he appears."

Hakkai glanced at her, saw that she was studying the water with a grave look on her face and stared harder into the water, noticed this time that the man's eyes as well were deep red.

"A child of taboo." Hakkai murmured.

"Indeed, the man before us is not human, nor is he a youkai."

The young youkai looked up at her again, "Tell me, Mage, why is this man in the water?"

"You must tell me, Yunxu, it was your blood that called him here, why is he in your heart and mind?"

"I don't know."

"Is he not someone you recognize? Someone from your past perhaps? A friend…or an enemy?"

Hakkai shook his head and looked down at the man again. Something wasn't right. That face was so familiar… A shiver stole up his spine, "I've never seen that man before in my life."

Gojyo reached over his head and groped for a handhold, dug in with his fingers until his fingernails were splitting and hauled himself up. He cussed under his breath as a tremor of pain jolted through his body; it had been over a day since he'd left Sanzo and Goku, and all of his worries were starting to creep into his mind.

First of all, he wasn't sure his body would hold out until he actually found Hazel, and even if it did, he worried that Hakkai's body would be so decomposed that it would be no good to try to save him. He was angry that his weakness was going to contribute to the failure of this very important and personal mission.

Despite the current problems Hazel had been easy to track down, the ever-flowing rumors about him were east to follow, and there was always someone, a knowledgeable traveler or a grateful villager, who could tell him where the westerner had gone. Now, as he scaled the cliff, Gojyo could sense that Hazel's spirit was nearby, getting stronger and stronger as he got closer. He had reason to believe that Hazel was at the top of the cliff, the only reason he'd stopped to scale it, and if he wasted the time it would take to go around it he knew he'd miss him.

He could see the top now, the beginning of a grove of trees and several jutting boulders. The weakness trembling in his arms was overpowering, but he forced himself to go on, in spite of the weakness, or maybe, by now, because of it.

There were voices at the top, murmuring about God only knew what. Gojyo grabbed the top of the cliff and, with what felt like his last effort, dragged himself up. For several moments he lay sprawled out on the grass, catching his breath and listening.

Hazel's soft, drawling voice was breaking the early morning silence over the sizzle of a frying pan, "Careful now, Gat, mind the bacon. I've got us some coffee here, if you'd like. Even if ya' don't got to eat, everyone can use some coffee now and again."

Gat's stoic reply was lost from audibility.

_At least I found the fruitcake…_Gojyo thought, trying to block out his natural aversion for Hazel. With a groan he got to his feet, staggered forward in the clear morning. He could see the thin form of Hazel before him, his tall hat sitting on the ground beside him, he was bent over a small fire, his blonde hair shimmered in the dawn light. His enormous companion was sitting across from him, staring broodingly into the fire.

"Perhaps by dark we'll've found us an inn to spend the night in."

Gojyo took a misstep and cracked a fallen twig causing Gat to look up and stare, not saying anything.

"Gat? What is it? D'ya' sense something?"

The weakness was stronger than ever, filling him with emptiness as he strained to go forward, croaking, "Hazel…"

Quickly the westerner stood up and turned around, his face showed that he was expecting to see an enemy, then stopped and smiled, "Well, mister Red, I am mighty surprised to see ya' sir. Ya' shouldn't go sneaking up on people like that, it's a bit inhospita-"

Gojyo didn't even have time to be annoyed, his vision was going black, his body was too tired after walking all day and night without food or even rest. He collapsed.

The redhead was only out for a few minutes; when he came to he was lying on his back, looking up with Hazel and Gat hovering over him, the young blonde looked vaguely concerned but Gat's expression hadn't changed.

"Are ya' all right, Mister Red? Ya' took quite a spill."

"I'm fine." Gojyo muttered, struggling to sit up, "Just tired."

"Maybe ya' should eat some breakfast."

"No time."

Hazel shoved a tin mug at him, "Drink a little water."

Not protesting, Gojyo accepted the mug and drank deeply of the water, noticed it tasted mildly metallic.

"Those're some serious wounds ya've got there, sir, it's no wonder ya' collapsed after climbin' that cliff. Sure you're all right?"

"Yeah," Gojyo pushed some hair behind his ear, "I'll be okay."

"Well, in that case, if ya' don't mind my I askin', where in the world is Mister Sanzo, and Mister Goku, and the other man, the gentleman with the spectacles?"

"Hakkai…" Gojyo corrected softly. He was too tired and too emotionally strained to be annoyed with Hazel, he just didn't have the energy or the will for it.

"Why ain't ya' with 'em?" He smiled brightly, "Perhaps ya'll got lost from each other?"

"As if we'd be so stupid. I left them—looking for you."

"Me?" Hazel looked confused for a moment before he brightened up again, "Awe, Mister Red, ya' came lookin' for little ol' me? What ever for?"

"It's nothing like that. I have a question for you." The hybrid stood up, still not feeling quite strong enough to stand, but he couldn't bear to appear weak in front of these strangers any longer, "You can bring humans back to life using the souls of youkai that you've killed."

"I don't have t' answer that, do I? Ya've seen for yourself."

Gojyo just nodded, "Then…is it possible…if you wanted to…could you bring back another youkai?"

Hazel frowned vaguely, "I think your friend, Mr. Sanzo, asked the same thing. I didn't understand then and I don't understand now—I'll be frank with ya'. I'm out to kill youkai, what would I want to revive 'em for?"Gojyo took a deep breath: he had been expecting that answer, but he was determined to work his way around it, "Look, I get why you feel that way, but what if there were a youkai that deserved to be revived?"

Hazel narrowed his eyes, "A beast that was actually worth revivin'? I'm listenin'."

"Youkai weren't so different from humans before all this crap with the minus wave happened, so don't you think maybe there are still some good youkai left in the world?"

"Maybe," Hazel plucked a long piece of grass and placed it in his casual mouth, "but if there are, aint seen too many, though I'll admit, _your_ group ain't too terrible. What of it?"

"So you think it's possible that some youkai might be worth bringing back if they're good?"

Hazel fixed his blue eyes on the hybrid, "Why? Has somethin' happened? If it's about that Saiten Taisei, I'll tell ya', that's one youkai I _won't_ revive, regardless of anythin' else."

"It's not. It's Hakkai…" Gojyo was surprised by how hard it was to choke out that name, "Hakkai is dead."

"The gentleman with the spectacles?"

A brief nod.

"Hm. Mercy. How?"

"We got into a fight with another youkai," Gojyo said simply. He didn't want to admit to this foreigner that his friend had died protecting him.

"I see." Hazel began to pace a little, "That's mighty unfortunate; so now you want me to bring 'im back?"

Gojyo lowered his eyes slightly, used a word that rarely slipped through his lips to a stranger, "Please."

Hazel studied him again, "Well, I don't rightly know. Not really that I _can't_, more that I don't know if I _should._"

"If you _should_?" Gojyo looked up suddenly, "Why the hell _shouldn't_ you?"

"Honestly, he _was_ a youkai, good one or not, he coulda' still gone berserk at some point, an like I said, my goals haven't changed. I'm not particularly sorry if one of you monsters is gone."

"You bastard!" Gojyo grabbed Hazel by the shirt roughly, "Hakkai was no normal youkai! He wasn't a monster, he was a great man!"

"I s'pose a friend _would_ think that."

"He _died_ fighting some psycho! He didn't deserve it!"

"I notice Mister Sanzo ain't here ta back ya' up; any reason for that?"

"If he _were_ here would it make any difference?"

"Perhaps."

"I'm here because that no good holy man didn't want to bother, he didn't even care enough to avenge the death of a friend, let alone break away from his precious journey west to get that friend back!"

"Sure that was the reason? I suspect Mister Sanzo knows 'bout how filthy ya' youkai really are, maybe he's got the sense to let the beast lie."

Gojyo was enraged by the words, enraged that the only man who could help him was not only refusing to, but was saying so many horrible things about Hakkai. He lifted a fist, "You dick, I'll-"

A giant hand caught him around the wrist, stopping his attack. Gojyo glared back at Gat, "Leme' go!"

"Don't push yourself, Mister," Hazel wrenched free and squared the hat on his head, watching Gojyo struggle to no avail, "You're clearly not in the condition for a fight with us or anybody else."

"Bastard!" Gojyo spat, straining to free himself. Maybe he should just take the pendant himself and revive Hakkai on his own.

"Sorry sir, it's just not in me. Gat, let's be on our way."

Gat released the hybrid and Gojyo fell to the ground with a moan, looked up at Hazel through his veil of red hair as the westerner turned away, Gat behind him. It would be easy to kill the man with his shakujou and take the pendant, if only the giant weren't there. He'd have to resort to a different tactic, as much as he abhorred the thought of begging, it might be the only way to save Hakkai.

He fisted both hands in the grass, "Please, you've got to help me, you don't understand!"

Hazel hesitated, "Why should I help you? It was beasts like you and Hakkai that killed my master—my _father._"

"No one understands that better than Hakkai does," Gojyo wiped his mouth, "he was human once, just like you, he gave up his humanity trying to save someone he loved, he's not like the rest of us, he doesn't want to kill people, he's spent the last four years of his life looking for peace!"

"And I s'pose you're just the good friend, tryin' to help him out. What're ya' really after, Mr. Gojyo?"

"I…" Gojyo stared down at his clenched fists, saw that both still had dried blood on them, "in that fight I got hurt really bad…" he felt his face burning, "Hakkai died trying to protect me."

"I see. That would certainly 'plain how desperate ya' are."

"I've got to get him back," Gojyo panted. He felt dizzy, probably from yelling, the climb up the cliff had broken one of his wounds open, "I owe it to him, even if I don't deserve to live _he_ does, I'll do anything; please just help me."

"I'm outta souls."

Gojyo sensed that it wasn't necessarily the truth, but more of a test to see how sincere the hybrid was. That made him angry. "That's a helluva lame excuse, asshole, and you know it! You're bound to run into a youkai on the way, even if you really are out of souls!"

"Maybe, but maybe not; these're mighty peaceful parts, what if we get to where Mister Hakkai is an' we've still got no souls? Ya' can't expect me to kill just anybody t' save your friend."

Slowly, Gojyo stood, "If we get to where Hakkai is, and you still don't have any souls, I'll give you mine."

Hazel was very quiet; he studied Gojyo for a long time, half in amazement and half in uncertainty. When he spoke his voice was soft, "Ya'd _really_ do that for your friend? Ya'd _really_ die to bring him back?"

Gojyo pondered the idea himself. He didn't have very much to live for, he was a burden on Hakkai and the others, he was a scar on the face of humanity, he was nothing to anyone, but Hakkai was needed. "Gladly."

"Well, well, wha'dya know, Gat? These two youkai are willin' to die for each other. I find that mighty interestin', but I must admit, it is plum surprising. You're sure ya' won't be changin' your mind?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Definitely. Hm." Hazel closed his eyes like he was thinking, "How long ago did ya' say this friend of yours died?"

"A day and a half."

"He'll be startin' to rot soon, if he hasn't already," he rubbed his chin. "I see. Well then Mister Gojyo, we'll follow you back in that direction and when we get there we'll see what happens, but we've got to hurry or else the body will be too decomposed to save. We're young men, I'm sure we'll make it just fine. But you've got to do me a favor: if we _do_ meet any youkai, I'm expecting ya' to help us out with 'em."

"I will," Gojyo said faintly, starting to walk forward.

Hazel snorted his approval, "And it wouldn't hurt ya' none to say thank-you."

"Thank-you. Thank-you very much."

Chinese name, "cloudy emptiness"

a mischievous Japanese spirit that plays tricks on people, often portrayed in the form of a raccoon

the God of Death (Japanese)


	7. Humanity

Humanity

Humanity

Hakkai watched the bustling village through the trees. It was mid-day and activity was at its peak. The young youkai had stayed the night and morning with Soo-Lin, resting and gathering strength, and when he'd felt well enough to move on he had set out for the human village in search of answers.

He wasn't sure why he'd seen the child of taboo in the water but he sensed that he could only find his answers through the red-haired man, the village was as good a place as any to start looking.

The humans he saw were mostly all young and strong and probably delicious, but he didn't feel particularly hungry. Soo-Lin had mentioned a minus wave and how the youkai throughout Shangri-La had lost their control, but he felt normal, just as sane as anyone else. It would be easy to enter the village and obtain information if he was careful.

Nonchalantly he slipped the bronze bracelet over his wrist and felt his power being suppressed, a strange unsettling feeling. In a moment his claws were gone, he reached up to touch his ear, found it round and docile, rather like a human—small and vulnerable. With a sigh and a hope that he wouldn't need to stay this way for long, he stepped out onto the road, stopped a man with a firm hand but a gentle smile. Humans were fragile, they needed to be treated with some control, but they also needed assurance when confronted by a stranger, "Excuse me sir, my name is Cho Yunxu, and I'm looking for someone, a man, with crimson hair. I'm not sure of his name, but I had hoped he passed this way."

The man appeared annoyed, but he nodded his head, "Red was in the bar a few nights ago, causing a ruckus, don't know much about him except he was traveling with a priest and two other men: a kid and a man with a pet dragon."

"A priest?"

"A Sanzo I think."

"Forgive me for my imposition, but did you perchance hear where they were staying?"

"An inn on the eastern side of town, only inn there, sort of on the outskirts; travelers stop there a lot. I'm afraid that's all I can tell you."

Hakkai released him with a smile, "Thank-you very much sir," then he set out for the inn.

The inn was a tidy but low-budget little place, it was clean but didn't look to be in very good condition, but the man at the front desk was older and appeared friendly. He smiled when Hakkai approached, "How can I help you sir? Room for one?"

"No thank-you, I won't be staying the night, I'm looking for someone and I was told that he may have stayed here."

"Lotsa' people stay here sir, finest inn in town. What was the fella's name?"

"Unfortunately I was not able to obtain his name, but he was said to have been traveling with a priest, a Sanzo actually, a young man and another gentleman with a pet dragon."

The old man nodded knowingly, "I remember them—I wasn't here the day they checked in, my assistant was, of course I'd let you talk to her but she disappeared a few days ago."

"Disappeared?"

"Very mysteriously, didn't leave a trace. Now, I saw these young men when they checked out. Strangely enough, they were gone all the night before, came back around midnight and the red haired kid was injured-unconscious actually-they checked out the next morning."

"What kind of injuries did he have?"

"It was hard to tell, he was bleeding so bad, but it looked like a youkai attack."

"Did he survive?" Hakkai was a little afraid of the answer. If the redheaded man was dead the answers ended here.

"Far as I know." The innkeeper snorted, "'course, he could be dead now. He set out for the east the next morning and his companions kept going west."

Hakkai felt some relief. Maybe it wasn't too late. "Did you find out what his name was?"

"Uh…Gojyo? I think that's what the others were calling him. Sha Gojyo, according to the paperwork."

"Sha Gojyo…" that did sound strangely familiar, though he wasn't sure why, "what were the other names."

"Ah…" the man shuffled through paperwork, "Genjyo Sanzo, Cho Hakkai, Son Goku."

All of those names sounded vaguely familiar, especially Cho Hakkai, they shared the same sur-name, had they met somewhere? Were they related?

The innkeeper continued, almost like he had read the thoughts, "Another strange thing, their fourth man, Cho Hakkai, never came back. The priest took the kid west, Sha Gojyo went back east alone, never saw the man with the dragon again," he leaned over and whispered, "Don't tell anyone this, but I think he may be dead."

"What makes you think that, sir?"

"Losta' odd thing started happening around here the day those men arrived, starting with my assistant disappearing; besides that though, there's a rumor running around town: they say there was a big group of dead people found in the woods."

Hakkai felt an ominous feeling sink to his gut, "How odd."

"Not just humans either, youkai too, and no one's sure what happened there, but they all think the men who got out of town had something to do with it."

"What happened to Cho Hakkai's body?"

The innkeeper shrugged, "Probably wound up at the morgue, that'd be my guess. Hey mister, why all the interest in them? Know 'em from somewhere?"

"Ah, well, I'm not sure sir, their names sound familiar. Just curious I suppose. Cho is my sur-name too."

"Related?"

"Possibly."

"Cho Yunxu. Hmm."

"Hakkai…didn't mention me, did he?"

"I've never heard that name in my life."

"Well, I've got a brother…Gonou, and my sister, Kanan. She's dead."

"Cho Gonou…Cho Kanan…never heard of them."

"Oh well," Hakkai smiled, "thank-you sir, you've been quite helpful."

"Happy to oblige. Sure you won't rent a room?"

"Not today, it's important that I get on my way. Thanks again."

Hakkai stepped back out into the day and looked up at the sun as he walked quickly out of town and found a shady spot to remove Soo-Lin's limiter. It felt good to be back in natural form, now there was only the decision of what to do next.

The innkeeper had said Sha Gojyo had left a full day ago, if there was any chance he was alive he was probably a long ways away. One thing was certain, that man had all the answers, the priest and boy had not been in the water, as for Cho Hakkai, the man who shared his sur-name, there was no point in finding a dead body.

That settled it. He would go east. He began moving forward through the shadows and foliage, cautious to watch for anyone following him.

Up ahead on the road was a small group of travelers, they looked weary; easy prey. Hakkai was so frustrated and confused that it simply didn't matter then. He stepped out of the trees and ran forward to attack.

Sanzo grumbled and cursed as he and Goku walked back east. He was annoyed with everything: it was twice as long to get anywhere on foot, his robes were dusty, the monkey was constantly whining for food, only this time the priest was the only one he had to pester, and still there had been no sign of Jeep. Now on top of it all there was this detour. The pass ahead was closed, a boulder had fallen and blocked it, Lord only knew when it would finally be cleared, the only choice was to go, all the way back to the village, and take a separate route entirely to bypass the blocked pass. Not only was everything out of sorts, he'd been sensing some powerful youkai energy that made him nervous. Gojyo was out there alone and injured, but at this rate, if he survived, he might just catch up to them after finding Hazel. It didn't particularly concern him that Gojyo was hurt or by himself, the bitch was damn hard to kill, but Sanzo knew as well as anyone that he and Goku by themselves would never be able to complete this mission. The lousy kappa wasn't much of a companion, but at least he was a decent fighter. That had been made clear enough when he'd stood up to Toku.

"Hey Sanzo," Goku interrupted his thoughts.

"If you say what I _think_ you're going to say, I'll kill you."

"No, it's something else, 'bout Gojyo, d'ya' think he'll actually find Hazel?"

"Who knows."

"So d'ya think Hazel can revive Hakkai?"

"It's hard to say. I'm sure he can, but he may not want to."

Goku's voice dropped a little, "'Cause he's a youkai?"

It sounded like a question, but Sanzo knew it wasn't really, "Hazel's prejudice isn't my problem. I admit he has good reason to fear them, especially at a time like this, but I don't think he considers life the right way. A life is a life, Goku, youkai or human."

"I know. I just wish everyone else knew too."

"Not everyone's got the heart that you have."

The boy smiled, "Guess not." He rubbed the back of his head and looked far down the road where a few men were coming toard them. It was rare to meet another traveler these days, but since they were so close to a town he let the oddity of it go.

"Whatever happens," Sanzo said, lighting a cigarette, "we have to keep going west."

Goku frowned but didn't say anything. In truth he was worried about Gojyo. He'd never seen his friend so upset, and when he'd looked into the kappa's eyes it had been like facing a stranger. He wondered what would happen to Gojyo if Hakkai couldn't be brought back.

_He'll prol'y die…_Goku realized in a rare feel of grimness, _he an' Hakkai have been friends for forever… _It was hard to even think of them apart.

The boy knew Hakkai was dead, but it seemed unreal to him, he kept picturing his fellow youkai somewhere with Gojyo and Jeep, smiling and laughing at his friends' expense.

Jeep was another source of concern for him. The white dragon had disappeared not long after Hakkai's death and Goku hadn't seen any sign of him since then. He hoped the little guy was okay, that he'd found a new master and was eating well, not getting eaten.

And speaking of eating…

Goku's stomach growled, "Hey, Sanzo, I'm hungry, can we stop back in town t'-"

"We are _not_ stopping for _anything_ right now, Goku, we-"  
"Excuse me sirs," the group of men Goku had noticed coming down the road had reached the pair and one of them, one of the eldest of the group, had approached and was looking at the two companions gravely. Goku thought he seemed nervous, "you aren't going east, are you?"

Sanzo took a deep breath and Goku thought he was going to unleash some of his anger on the stranger, but instead he said, "West. There's a boulder blocking this path. We're on a detour."

"I see."

"Why?" Goku asked, "What's wrong with East?" he couldn't help thinking about Gojyo and worrying that his friend was in some kind of danger.

"Nothing wrong with it, kid, but we just came from the east and there's a horribly strong youkai going that way—it'd be a shame to run into him."

Goku's attention perked, "A youkai?"

"Yes, a more brutal beast I've never seen, he attacked my companions and I this afternoon, killed only one of us, left the rest alive, but he was strong, stronger than any youkai I've ever seen."

"Was he alone?" Sanzo asked quietly. Goku could hear that the news troubled the priest.

"Yes, but even then all five of us couldn't kill him." the man shook his head, obviously lamenting the loss of his friend, "Fearsome beast I'll tell you that—if you _do_ come across him I recommend running away as fast as you can."

Goku hesitated, expecting Sanzo to speak, but when he didn't the boy asked, "What did he look like?"

The man scratched his beard thoughtfully, "He was young, had green eyes and dark hair, was dressed in green I guess, with a brown jacket, had these markings, you know, they looked like vines."

Goku could barely stop himself from blurting something stupid.

"Vines?" Sanzo asked, almost coldly.

"Yes sir." The traveler inspected them both suspiciously, then shrugged, "Just keep a look out as you go, he might be hanging around the town or he might have moved on, either way, traveling's not safe around this area." He shifted his pack and nodded to them before moving on with the rest of his group.

"Sanzo," Goku whispered, "that sounds like-"

"I know." The priest had placed another cigarette in his mouth and appeared to be thinking.

"Are we gonna' check it out?"

"Hn. No. We're going west, remember, not east."

"But if it _is_ Hakkai-"

"It's not. Hakkai is dead, Goku, that's not debatable, whatever that youkai is, it's not Hakkai, and we should do whatever we can to steer clear of him."

Goku sighed and looked forward to the east. Trees blocked his vision of the town, but not so far away were the mountains, rising up against the sky. Gojyo was out there somewhere, alone, injured, and now there was a terribly strong youkai, possibly right behind him. The boy wanted to go to his friend and help him.

But he couldn't leave Sanzo all alone, the priest talked a good fight, but Goku knew that, alone, Sanzo was defenseless.

"Put me down, dammit!" Gojyo screamed, beating on Gat's shoulders.

Taking his own sweet time, Gat knelt, allowing Gojyo to slide of his back. The redhead hit the ground roughly and forced himself to his feet. They'd traveled the full day back to town and now night was falling. He still hadn't slept or eaten very much and at some point had collapsed from the strain and Gat had carried him on his back the rest of the way.

Gojyo wiped a thread of blood from his forehead. The cut had broken open again and he was sure some of his other wounds were also bursting again. Regardless, he flung himself at the morgue door, beat on it fiercely, "Open up! Open the door!"

Immediately the door sprang open, nearly toppling Gojyo over and a straight-laced old man glared down at him from the doorway. "What do you want?"

"The hybrid ignored the mortician's rudeness, said frantically, "A couple days ago a body was brought in, and we-"

"People die every day, son," the old man snorted, "how am I expected to know which one you're referring to?"

"Right. Uh, he was young, dark hair, green eyes, and-"

"Oh. The _youkai._"

"Youkai?" Gojyo froze. He remembered for the first time that Hakkai hadn't been wearing his limiter when he'd died, it only made sense that he'd still been in that form when Sanzo and Goku had brought him here. There was nothing they could do about it. "Yes, he was a youkai, can we just-"

"Sorry," he didn't really sound sorry, "the body's not here anymore."

"Where the hell is it? Did you…" Gojyo stopped, not really wanting to ask if they'd buried his friend.

"It was disposed of—we didn't feel obligated to bury one of _those_ things."

In shock, Gojyo stumbled back, eyes wide.

"What _did_ ya' do?" Hazel questioned. "Ya' can't tell me ya' threw it out in the forest."

"They live like animals, they die like animals."

"You bastard!" Gojyo screamed, grabbing the man's shirtfront, "How could you do that? He was a person! Maybe he wasn't _human_, but he was still a person!"

"If he had been a person," the man smiled cruelly, "we would have buried him."

"Son of a bitch!" the hybrid cocked back his fist to strike, "You filthy prick, I'll kill you and throw _you_ in the woods! I'll-"

"Mister Gojyo!" Hazel grabbed the hybrid's wrist, "Ya can't go around just hittin' people!"

The mortician kept glaring.

Barely getting a hold of himself, Gojyo wrenched away from Hazel, demanded coldly, "_Where_ did you take it?"

"Back into the western woods, beyond the cemetery."

"Western woods." Gojyo turned on his heel, snapped at Hazel, "C'mon, we're done with this asshole. We're gonna' find Hakkai."

Gojyo spent hours combing through the woods, walking over mile after mile, eyes open for any sign of his friend, any bones or blood or clothes, and everywhere he looked there was nothing. It got darker and darker, Hazel and Gat were growing restless and he could feel it, but he didn't care, he had to find Hakkai, he had to get him back, he wasn't going to go through the rest of his life with this burden on his shoulders, no matter what it took.

The moon got high into the sky, turning the woods bone-white, and Gojyo kept looking, his body exhausted from travel and hunger, but he pushed himself to keep going.

"Mister Gojyo," Hazel said after several hours had passed, "don't ya' think that maybe now it's time for ya' to give it up and go back to Mister Sanzo?"

"If there's a chance that Hakkai's out here I'm not stopping until I find him."

"Well, it's noble of ya', but here's th' thing, if he was bleedin' bad then I doubt he's still out here…these woods are full o' wild animals."

Gojyo turned on him angrily, "I don't give a damn! I'm going to find him!"

"But can't ya' see what I'm tryin' to say? He ain't here no more, sir, he can't be, not after so long."

Gojyo sighed and leaned against a tree. He was so tired and his body ached, it was late and cold and as much as he didn't want to admit it, Hazel was probably right. Hakkai's remains had probably been eaten within the hour he'd been left out here. That was a heaviness he simply didn't want to deal with, he wanted to keep looking, to keep hoping that somehow he was out here, but he knew he couldn't look forever. He should try to catch up to Sanzo if he could, but he didn't want to, he didn't want to go west anymore, and he didn't want to try to get home.

Overhead was high-pitched, shrill cry that made him jump and look around.

Hazel also cast a nervous eye around their surroundings, "What was that?"

Gojyo didn't answer, just kept searching the landscape. The sound echoed around them again.

"Some kinda' wild animal." Hazel whispered. "I suggest we get outta' here while we can."

He heard the sound again, only this time it was familiar somehow, something he'd heard before and actually wanted to hear. A white shape fluttered by and perched in a tree nearby, cooing and chirping. "Jeep!" Gojyo shouted, rushing forward, "Is that you Jeep?"

The little white dragon cocked his head to observe him with one eye.

"Jeep! I knew it! God am I glad to see you! Have you seen Hakkai?"

Jeep trilled excitedly at recognizing Gojyo's voice and swept down from the tree, clung to Gojyo's shirt and licked the hybrid's face.

"Ain't that Hakkai's pet dragon?"

Gojyo managed to pry Jeep off of himself but the little animal perched on his arm and continued to chirp gleefully, the hybrid smiled sadly and scratched between his ears, "Yeah. It is. Jeep, you know where Hakkai is?"

The dragon seemed to hang its head and gave something of a whine.

"Yeah, me neither." Gojyo sighed and looked up at the sky, finding Jeep was a rare streak of luck for him, it meant that it would be easy to catch up to Sanzo, of course now the responsibility of driving was up to him, in fact, the whole responsibility of Jeep was probably his now. He didn't want to go west. He didn't want to find Sanzo and admit that he had failed. And he didn't want to go home, back to his own town, back to his old life, and try to live there alone again. In fact, there was only one thing that Gojyo really wanted to do now…

"Hell that does it." He muttered, getting to his feet and shaking Jeep off his arm. He summoned his shakujou and started to hack his way through the woods, back toward the town.

Hazel followed, "Um, Mister Gojyo? What now? It's pretty clear that Mister Hakkai is gone, what are you going to do?"

Gojyo didn't answer, he just kept moving forward as fast as he could, and before long the lights of the town were in sight. He hopped the fence and walked through the graveyard, past the inn and headed toward the morgue. Even this late the lights were on.

The hybrid was so angry at everything around him, angry at the filthy people who had contributed to Hakkai's death, as well as to the fact that he couldn't even revive his friend now. That had been his last hope, now it was gone like a breath in cold air. He was furious at his helplessness, furious that when his friend had needed him most he'd been too weak to save him. He was going to fix it. He was going to atone for it all.

In spite of Hazel's constant questions and attempts to stop him, Gojyo went straight to the morgue door, his youkai blood was surging and he was responding purely to his instincts. He kicked the door open and walked inside. The old man he'd seen earlier stood up and confronted him.

"Oh, it's you again, well did you find your youkai?" he smiled icily as if he already knew the answer.

"No," Gojyo said stiffly, "but now that you mention it, there's another favor you could do for me."

The man laughed shortly, "And what favor is that?"

"Tell him I said hello!" Gojyo flung the shakujou, the chain spreading across the distance between them, the crescent blade struck the man at his neck and blood splattered, the head rolled leaving the corpse to flop on the floor.

"Mister Gojyo!" Hazel shouted, moving forward. "What the devil did ya', why on earth would you-"

"I'm going to kill them." Gojyo said quietly, not looking at the human, "I'm going to find every single person who was involved in killing Hakkai," he turned his red eyes on hazel fiercely, "and I'm going to murder every last one of them."

Hakkai wrapped the jacket tighter around himself. It was a surprisingly brisk day and he'd been walking for hours, keeping off the main roads to avoid human contact and watching the clouds overhead grow more and more threatening with the passage of time. At morning he had killed a deer to eat, now that it was noon he knew he'd have to find another soon. He could already feel his stomach growling. He was glad for the jacket, but wished that it had a hood in case the rain really did start.

A heavy wind from the north stirred and rustled his hair and clothes. He stopped, sure that he could smell human blood. A recent kill? Or possibly an injured human. He turned in that direction and began to make his way through the trees, senses alert and eyes open, expecting to see something at any moment. He moved forward for about five minutes before he came to a small clearing and stopped.

There was a man there, hunched over the dead, bleeding body of a young woman, likely a human. He was so involved in the meal that he didn't even notice Hakkai, but Hakkai saw his pointed youkai ears and dared to speak up. He felt guilty about killing humans just to eat, it would help if he could possibly talk this stranger to sharing a meal with him, "Beg your pardon."

The man jumped up, startled, clenched his fists and stared, his eyes were wide, fangs dripping with crimson.

Hakkai stared for a moment. The man had straight, brown hair that fell to his shoulders and slanted eyes, there was a single, long scar that stretched diagonally across his face, from the corner of his forehead to his jaw. He looked so much like Sha Gojyo that for a moment Hakkai thought maybe he was, but then again, the resemblances weren't close enough.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, forgive me, I could smell you eating back here and…um I haven't eaten for several hours."

"I'm not much into sharing. Got something to give me?"

"Well, I don't know," Hakkai reached into his pockets and found something, then into the pockets of the jacket. He found a pack of cigarettes he'd noticed earlier and a lighter, wondered if it would be enough. He produced the smoking paraphernalia, "This is all I have, I'm sorry."

The other youkai's face lit up a little, "Cigarettes? What brand?"

"Hi-lites." Hakkai didn't have to look at the package to know. He'd studied the cigarettes earlier and wondered where they had come from since he didn't smoke. Of course, he didn't really own the jacket either, likely both belonged to someone else.

"Hn. Good enough. All right, you lend me a smoke and I'll let ya' eat."

"I don't smoke, you can keep the pack." Hakkai approached cautiously, handed the cigarettes and lighter over to the man, then they both sat down around the respective meal and the man lit up a smoke.

"I was almost done anyway. My name is Tatsuo by the way, I'm from the Kyuketsuki tribe."

"Yunxu."

Tatsuo waited as if expecting more information, but received none. Then he sighed and looked back at the sky, "Damn weather, huh? Gonna' rain soon."

"Yes, I suppose it is. Does the rain bother you?"

"Hn. Not really; my mother was a water youkai, but when it rains the humans tend to stay indoors, makes it hard to get a meal," he flicked ashes, "and cigarettes."

"That's true. So, Mister Tatsuo, are you traveling alone?"

"Yep. Mosta' my friends lost it a while back, not sure why it didn't happen to me, but anyway, I wasn't welcome at home anymore, so I started traveling. I guess a lot of people would think I _have_ gone berserk, since I've been eating humans, but that's the kyuketsuki way, we've always been eating humans."

"I'm afraid I don't know very much about your tribe."

"We're not from Shangri-La, immigrated from some islands down on the eastern coast, most people haven't heard of us. How 'bout you? Get chased out of your town too?"

"No, not as such, I'm looking for someone."

"Youkai or human?"

"Both."

"Half-blood. That's an odd find these days, lotsa' them have been killed. What's your beef with this hybrid?"

"I'm not sure, it's something of a long story."

"Hell, ain't they all? Well that's all right, your business ain't mine."

Hakkai paused from eating to look at him, "Excuse me?"

"I said, your business ain't mine."

That seemed so familiar…almost like a déjà vu. Someone had said that to Hakkai before, he was sure, but who? And When? If only he could remember.

"Anyway, guess you're going east?"

"For now I am. And you?"

"Just travelin', scoutin' for chicks that ain't gone batshit yet, gamblin' when I can. I've got a limiter, but I don't like to use it, fittin' in with humans ain't the funnest thing in the world, not when they're all so prejudice these days."

Hakkai nodded, studying his companion and mused to himself. Something about Tatsuo was familiar to him, though he wasn't sure why, his rough, crude manners were strangely comforting, even the scent of the cigarette smoke, which was drifting around him now was medicinal. The same smell was trapped in the jacket he was wearing and he was getting used to it; in fact, he wasn't sure he would want to keep traveling without the smell surrounding him.

Tatsuo noticed him staring, "Somethin' wrong?"

"Um, no, I'm sorry, you just remind me of someone."

"That right? Who?"

"I'm not sure."

"Hunh. Hate it when that happens." Tatsuo stood up, "Well Yunxu, since I've got nowhere to go and was headin' east myself, why don't we go together? Maybe we can help each other out."

Hakkai studied him uncertainly. He hadn't planned on traveling with anyone, but since had been somewhat lonely it didn't seem like too disagreeable of a proposal, besides that, he felt comfortable with Tatsuo, he felt like he would be easy to travel with. "All right then," he stood up as well and offered his hand to shake it, "let's go together."

Tatsuo shook the offered hand, looking serious, but then his face broke into a huge grin, "Hell yeah, this is gonna' be fun! I haven't had a traveling companion in a long, long time, we can find this hybrid of yours, maybe he'll join us too, and we can gamble and drink and get us some girls, and I'll teach ya' some card tricks. How about it?"

Hakkai found himself smiling too. For the first time in what felt like years he was satisfied. "It sounds very agreeable to me."

Vampire (Japanese)


	8. Revelation

Revelation

Revelation

Hazel entered the bar, looking around a little nervously, comforted by the presence of his enormous companion behind him, his eyes searched frantically for anyone with blonde hair, but saw none so far. He was desperate to find Sanzo by this time, although he wasn't really sure why. He had tried to stop Gojyo himself, but the hybrid wasn't going to be stopped by just anyone, and Hazel had the fat lip to prove it. He just couldn't believe that the half-blood was acting up the way he had, and if there was any hope of stopping him it was imperative to find Sanzo. But so far they'd been in four bars and hadn't seen any sign of Sanzo or Goku, the only way he could be sure that they were going the right way was that people had reported seeing him. Now if the priest wasn't here he wasn't sure what he would do.

He would have no choice but to backtrack and kill Gojyo.

A pretty waitress walked by and Hazel stopped her, removing his hat, "'Scuse me, miss, but I'm lookin' for a mister Sanzo, I wonder if he's here."

"There's a priest sitting over in the smoking room, he's pretty with blonde hair and has a young man with him."

Hazel smiled in relief, "That's our man all right."

"I'll show you to him."

"Naw, that's all right, darlin', I'll just have a seat at the bar, why don't ya' go and tell him that there's an old friend to see him?"

She smiled, "All right sir."

"Thank-you very much." He added silently, _An' please hurry._

Sanzo studied the map stretched out on the table in front of him while Goku chowed away the dinner he'd bought for him. It had already been five days since Hakkai had died, his body was definitely rotting away by now if Gojyo hadn't succeeded, and if the kappa had, by some miracle, done what he'd set out to do, even in his condition, then the two of them should be trying to catch up. Sanzo was going as slow as he dared, but he couldn't suppress his worries anymore. Gojyo could be dead for all he knew, and if he and Goku had to go to Houtou castle all alone…how could they ever succeed?

He glanced up at his companion now; Goku was totally absorbed by his food but Sanzo had already eaten what little he was in the mood for. He didn't want to endanger the monkey, but he couldn't help it by now, the mission they were pursuing was definitely dangerous as long as it was only the two of them. He didn't want to share his fears with Goku either, the sense of justice in the boy would certainly compel him to go back and look for Gojyo, then Sanzo would have to go the rest of the way on his own.

_Dammit. That idiot Hakkai just had to go and die, didn't he?_

A young waitress was coming toward them now, up behind Goku, she was smiling and making eye contact with Sanzo. _Good. There's the check_. He didn't bother wondering about the waitress who had been serving them all through the meal. This new waitress was thin and trim and pretty, she had short hair but a beautiful face, long legs, skinny waist, definitely the type Gojyo would be flirting with by now. At least there was some good in the fact that the kappa wasn't with them.

"Excuse me sir," the waitress said, "sorry to interrupt you, but there's a gentleman out at the bar who would like to have a word with you. He says he's an old friend."

Goku looked up immediately, "Maybe it's Gojyo! Hey, Lady, does he have really bright, red hair?"

"No, I'm sorry, he doesn't."

"Well, it could be Hakkai!" Goku jumped up, "That youkai the guy described sounded a lot like 'im!" Before Sanzo could warn him about traps, the stupid ape was off and Sanzo had no choice but to get up and reluctantly follow.

In the bar he scanned for anyone who looked familiar, keeping both eyes open, but there was no one who was an old friend…except for…

"Mister Sanzo!" Hazel waved at him, "Mighty glad to see ya' again sir, mighty glad; why don't ya' just come over here and set yourself down by little ol' me, we've got some business."

Goku stopped short, "_You're_ th' old friend the waitress was talkin' about?"

"That's me."

"Hn." Sanzo snorted, "You're no friend of mine."

Hazel looked slightly hurt, "Why how inhospitable of you to say sir. Ya'll could at least humor me."

"We don't have time for this. Come on Goku, let's get out of here."

"I really think ya'll oughta' sit down and listen to what I have t' say, ain't that right Gat?"

The huge man barely nodded, not looking up from wherever he was staring.

"Not interested." Sanzo snapped, turning on his heel to leave.

"Oh, I think ya'll will be mighty interested. It's about your redheaded friend, Mister Gojyo."

Sanzo stopped cold in his tracks. "Gojyo's not my friend either."

Goku though, was clearly excited, "Have ya' seen 'im? Where is he? Is he okay?"

"I've seen him."

"He was lookin' for ya'!"

"Well, Mister Goku, he sure found us all right, but now…I'm worried that he might be headin' int' some trouble."

Resignedly, Sanzo sighed and made his way back to the bar where he sat down, Hazel smiling brightly at him all the while. "What kind of trouble?"

"Bartender, give this good sir a beer on me, if you'll be so kind."

"Hazel," Sanzo snapped, "what kind of trouble?"

"Well, it's not so much that he's in trouble, ya'll might say he's the one _'causin' _the trouble."

Sanzo mulled that over as he sipped the beer the bartender shoved his way, "What do you mean?"

"Well, let me see if I can explain. He came lookin' for me, as ya'll already know, he was in downright pitiful shape, injured, desperate, hysterical, hadn't slept or ate in over a day, and just plum begged me to come back and help his pal out. So, bein' a gentleman, I agree and we come back west with him an' go to where Hakkai's s'posed to be."

"That's right, we took him to the morgue."

"Only thing is, the gentleman at the morgue says they didn't bury 'im."

"Didn't bury 'im?" Goku demanded, "What did they do with him?"

"Seems they threw 'im out in the forest instead."

"Of all the cheap, dirty things to do," Sanzo muttered, "I paid them good to bury Hakkai, youkai or not."

"They didn't seem to care;" Hazel shrugged and took a swig of the wine he was drinking, "but Mister Gojyo did, and we went into the forest to have a look around. We didn't find no body, so Mister Gojyo goes on back to the morgue, an' ya'll won't believe what he did."

"Try me."

"Mister Sanzo…he _murdered_ the mortician, out of cold blood."

That made Sanzo freeze. Gojyo? Murder someone for no reason? That couldn't be right, no matter what that couldn't be true.

"I was able to revive the mortician, 'course, 'twas just a matter of transferrin' souls, but Gojyo got away from us."

"Did he say where he was going?"

"Not really. All he really said was that he was going to find everyone who helped to kill Hakkai and he was gonna' murder them too. I didn't really believe 'im, but we followed 'im anyway. Lord have mercy," he sat back and shook his head, "he's doin' it, Mister Sanzo. He's already killed three humans that were involved, and when I tried to stop 'im, well," he pointed grimly to his fat lip, "ya'll can see what it got me."

"Has he gone berserk?" Sanzo demanded, trying to be as quiet about it as possible.

"Don't know. It sure seems that way, sir, he's goin' around killin' people without so much as a thought, that's why I came back to tell you. See I don't really want t' deal with it, but he's your friend, we just figured it was your duty to-"

"We _aren't_ friends."

"Well, whatever ya' are, Mister Sanzo, I think ya've got a problem, and I think that if ya'll wanna' fix it ya'd better head back east." He stood up and put the hat on his head, "Good day gentleman." With that, he and Gat both left.

Sanzo stayed at the bar, quietly staring down into his beer.

Goku asked, "Oh, man, Sanzo, what are we gonna' do now? We can't let Gojyo do that, right? I mean, it's a big mistake, don't ya' think? He could get hurt, or worse!"

The priest glared at the boy, "I don't care about Gojyo, you know that, I don't give a damn about what happens to him. He can do whatever the hell he wants and let his karma catch up with him, but we are going to keep going west."

Goku stared at him, for a long, long moment neither of them said anything, but the boy's golden eyes turned hard and shiny with determination, then Sanzo heard something he had never heard before, "No Sanzo, you're wrong this time, an' I think ya' know it. Our friends are out there, one of them's dead, and Gojyo might be next, an' I'm not gonna' sit here an' wait for that t' happen."

The priest snorted, "Are you telling me, monkey, that you're going to leave me?"

"I don't want to Sanzo, but I think we should go back and get Gojyo, even if we can't help Hakkai, we can still help Gojyo 'fore he's dead too. If I've gotta' leave ya' for that to happen then I will."

"I'll keep going without you, you know I will." Sanzo tried to sound firm, but he didn't feel firm. He didn't want Goku to walk out on him. He had to keep at least one companion with him, completing this mission utterly alone was impossible and he knew it.

"Then keep goin'," Goku shrugged, much to Sanzo's surprise, "Gojyo and Hakkai're my friends, and I'm gonna' help them." Then, without another word, Goku turned around, his cape fluttering a little, and walked toward the door.

Sanzo stared after him for a moment, then muttered a curse, slammed his beer down and went after the boy.

Reina stepped inside her house, arms full of groceries and locked the door with a sigh. For the last few days there had been rumors of a red-haired youkai running around and killing humans. He sounded suspiciously like Sha Gojyo and the people who had been killed had been part of the revenge party against Hakkai. She was terrified that it really _was _Gojyo and that he was on a rampage, that she was next.

It had taken a long time for her to build herself back up after Cho Gonou had killed everyone she loved, she had almost forgotten the incident and was remarried and had several young children, when Ikku had come to her with his plan to destroy the man who was now Cho Hakkai. She hadn't really wanted much to do with it, she had looked so hard for a peaceful life, but she had been afraid to disagree and had helped the youkai in his plot, seducing Gojyo mostly to distract Hakkai and get him worried. It had worked of course, but she had known that it would likely earn her some kind of payback, that Sha Gojyo wouldn't have a problem recognizing or finding her, and that if he had any intent to kill she was defenseless. She wished that she hadn't gotten involved with the mess, that it wasn't on her head or hands at all, but it was too late for that now. She was back in her town with her family now, but that wasn't going to be enough to keep Gojyo from killing her. Nothing would. The woman was petrified.

Regardless, she moved into the kitchen and began to put things away, listened for any sign of the kids returning home from school. Her other children, the ones Gonou had killed, had attended the school he'd taught at. She had liked Gonou, he was a kind, intelligent young man, and even with his strange, forbidden love affair he had seemed like a decent enough person. She had trusted him with the education of her children.

Until he had killed them.

Reina had been gone that day, visiting a sick friend in a neighboring town, and when she had returned, later than she had planned on, her family was dead, the entire town was full of murdered victims, and Cho Gonou, the murderer, was gone. She'd returned to her friend, not sure what else to do, and had gone through several phases of suicidalness and depression, until at last she'd met Katsuya, a young man from the east who had fallen in love with her and taken her back to his hometown. He'd been the closest thing to a knight in shining armor as she'd ever seen. For a while she had even been able to forget her first husband and lost children.

Until Ikku came.

Ikku was a cruel, empty man who cared more for vengeance than the friends he had lost, he was cold and unemotional, perhaps that was what had kept him from going berserk. At any rate, he hadn't been very kind to Reina, and she really didn't feel like she would care if he were dead. Maybe if Gojyo-san killed him it would be for the best. Maybe she could even help Gojyo-san in exchange for mercy. Gojyo seemed like a nice enough man when not provoked, she didn't see why there shouldn't be some way to negotiate with him.

There was a noise coming from the storage room that made Reina stop. It almost sounded like someone was walking around back there. Maybe Katsuya was home and she hadn't realized it. Cautiously the woman left the kitchen and made her way toward the back of the house. She tried to look around the corner and into the room, caught only a glimpse of someone tall as they moved out of her line of sight. Her husband?

"Katsuya? Katsuya, I'm home. Are you back there?"

She stepped into the storage room and froze, her blood turned to ice.

Gojyo smiled at her, the cigarette hanging casually from his mouth, his long, deadly weapon was out, it glimmered in the light, "Hello there, nice to see you again. If you're looking for your husband he's not here."

Reina could only stare in terror, "Where is he? What have you done with him?"

"Nothin'. Sorry I won't be able to tell him the same thing about you though." The redhead stepped forward, a dark look in his eyes.

The woman stepped back desperately searching for something that would reach the humanity in Gojyo, "Listen Gojyo, just listen for a moment, I'm sorry about what happened to Hakkai, I didn't think he was going to get killed."

"That's right, you just thought they'd kill me and everything would be fine."

"No. It wasn't my idea. it was all Ikku! I didn't want to do it; he made me! I can tell you where he is, please just don't kill me!"

Gojyo hesitated and blew smoke out his nose, "You know where that bastard is? Then you'd better speak up, missy, where can I find him?"

Reina felt a wash of relief, "He lives north of here, outside of one of the bigger towns, you can't miss it, he's living with a bunch of other youkai in an abandoned castle."

"Abandoned castle, huh?" Gojyo smiled a sweet smile, "Thanks a lot, that'll really help."

The woman sighed, feeling extremely lucky, "Thank-you Gojyo, I knew that you'd do the right thing."

"Heh. I didn't say I was letting you go."

"What?" There wasn't even an extra moment to scream before the Shakujou came rushing at her.

Gojyo stood over the woman, watching as she bled to death, her eyes wide and vacant, her mouth gasping for air. He dropped the cigarette and stomped it out, knelt and leaned close to her face, his red hair making a curtain; he pressed his lips very gently to her mouth and murmured, "Goodnight Sweetheart."

There were voices outside. Had someone heard her screaming? He didn't really care if they had: if someone tried to get in his way he'd just kill them too. He stepped over Reina and started to walk through the house, his boots tracking blood. He glanced out the window but didn't see anyone. As casually as possible he left the house and called for jeep. In another moment he had left.

Hakkai glanced at his companion out of the corner of his eye as they walked together. Tatsuo had his arms locked behind his head and was looking up at the sky, a dreamy look in his eyes, the cigarette in his mouth was lit and smoke was pouring off it. The man looked so impassive and unworried that it seemed that nothing in the world could bother him, but Hakkai couldn't help wondering if maybe Tatsuo _was _annoyed.

They had met a fellow youkai on the road and Hakkai had stopped him to ask if he knew anything about Sha Gojyo, after describing the hybrid Tatsuo had announced that _he_ had seen the hybrid traveling with two humans only a few days earlier—back west. Hakkai felt foolish for not asking earlier, now he had lost another day between the half-blood and himself. There was nothing to do but turn around. Hakkai had tried to convince Tatsuo that he didn't have to come if he didn't want to, but the other youkai had cheerfully insisted that he liked the company.

Now he was beginning to feel foolish again. There was a possibility that he'd never find Sha Gojyo, that his memories of the last few years would always be shrouded in clouds, he didn't like dragging a fellow youkai into this wild goose chase. Perhaps it would be best for the two to go their separate ways.

"Uh, Tatsuo-san," Hakkai said softly, "if you'd rather be somewhere else I'm perfectly willing to go on alone."

Tatsuo gave him a funny, overconfident look, "First of all, you don't have to call me san, second of all, where would I go?"

"I don't know, but you certainly don't have to stay with me."

"Tryin' to get rid of me?" Tatsuo grinned.

Hakkai managed a laugh, "Of course not, it's just, you realize I may never find what I am looking for, don't you?"

"Your goals aren't mine, Yunxu, I'm along 'cause I want to be, no other reason. I've been travelin' alone for too long, every youkai I meet has gone berserk so there's not much hope for companionship there, I don't care where you're going, as long as you'll have me I'm coming too."

Hakkai smiled, "I suppose I should thank you. Being alone isn't really my idea of a good time either."

"It sucks." Tatsuo said bluntly. "Hey Yunxu, I've been meanin' ta' ask, about this half blood that is, why are you looking so hard? What is it about him that makes it that you have to find him so bad?"

"It's hard to say really. It's been a strange couple of days. I know this will sound very odd, but when I woke up a few days ago I was in the house of a witch named Soo-Lin."

Tatsuo nodded, "I've heard of her, she's sort of an urban legend around here."

"She told me that I'd been dead for some time, and strangely enough I cannot remember up to the last four years of my life, the only clue I have to where I've been is the jacket I'm wearing and this hybrid. I have no idea who he is, but if I can find him I believe he'll be able to tell me what happened to me."

"And if he's an enemy?"

"I'm not sure. I can only hope that if he is an enemy he'll be good enough to at least tell me something of my clouded past."

"Clouded. Yunxu isn't your real name is it."

"Well, my real name is Cho Gonou, but…I would rather leave that name behind if I can, there are many bad memories connected with my past. That's part of why I'm so desperate to find Sha Gojyo, I'm hoping that the years I can't remember were better than the ones that I still have in my mind."

"I get it." Tatsuo was silent a moment. "Sha Gojyo. I've gotta' admit, that name sound pretty familiar."

"He was traveling with a Sanzo priest and a few other men, including one man who has the same surname that I have."

"So maybe, if that guy, the one who has the same surname as you, knew Sha Gojyo, then you might have known him too. What happened to this other guy?"

"He's dead. I don't know how he died, but I suspect it was a youkai attack."

"Sounds like a pretty tangled web, hope I can help you figure it out. Oh, I just felt a raindrop."

"It smells like rain, and the clouds we saw earlier looked fairly serious."

"Another storm." Tatsuo sighed, dropping his cigarette and stomping on it. The rain picked up, as predicted and soon the pair was walking through a severe storm complete with sheets of rain and nearby crashes of lightning, the thunder rolled and echoed off the mountains behind them. They were silent, each dealing with the rain and the emotions it brought in their own way.

Hakkai really was glad to have Tatsuo with him, it was strangely frightening to be alone, his memories would not subside, Kanan was dead, and everything beyond that was a blur. At least when someone was with him, when there was someone else's needs to consider, he could put his unhappy past behind him.

After a moment Tatsuo stopped, he looked around and sniffed at the wind. Hakkai stopped beside him, "What is it?"

"I hear something, a voices I think."

Hakkai tilted his head and tried to listen; somewhere past the rain he could hear the faint murmur of voices, he could smell humans and sense their spirits.

Tatsuo grinned, "Y'know what that means, pal, it's dinner time!" The kyuketsuki took off into the trees running quickly and soon he was out of sight.

"Wait, Tatsuo!" Hakkai shouted, running after him, "We don't know how many there are!"

Sanzo was furious at the condition of the weather, the rain had blown in out of nowhere and they had just left the closest town behind them. The next one was some ways away and he was tempted to turn around and go back. Goku seemed to be enjoying the rain, splashing in the puddles and pointing to the lightning and laughing as they ran through the storm as quickly as they could.

As they went, Sanzo thought about the discovery they had made in the town they'd just passed through. After Hazel had left the pair had set out in search of Gojyo, first returning to the last town the foursome had spent the night in, where they made a shocking discovery. A number of humans had been killed in the last day alone, including one Reina Asato, the same woman who had checked them into the inn so long ago. Sanzo wasn't sure what Reina had to do with Gojyo or Hakkai, he worried that maybe she didn't have anything to do with either of them, and that would mean that Gojyo _had_ gone berserk and he was killing now at random.

He didn't know if half bloods could go berserk at all or if the human in Gojyo would hold him together in spite of all else, but he didn't want to ignore any possibilities, he had to get to the kappa and do something about this rampage while he still had a chance. He mumbled as they ran, "How like that idiot to get all carried away over something like this."

Then again, maybe it wasn't something so unheard of to want to avenge a friend's death. Still, killing _everyone_ involved was over doing it, or at least, Sanzo thought so.

Goku stopped running suddenly and the priest ran headlong into him, unable to stop in time, the pair fell over in a heap, trying to recollect their wits. Sanzo hit him a few times with the paper fan, "Oy monkey! What the hell did you stop for? I'd like to make the next town before-"

Goku picked himself up, ignoring Sanzo and turned to face the northern side of the road, stared there intently for a long moment.

"Goku?" Sanzo stood up and tried to follow his gaze.

There were two dark, shadowy figures shifting through the trees, coming toward them, both were tall and lanky and looked fast and sleek, they weren't moving with the similar, clumsy movements of humans but with the swift abilities of predators. As they got closer he was able to see their long, sharp ears.

"Great, assassins, just in time." Sanzo took the gun out of his robe, "Get ready Goku, there are only two of them in sight, but there are probably more in the trees. We've got to be ready for anything."

"No…Sanzo, somethin's wrong, that one youkai is…"

Much to the priest's surprise, the first youkai spoke up. He had long hair and a cigarette in his mouth, his silhouette looked so much like Gojyo's shadow that for a moment the priest almost relaxed and started to scream at the kappa, then he heard the voice.

"Hellooo humans, strange night for a walk, don't you think?"

They weren't demanding the sutra or making absurd statements about killing either of them, they weren't celebrating the fact that there were only two of them, in fact, Sanzo thought it was safe to say that neither of the youkai had any idea who they were. The first one had made a verbal advance, Sanzo could sense that he was hungry, but it wasn't the same ravenous hunger that he had felt in all the other youkai he'd run into, the second hadn't said anything yet. These youkai, strangely enough, didn't seem to be berserk. Maybe that meant they could get away from them without a fight.

"If you think it's a strange night for a walk what are you two doing out here?"

"Nothing. We're travelers, you see, looking for someone actually, maybe you've seen him—he was with a priest and a kid, you two fit that category."

The second youkai whispered something to the first and the man with the long hair nodded, "My friend here wants to know if you're Genjyo Sanzo."

Sanzo hesitated and glanced at Goku. The boy was right about one thing, something was wrong, but it wasn't the first youkai that had him worried, it was the second, the one he couldn't really pick out anything distinguishing about other than he was a little taller than himself and had hair only a little shorter than that of his companions.

"Who wants to know?"

"Vicious for a human, ain't ya'? All right, I'm Tatsuo and this is my friend, Yunxu, we're youkai, as you can probably tell, traveling west at the moment in search of a child of taboo named Sha Gojyo."

The priest's heartbeat stopped for a split moment. Gojyo. What did these two youkai want with Gojyo? _What the hell has that stupid kappa gotten himself into?_

"Never heard of him."

"Now hold on a minute, human, we introduced ourselves, what's _your_ name?"

"I don't give my name out to strange youkai, sorry."

"Man, what a bitch." Tatsuo turned to his companion, "Yunxu, I don't think this is the right priest, and I'm hungry."

Yunxu took a moment to reply, in which Sanzo felt very uncomfortable. Tatsuo was hungry, did that mean that they were going to try to eat him and Goku? He didn't think it meant they were going to go pick up a cheeseburger somewhere.

"Very well, as long as we keep one alive for further questioning I don't see the harm in eating one of them."

_That voice. It can't be. There's no way, not when I saw him die, not when he died right in front of us and Gojyo went batshit over it and everything else, there's just no way he's alive._

"Hakkai?" Goku shouted, taking a step forward. "I know it's you, Hakkai, it's me, Goku, don't ya' recognize us?"

Both youkai froze and looked warily at the approaching teenager. Hakkai felt strangely uncomfortable as the young man called that name. Hakkai was the name of the man who had died back in that town, how could this young man think that _he_ was Hakkai? Unless, as he suspected, he had been related to Hakkai somehow and they looked alike.

"We don't know any Hakkai," Tatsuo snarled, "I already told you our names."

Wait. He was starting to remember something…a boy, not very old, fifteen at most, brown hair with large, luminous, golden eyes and a golden crown around his forehead. He could remember trying to explain mathematics to the boy using…oranges…?

_The boy smiled up at him, "Zero! Zero are left!"_

_"And why is that?"_

_"'Cause I'm gonna' eat 'em all!"_

What was that memory? Had this boy been one of his students back when he and Kanan had lived together? Hakkai pushed past Tatsuo, "You, young man, what's your name?"

"It's me, Hakkai, Goku, don't you remember?"

"I-I don't know anyone named Hakkai." _Goku…that's so familiar…_

"Goku. Then you _are_ the men Sha Gojyo was travelin' with," Tatsuo said, unaware of his friend's internal struggle, "Do ya' happen to know where he is now?"

"He left." The boy said earnestly, "He's lookin' for _you,_ Hakkai."

"I-"

A huge flash of lightning jolted across the sky, illuminating everything just long enough for Hakkai to get a glimpse of the priest, staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. Then it was dark again and the priest rushed forward, screaming, "Hakkai!"

With a snarl, Tatsuo lashed out and struck the priest across the face, knocking him on his back in the mud. He raised his claws to strike but Goku jumped on him, long staff in hand and kicked him back, swung the staff at him.

"You little brat!" Tatsuo shouted, pulling a sword out of thin air, "You'll regret that!"

"Goku, get away from him!"

The priest had a gun. Of all the strange things… It was pointed at Tatsuo.

"Get down!" Hakkai flung himself at his friend and they both fell to the wet ground. The priest was getting on his feet, backing away to stand side by side with the boy.

"A gun!" Tatsuo hissed, his voice laced with fear, "Yunxu, he's got a gun, let's get out of here, we'll get dinner somewhere else."

"These men might be my only chance to find-"

"Screw your goddamn half-blood, Yunxu! Let's just get out of here alive!" the kyuketsuki jumped up, hauling his friend to his feet and darted away across the road and back into the trees, shouting back over his shoulder, "Get moving dumbass!"

Hakkai took a moment to stare at the priest and the boy, they were both frozen as if in shock, neither looked willing to attack, but he still wasn't sure of their intentions, and he didn't want to let Tatsuo get too far ahead of him. With one last desperate look, he ran as well, loping back into the trees and disappearing.

As soon as the two youkai were gone, Sanzo dropped to his knees, shocked by what had just happened, he even dropped his gun, muttered, "But…he was dead…wasn't he?" He tried to remember as much as he could about Hakkai's corpse.

It had gotten cold quickly, there hadn't been a heartbeat, the blood and open wounds congealed rapidly, there had been no breath, no sign of life whatsoever. He had been dead, no doubt about it. But the youkai who had just run into the woods… that _had_ been Hakkai, no doubt about it.

"It was him, wasn't it?" Goku asked quietly, "It _was_, right?"

"It was him. Those markings, those eyes, there was no way it wasn't…"

"He was…wearin' Gojyo's jacket…Gojyo couldn't find it the morning he left."

"It was Hakkai, I know it was, I just don't understand _how_."

Goku turned his large, confused eyes on his companion, "Why didn't he recognize us Sanzo? He didn't know who we were, but why not?"

"I'm not sure, he was calling himself Yunxu, the only thing I can think of is that he doesn't remember. But I do know this," Sanzo stood up again, his hair was soaked and his robes clung to his body, he shivered from cold, "Gojyo's going around killing people for nothing."

Goku sounded determined, "We've gotta' find 'im and tell 'im."

"For once I agree, we've got to find that stupid kappa, and then we've got to find a way to get Hakkai to remember."


	9. Revenge

Revenge

Revenge

Gojyo was cautious as he stepped through the corridors of the castle, his eyes darted everywhere, following every movement, ears picking up every sound. He'd already been here for at least thirty minutes and slain a number of youkai; still there was no sign of Ikku—he was beginning to wonder if Reina had misdirected him in hopes of being spared.

The half-blood cursed his rash actions; if he had left Reina alive he could go back and get it out of her where Ikku really was, but now it was too late.

He seethed with anger; Ikku was the one youkai he really wanted to kill, the only one that truly deserved to die, but he couldn't find him.

A rat scuttled by his foot and Gojyo jumped back, strangling a scream. He sighed, disappointed in himself. He'd been on edge lately, his wounds still hurt and the nights had gone by sleepless, spent getting as drunk as possible. He rubbed the sore arm that Kai had shot. It seemed so long ago, but the wound didn't seem to be healing, rather he worried that it was getting infected.

Up ahead he saw yet another guard youkai moving towards him slowly, like he thought Gojyo wouldn't see him. The hybrid snorted, "you come to stop me too?"

The youkai didn't answer, just raised his long claws in defiance.

"Look at you, boyo; you can't beat me." Gojyo tightened his grip on the shakujou.

The youkai sprang at him, screaming furiously, but Gojyo side-stepped him easily and hit him on the back of the neck, knocking him down, "Where's your master at?"

Snarling like an animal, the man got up and swung at Gojyo, clipping him in the chin.

Angry at the blow, Gojyo sliced across his chest with the shakujou and then watched as the youkai slumped at his feet, stabbed down against his neck, severing the head. "That was too easy."

An icy wind blew down the hallway, blowing Gojyo's hair and clothes. "Well done Gojyo, well done; perhaps I underestimated your youkai blood."

The voice seemed to come from everywhere and the hybrid couldn't pinpoint it. He turned around, searching frantically, eyes darting wildly, "Where are you? Show yourself Ikku!"

There was silence. A chill rippled down his spine and he felt warm breath on the nape of his neck. Gojyo spun and was shocked to find the taller youkai looming over him.

"So have you come here to kill me? I had heard that you were going around, attempting to exterminate us all, but I never thought you'd survive, especially after that pathetic display of abilities you showed me."

"You thought wrong—your days are over, and you're going to pay for what you did!"

"Spare me the heroics won't you?" Ikku twitched. His hand struck Gojyo across the jaw and the hybrid went flying through the air, smashed back into a pile of crates. He screamed and clutched his arm as he felt fresh pain wash over it.

"Oh my. Don't tell me you're still not healed? That's because Hakkai wasn't there to heal you, isn't it?"

The words were enraging, a powerful and painful reminder of the fact that his friend was dead because of this monster. Gojyo got up as quickly as his tired, aching body would allow; with a scream he rushed the demon.

Ikku vanished and reappeared behind Gojyo, pushing some of his long, red hair away from his ear and leaning down to whisper, "You realize you can't do it, right?"

Furiously, Gojyo turned and swung a punch at the empty air.

Ikku was behind him again, laughing a little, "You can't defeat me."

Shouting in rage, Gojyo flew at him, but the bigger youkai evaded him again.

"You can't _ever_ avenge Gonou."

Ikku smashed Gojyo across the back of the neck with his elbow, watched as the hybrid sprawled on the floor, rubbing the back of his head.

"You know, the sad part is that I was going to leave you and your remaining friends alone. I was going to let you go and never see you again, but you were just so obsessed with vengeance…it would have done my heart some good to let you live I think."

Gojyo sprang to his feet and went at Ikku, eyes flashing, swinging punch after punch and being parried and blocked. "_I'm _obsessed with vengeance? It's been _four years_ since Hakkai attacked the centipede tribe and you're still trying to get back at him!" One of his punches landed in Ikku's gut and the youkai doubled over, gasping.

It felt sort of good to hit him, to feel his flesh and bone bend beneath his fist. Gojyo hit him again and again until Ikku finally got a hold of himself and smacked the redhead across the face, knocking him back into the wall.

"Why can't you just admit it, Gojyo?" The youkai wiped blood and spit from his lips, "I won. You lost. Gonou is gone now, just go back to Sanzo and Goku and forget about it. You can't get him back. You can't make it better. You can't atone for what you did, for all the sins you've committed—you were both sinners from the beginning. That's why your mother couldn't love you. If you had any brain power you would realize that you've been a stain on this world ever since the day you were born and you'd fall on your own weapon."

The anger inside of Gojyo snapped; he felt such despair, such utter and ruthless despair that he couldn't even move as Ikku struck him again, back and forth across the face, shouting at him.

"You're worthless, boy! There's never been any use for you—your life has no purpose! Ever since you were born all you've done is take and take and take!"

Gojyo fell on his knees, head spinning with dizziness, limbs feeling numb.

Ikku stood over him, "You should have died in place of Hakkai and you know it."

The redhead shuddered and closed his eyes, almost giving into that lie, almost letting it overwhelm him. Maybe he should be dead now. Maybe it would be better if he were dead now.

"That's right Gojyo, just stop taking from the world. Just stop this hateful existence: they would all be better without you now…Clearly no one has ever found any value in your life."

The words cut so deep, and for a moment Gojyo took them to heart, for a moment he considered just giving it up. Tears began to form under his lids. What was left to live for now anyway.

Ikku laughed, "You're so pathetic. I'm not sure why Gonou gave his life for yours."

_He thought…Hakkai must have thought…_

Gojyo opened his eyes, saw Ikku creating a chi blast, identical to the one he'd killed Hakkai with. He remembered that blast had never been meant for Hakkai. It had been made to kill _him._

_Hakkai must have thought…_

"…that I have value…"

Ikku hesitated, "Beg your pardon?"

_He died…protecting me. That chi blast wasn't for him…it was for me. Hakkai didn't want…he wasn't going to…it was for me…_

_And Jien…Jien killed Mom because she wanted to hurt me. She was trying to kill me. He must have thought that…_

_I have value._

He glared up at Ikku, a new sense of purpose in his mind, renewing his resolve.

"Do you have some last words you'd like to say? An epic poem to recite perhaps?"

Then the shakujou was in his hands, warm, harsh, steely, familiar. He swung his arm, never taking his eyes off the target. There was a spray of blood and a horrified scream.

Ikku hadn't seen it coming.

He fell to the floor, his right arm and leg flopping there beside him, a pool of blood spreading quickly from his body.

Painfully, Gojyo rose; he couldn't wipe away the tears, regardless of where they were coming from or who was watching him. He stood over Ikku, breathing hard, trying to ignore the fresh streams of blood.

Ikku smiled from bloodied lips, "I took…everything you believed in, …didn't I? Your strength…your self-confidence…everything that made your life…even slightly normal? Your life can't go back to being the way it was…it can never be the same…you know?"

Gojyo shuddered at those words, felt Jeep alight on his shoulder; the dragon chirped mournfully. Maybe Ikku was right…

"You have no reason to live now…you don't even have the strength… or the heart…to really finish me off…I took away the last thing that was good in your life…there's nothing left to do but die…what is it worth anyway Sha Gojyo? What is life worth? What makes it worth living? We are all…leaves in the wind…withered by the merciless sun…"

The hybrid stiffened and the anger bubbled up.

"What was Cho Gonou to you anyway? A…friend? He was a nag, an annoyance, he kept you from doing the things you wanted to do…"

_This world is made up than more of myself…_

"You ought to be thanking me."

_Jien, Hakkai, Goku…even Sanzo, they're all that's ever been good in my life…_ It was suddenly so true. So real. All his life had been hard, every day had been a struggle, another bout with anger or loneliness or suicide, but those few people had made it different: they'd made it interesting, fun…worth living…that was what there was to be thankful for.

"Think about it Gojyo…do you really think the world will mourn the loss of Cho Gonou...?"

Gojyo gritted his teeth, lifted his foot and set it on Ikku's forehead, gently, "His name…was Cho _Hakkai_!"

He stomped down as fiercely as he could, felt the skull break under foot, blood surged up around his ankle, the brain squished under his heel.

_I will. _

Gojyo turned and saw a small group of youkai watching him, staring in shock and horror. They backed away as soon as they saw him looking.

The half blood sighed, "Get out of here. I'm not going to kill you."

Still they just stared.

"Well? Go. Before I change my mind."

One by one they turned, giving one last uncertain look at him, then they were gone, and he was alone with Jeep.

Gojyo made his way out of the castle, taking his time, lost in thought, and by the time he was back under the sun again it felt like it had been years since he'd felt its warmth or seen its brilliance. The air was crisp and clean and light; he relished the feeling of the wind in his hair, how it soothed his burning face. He relished the feeling of being alive.

_I will always mourn the loss of Cho Hakkai._

Cursing and mumbling, Sanzo walked toward the last inn in town, hoping against hope that Gojyo was there. If not he was out of ideas. This was the last town around for miles, and he couldn't very well hope that he was going to just run into the damned kappa. Goku was complaining about food but that seemed petty at the moment. Gojyo was running around killing people and that was all that really mattered. It had been a few days since Hazel had found them, and by this time Gojyo could be anywhere, he could have killed countless people.

He stormed through the door and looked around, thinking of all the horrible things he'd really like to do to Gojyo right then. It was a small tavern and he didn't see the hybrid anywhere, so he raised his voice, "Attention everyone: I'm looking for someone and I need to know if anyone has seen him." He was tired of asking barkeepers. They tended to be disinterested in helping, and Sanzo needed information right away, not some rigmarole about what they hadn't and had seen.

"Yeah," Goku chimed in, "he's got long, red hair and smokes a lot."

There was some grumbling as the people discussed how much they hated to be interrupted and most of them went back to their own business. Sanzo felt frustrated.

One young man nodded at them, "There's a redhead out back. Didn't get close enough to see if it was a guy or a chick, but whoever it is they have long, red hair."

"Yeah, I saw too," someone else piped up, "it was definitely a man."

Sanzo couldn't even believe his ears. It was almost too good to be true. "How old was he? Tell me more about him."

"I didn't get close either; he was giving off this really heavy vibe, but he didn't look very old: in his early twenties I'd say."

A few more people voiced their agreement and Sanzo's heart began to hammer. "Thank-you very much." He gestured for Goku to stay close and not get distracted by food, and together they made their way toward the back of the inn.

It was a cool, clear night, the sun had just set and the stars were still coming out; the sky looked perfectly black. The inn was built on a river bank and the wafts of cigarette smoke and the sound of voices and laughter, mixed with the smell of life and the sounds of chirping frogs and crickets. It was a perfect blend of two complete opposites.

About ten yards away a young man was leaning against the railing of the fence, staring out at the midnight-dark river and puffing on a cigarette. The wind was playing with his crimson colored hair.

Goku darted forward before Sanzo could stop him, "Gojyo!"

The Kappa turned around and stared, cigarette almost falling out of his mouth, eyes wide. Goku stopped. Sanzo stared as well. The hybrid looked older somehow, tired in a way, his face was bruised and dirtied with scrapes and bandages, his body was tattered, some wounds old, some fresh. But there was more to it than that. Gojyo was different. There was a strong vibe around him, something that spoke of chaos and grief and anger and somehow peace all at once. It was thick in the air. The despair was overt in his eyes. Here, Sanzo recognized, was a truly broken man.

He didn't seem at all surprised to see them, "Hey. What are you two doing here?"

Goku advanced again, more cautiously, voice soft, "We're lookin' for ya' Gojyo. We've been lookin' all over."

"Hazel told us what happened." Sanzo added, sure that Goku would forget, "What the hell are you thinking."

Gojyo looked back at them a long time, then he finally looked out at the river again, "I'm…not…not anymore…thinkin's not getting' me too far…and…I'm not anymore…"

The reply was disjointed and irritating, but Sanzo contained that frustration.

"Come with us," Goku whispered, "please? Ya've gotta' come with us, Gojyo; we need ya'."

The kappa scoffed, "No one needs me."

Goku touched his arm but Gojyo pushed him away, the strangest sight Sanzo had ever seen. He couldn't believe the impact Hakkai's death had had on the hybrid.

"Hakkai does." Sanzo said matter-of-factly.

"That's a joke, Sanzo; all of life is one big joke: Hakkai's dead, Hazel can't bring him back, nothing can. He's gone." He said it again, as if he were still trying to come to terms with it, even as he accepted it, "He's gone."

"We saw him Gojyo. He's alive, and well. I don't know how he survived or what happened, but it was definitely him."

"Yeah. We totally ran into him. First there was this guy who warned us about a super strong youkai with green eyes and vines on him, then we ran right int' him in the rain. He was with this other youkai, and he was callin' himself somethin' different, but I swear, it was Hakkai."

Silence.

"I saw him myself." Sanzo said carefully. "I looked right in his eyes."

"Sanzo was all doubtful when we heard 'bout it, but I knew, and then, after we saw 'im in the rain, even Sanzo was like 'that's totally Hakkai', so we thought we should come and find ya' so that ya' could stop killin' people and we could all be together again, even if Hakkai can't really remember-"

"Shut UP Goku!" Gojyo spun around, face on fire with rage, eyes burning like he was possessed by hell itself. "Just shut up! Hakkai is _not _alive! You did _not_ see him! That fucker Ikku _killed _him _right_ in front of me, and then those bastard _humans_ threw him out in the woods like a pile of trash! You're delusional! You're both delusional! Hakkai died! We all saw it! He couldn't just get up and walk away—he was _dead!_"

Goku recoiled a little, stared with big eyes.

"So don't you dare come around here and tell me that he's alive, that he's out there, this very moment, walking the earth and having a great time, 'cause I won't buy it! I watched him die, I felt him die, he was right beside me when he died, and I'm not going to hear any bullshit about running into him in the goddamn rain!"

"But…it really was him…"

Sanzo saw Gojyo's arm stiffen like he was going to strike; if he hit Goku…well, he couldn't even imagine Gojyo really actually hitting Goku like that.

In the end the kappa had enough control to refrain, but it was a close call. Sanzo walked a little closer, "Goku, go and wait for me inside, all right?"

The monkey turned his large, golden eyes on the Priest, "But Sanzo…"

"I want to talk to him alone."

Goku looked from Sanzo to Gojyo, then nodded and turned to walk away.

When he was gone Gojyo turned back to the river and Sanzo looked at him, "Gojyo-"

"I don't want to hear it, Sanzo. I don't want to hear how pathetic I am, or how useless I am or how stupid I'm being or any of your other famous put-downs. I know already. I'm aware of it all."

"I wasn't going to say any of that."

Gojyo tilted his head to look at him, "Then what were you going to say?"

Sanzo sighed, "You may not believe that we saw Hakkai, you may not believe that he's alive, but even if you're right, even if he _is_ dead, you've got to come with us…"

The kappa didn't say anything.

That seemed to be a good sign, a possible invitation to go on.

"I don't really know what you're trying to accomplish or what you think you're doing, but from what Hazel told me you're about two steps away from being berserk, if you're not already; you're a mess, physically, emotionally, and even if compared to Goku or Hakkai you don't seem like that much you are still a force to be reckoned with. You could do a lot of damage, and not just to other people, to yourself as well.

"This revenge isn't worth it. It obviously isn't going to fix the problem. It's not going to bring Hakkai back-assuming for sake of argument that he's dead-and it's not going to make you feel any better. It's not going to change what Hakkai did, and it's not going to change your worth in the world. Revenge…is sort of what got us into this in the first place. Hakkai had to have his revenge for Kanan, Ikku had to have his revenge for everything else, and now you've got to have your revenge on him, then someone will want revenge on you, and God knows Goku will want revenge for you, and me for him, and on and on and on. It's a big, ugly circle, and it's destructive. Someone has got to say 'I won't.' That's what this world is partly about, doing what you've got to do, no matter how much you don't want to."

Gojyo glanced at him, "Don't feed me your Buddhism shit right now, Sanzo, I'm so not in the mood."

"It's not Buddhism; it's a fact of life. We do what we've got to do to get by, and I don't think that you're so dumb that you don't know it. I think you're dumb-there's probably no one dumber-but you aren't that dumb. Even you can see what a mess this has made, and you're the kind of fool, idiot person who has to do the right thing; do you really think that this is the right thing? This senseless murder? Do you think it's what Hakkai wants you to do?"

The hybrid turned on him, "Don't talk about Hakkai as if he's alive, Sanzo! Maybe the monkey thinks he saw him, maybe the monkey thinks _you_ saw him, but you can't convince me that a level-headed, pessimistic asshole like you actually believes that Hakkai's alive!"

"He's looking for you Gojyo. I don't know why, but he is; I don't know what he'll do when he finds you, but I'm sure he will."

"Get out of here Sanzo. Just get the hell away from me. I don't know what you think you're gonna' get from lying to me about Hakkai being alive, but I'm not buying it, and I'm not going with you. I won't be your lackey anymore. That's what got _me_ into this. Hakkai and I were doing great without you, and we'd probably still be doing great if it weren't for you. He'd probably still be alive."

"I'm saying all this for you asswipe!"

"Oh don't even try to convince me that you magically give a damn about me now!"

"Of course I don't—you're an arrogant, stupid, dick-headed kappa, and I don't give half a shit about you, but you're destroying yourself. That bullet wound is obviously infected, you look like you haven't eaten or slept in days, and before long you'll be gone too. Do you want that?"

Gojyo just snorted and ground the cigarette into the railing.

Sanzo struggled to keep his composure. This had to work out somehow. He had to get through to Gojyo or all would be lost. "I know how you feel, all right. Hakkai was…my friend too…I don't like what happened anymore than you do…" he couldn't believe how hard it was to admit those things.

Clearly the words were earth shattering to Gojyo because he turned and stared at Sanzo, eyes as big as the moon.

"If we hurry we can still fix this and get moving west again before the revival."

Gojyo glared at him, "I see how it is now. You come around here, looking for me, spouting all your nonsense that you obviously don't believe, and all you really want is to get back on track with your precious journey west-"

"Gojyo-"

"I don't want to hear it, Sanzo," the kappa snapped, "I don't want to hear anymore bullshit. My friend is dead, and I am _not_ going to go one more step further into the west. I'm done." He turned and began to walk away, "You'd better find some replacement for me, because I'm done with being your little soldier."

Sanzo stared after him, not sure what to say; clearly there was no way to make Gojyo change his mind. At last he shouted after him, "Gojyo."

The Kappa hesitated long enough to look back.

The Priest's mouth was dry as he said, "When you go berserk…I'll have to kill you…you know that don't you?"

Gojyo didn't respond.

"Hakkai's going to be really pissed when he finds out that I had to kill you."

The kappa walked on, "Go to hell Sanzo, just go to hell."

He faded away into the dark.

Tatsuo sighed and breathed smoke. He was crouched beside the fire, letting it warm the morning chill out of him; It was Yunxu's turn to get breakfast, but in a way he wished it were his turn, that he could be on the hunt right then, letting the exercise work the stiffness out of his muscles. On the other hand, it was nice not having to do all of the work by himself. That was partly why he was so glad to be traveling with another youkai again.

The Kyuketsuki had always been a wanderer. Every now and then he'd been able to find a nice youkai village to stay in, but he never stayed for more than a few months before he was off again, supplies refreshed and sense of adventure renewed. The travels had started back when he was a young teenager and his brother, Kin, had been with him. They had been orphans since Tatsuo could remember, and had run away from foster care after learning that they were to be separated. For years they had roamed together, looking for some excitement. However, when Kin turned eighteen he met a woman and had decided to settle down, leaving Tatsuo to go on alone. Every now and then the Kyuketsuki went back that way to see his brother, but it wasn't often, and now he could hardly remember what he looked like. Maybe when he was done helping Yunxu he'd go back that way again.

Over the years he'd traveled alone, occasionally picking up a companion, the same way he'd met Yunxu; he enjoyed solitude, but nothing could compare to having the company of another sentient being. There had been so many mornings spent alone with his thoughts, in the stillness. He thought of those times now and hoped that Yunxu would be back soon. Besides, he was getting hungry.

Tatsuo took the lighter Yunxu had given him out of his pocket and lit a new cigarette. He couldn't remember when exactly he'd begun smoking. Somewhere between the ages of seventeen and nineteen. Kin had smoked for a long time and Tatsuo had always wanted to be like his brother. He turned the lighter over in his hands looking at it.

It apparently had cost someone some money. It was made of steel and had the shape of a cross on it. It was the nicest lighter he'd seen anyway. He wondered how Yunxu had come by it, especially since his mysterious friend didn't smoke. Ever. He didn't doubt that he had found it in that brown jacket he wore, the one that obviously wasn't his, alone with the Hi-Lites he'd given. He looked at the package as well: he wasn't a very heavy smoker so there were still a few left. He flicked the lighter, shut it and turned it over in his hands again, stopped to stare at the bottom.

There were two small letters engraved there, initials of some kind, and he wondered how he had missed them up until now. He took a long, hard look.

"S. G." What did that mean?

Tatsuo looked around for Yunxu but still didn't see him. Could the letters really mean what he thought they meant? S. G. Sha Gojyo. Could it be that this was _his_ lighter? If that was the case was jacket Yunxu wore his as well? Did the cigarettes belong to him? Where had Yunxu gotten that jacket anyway? He must have been wearing it when Soo-Lin brought him back; if that was the case why did he have it? Had Sha Gojyo given it to him?

The Kyuketsuki stood up, feeling that he was very close to discovering something, he only had to think about it a little harder.

Yunxu had said that the half-blood had been traveling with three other companions: a Sanzo priest, a kid with golden eyes, and one more man with a pet dragon, who was now supposedly dead. Cho Hakkai. But…wasn't that what the priest and the kid had been calling Yunxu that night in the rain? Hakkai. They had. Was it just a coincidence that Yunxu and this dead Hakkai had the same surname and looked so much alike that those two would make that kind of a mistake or was it something else? Something beyond coincidence?

Maybe Yunxu _was_ Cho Hakkai…if he was dead and had lost all his memories of an undetermined number of years…he had said after all that his real name was Cho Gonou but that he no longer wanted to be known as that because it had bad memories. He had changed it once, why shouldn't he change it again?

In that case Yunxu _was_ Hakkai, and he was supposed to be traveling with the priest and the other two. Why hadn't he seen that before?

Tatsuo got to his feet. He had to find Yunxu. This couldn't wait. It was too important.

To his left he heard footsteps in the bushes.

_Thank goodness he's back._

"Yunxu!" He ran in that direction, "Yunxu, I just figured something incredible out! You'll never believe it in a thousand years!"

Tatsuo stopped and stared. It wasn't Yunxu.

The blonde human stepped out of the bushes, smiling a little, fixed his pale eyes on the Kyuketsuki, "Good morning."

Then Tatsuo was looking down the long, black barrel of a gun.

There was a deafening, loud noise.

Hakkai heard the gunshot and turned around, startled and afraid. "Tatsuo?" he dropped the rabbit he was about to kill and it hopped away, grateful no doubt, that it had been spared. He took off running through the woods, back toward their camp, shouting for his friend. He stumbled into the clearing. The fire was dying peacefully, all of their belongings were there, but there was no sign of his companion. He took a moment to kick dirt on the remainder of the fire, then looked around, calling his friend's name. He heard a soft choking noise in the bushes and went in that direction, eyes fixed on the ground. There were two pairs of footprints leading off to the right. He stopped and stared hard into the darkness of the woods, not sure what he would find. It was too dark to see and he didn't sense anyone, so he kept walking.

By the time he found Tatsuo it was too late. His friend was lying on his back, a bullet wound in his stomach, blood polluting the grass. He was alive, but that wouldn't last long. Hakkai stared in horror and disgust, knelt and pressed his hand to the wound, "Tatsuo? What happened, who did this to you?"

The Kyuketsuki choked and grasped his friend's shirt, "Blonde…human…gunman…he shot me…"

"Shot you? Was it the Priest? Tatsuo!" Hakkai shook him a little, "Was it that priest we saw the other night?"

Tatsuo lifted a bloodied hand and pressed something hard and warm into Hakkai's hand, "Sha Gojyo…"

"What about him?"

"The lighter…" Tatsuo seemed very frustrated, blood bubbled up from his mouth as he tried in vain to speak, "Cho Hakkai…"

"Sh. Just stop talking. I'm going to heal you, but you've got to lay still."

Tatsuo shook his head a little, it fell back to the ground and he moaned, his eyelids fluttered.

"Tatsuo! Stay with me!"

The vampire stared up past his friend's face, gasping again, and abruptly stopped moving, his brown eyes fixed on something Hakkai couldn't see. His limbs went limp.

"Tatsuo! No. Come back…don't…" Hakkai sought a pulse, but there was none. He attempted CPR several times but it was no use. The bullet that had gone into his friend had shredded through organs and tissue, an ultimate tool of destruction.

At last Hakkai sighed and gave up; he rocked back on his heels and looked at the object Tatsuo had given him. It was the lighter. What was the urgency of that? It seemed now that he would never know. He put it back into the pocket of his jacket.

Only one thing seemed clear to him: a blonde human with a gun had shot his friend and left him to die, in cold blood. There was one human in Hakkai's mind that fit that description.

He gritted his teeth and clenched his fist, the anger burning through him as he considered what had happened. Tatsuo was the only shape of reality he'd found so far, he'd liked the kyuketsuki, he'd enjoyed his company, and now some arrogant bastard had taken that from him.

Hakkai looked back at his friend. He would give him a proper burial of course, pay his respects.

And then he would set back out on his quest to find Sha Gojyo. That had seemed important to Tatsuo since that was one of the last few things he'd said before dying.

But first he was going to find Priest Genjyo Sanzo and rip out his heart.

Hazel stared down at his pendant, brow drawn in thought. He should have taken the soul of the filthy youkai while he could have; he could always use more souls, and he was starting to run out. It had been pure luck to stumble across the filthy beast in the wilderness-there seemed to be fewer and fewer of them each day-but he'd seen it as a stroke of _good_ luck; now he wasn't so sure. After Gat had shot the animal Hazel had moved in to finish him off and take the soul, but there was already another youkai coming. Naturally he would have killed that one too, if he hadn't seen who it was.

When Hazel had seen the man standing at the fireside he hadn't been able to believe his eyes: green eyes, green clothes, those strange vine-like markings, there was just no doubt in his mind that it _was_ the gentleman with the spectacles—Hakkai. But hadn't Gojyo just gone off on a rampage only a few days ago because Hakkai was dead? There was no way that had been him standing at the fireside, and yet Hazel had no doubt that it was. He'd never forget the way that energy felt, the same energy he'd felt the night they'd fought the Seitan Taisei together. It had been that same, terrible trembling that had made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. It _had_ been Hakkai. There was no doubt. Some way or other he was back from the dead.

That posed another problem.

Hazel had always thought that he was the only one in Shangri-La capable of bringing the dead back from the grave, and he'd used that power purely to help the humans in this world, but if there was someone out there running around and reviving youkai that could be a powerful counteraction to his whole movement.

Whatever the case it had been Hakkai. Did Mister Sanzo know? What would he do? As far as Hazel had seen Hakkai wasn't wearing his limiter. Did that mean he was berserk? First Gojyo now Hakkai. Not to mention the Seitan Taisei; "Mister Sanzo's whole team seems t' be goin' ta hell."

"Hazel." Gat pointed down the road.

Far ahead of them they could see two men coming from the other direction, one had a golden head and was dressed in white like some kind of angel, the other was a little shorter with darker hair and a cape.

"That's them all right." Hazel put his hat on his head and walked forward a little faster. Clearly Sanzo and Goku had noticed and recognized them, and they seemed cautious. Hazel smiled.

"Good afternoon gentlemen. My, but isn't it a pretty day? Right perfect walking weather."

"Great. What do you want?" Sanzo growled.

Hazel didn't let that inhospitable, rude attitude bother him. In fact he'd come to enjoy it a little. It was a source of amusement at the very least. "Can't a feller just come by ta' say howdy t' some of his friends?"

"We aren't friends, Hazel, and you haven't come by for anything. As far as I'm concerned this is just a big accident."

Hazel frowned, "Mercy, sir, ya' could 'least call it a coincidence. Accident just seems so unfriendly."

"I don't have time for this. Goku, let's go." Sanzo pushed by, Goku followed him. It seemed unusual that the young man hadn't said anything yet. He looked depressed somehow, which was also strange.

"Still haven't found Mister Gojyo?" Hazel turned to follow them, "Or is he dead?"

"How lucky do you think I am? Of course he's not dead…not yet anyway."

"Dyin' then? I wouldn't be surprised a'tall if he was dyin', specially considerin' the shape he was in when I saw him last. Ya'll still lookin' for him then?"

"No. We found him. He just…isn't with us…"

"Goodness, that Mister Spectacles taking the long black train musta' really affected 'im eh? Fact, seems to me that ever since that Mister Spectacles died your whole, fine team's been goin' to pot."

Goku glared over his shoulder at him, "His name ain't mister spectacles, it's Hakkai."

"Right, right, sorry lil' fella', it's just I forget sometimes is all. Ya'll have got the most peculiar names."

"Welcome to the east." Sanzo grumbled. "What is it you want, Hazel?"

"I got some news about your friend Mister Hakkai."

"News?" Sanzo finally stopped and gave Hazel his full attention.

"Yessir; y' see, I know ya'll ain't gonna believe me, but…he ain't dead!"

"We knew that already. We're looking for him."

"'s That so? Well, got any idea of where ya'll should be lookin' at?"

Neither answered.

"We just saw 'im this mornin', didn't we Gat?"

Both of them stared at him with wide eyes. "Saw him? Where did you see him?"

"'Bout five miles back, just this mornin' saw 'im in the woods with another youkai."

"God _damn_ it all!" Sanzo threw his cigarette to the ground and stomped on it fiercely, "If we just had Jeep we could get this all wrapped up!"

"Jeep? Ya' mean that little white dragon that turns into an iron vehicle? Why I thought ya'll knew, sirs, he's with Mister Gojyo."

"Say what?"

"You mean that Jeep's been with Gojyo this whole time and that stupid kappa didn't say anything about it?"

"Guess so."

"I can't believe any of this. Come on Goku, we've got to hurry and find Hakkai if we ever want to get out of this mess."

"Right."

Like a shot the two of them took off running, and Hazel could only stand still and watch them go; he wondered if maybe he should have wished them luck.


	10. Memories

Memories

Memories

It was a nice afternoon for a drive and Gojyo felt for the first time that he was really leaving all of his problems behind. He let the smoke blow back past him as he drove. At least he still had Jeep. It was a nice change of pace to be the driver for once; he wondered if he should find Sanzo and let him take Jeep though. Not that Sanzo was a very good driver, still they would need him for going west, and Gojyo still wasn't sure where he was going. He didn't want to go home without Hakkai, and he didn't want to keep going west with Sanzo. For the moment he was wandering again. Maybe he would find a youkai village and hang out there until all this stuff with Gyumoah finally blew over, if it ever did. And if it didn't he wasn't going to find a place with the humans anymore. He might as well hope that the youkai accepted him.

The revenge was over anyway; there wasn't much point left in killing everyone; Ikku was dead, that was good enough, and he wasn't sure he'd be able to find all the people involved that night anyway. He'd killed ten of them, but that had just been a coincidence really. They'd been around. The rest, who knew where they'd gone? It had been over a week since Hakkai had died and now Gojyo was sure that all of those people had scattered, back into the shadows, especially if they'd heard about what he was trying to do.

Ikku was dead. He'd just have to settle with that.

Besides that, Gojyo couldn't get what Sanzo had said about revenge out of his mind. It had been one of the few times Sanzo had said something meaningful to him. Normally the Priest was a total dick and listening to him was painful, but every now and then he said something that made sense, and he was right about one thing, this revenge wasn't making anything better, it wasn't easing the grieving process, it wasn't bringing Hakkai back, it wasn't fixing anything, it had just been a temporary way to vent. Not that he was sorry. Not that he'd ever regret those lives he'd taken, or at least he didn't yet. He was still too angry.

Sanzo had also alluded to the fact that Hakkai wouldn't approve of this vengeance. That was likely true. If there was anything that Hakkai had shown Gojyo during his life it was the fact that killing a whole bunch of people probably wasn't a very good idea. That, as Sanzo had said, was part of what had gotten them into this. Hakkai had gone batshit killing people and they were never going to forgive him for it, no matter how hard he tried to move on. If Gojyo kept killing people, he wondered if he as well would be denied forgiveness and hunted and hated for what he had done.

Life really did seem like a big joke right then.

Maybe he _was_ going berserk. Maybe he'd already _gone_ berserk. How bizarre to think that he might be falling into the hands of whatever puppet master was behind this whole revival. It was almost scary to think that he could become one of Kougaiji's loyal followers. Of course, he wasn't sure that was possible. He was only half youkai after all, he didn't need a limiter, and he didn't really think he could go berserk. That was another part of his curse, another part of not belonging, not having a place in life, of being a total mutt. There probably wasn't even a point in trying to start his life over somewhere new. If he went back home, as Hakkai had said, he definitely wouldn't be welcome with open arms, and if he tried to find a youkai village to live peacefully in he'd likely be chased off. In actuality, Sanzo's little team had been the only place he'd ever fit so perfectly in. It was like a niche to him. He'd never felt better about himself than when he was giving Goku advice, or being there for Hakkai, he'd never felt more at home than when he was riding in the back of the jeep he was now driving, he'd never felt stronger than when he was kicking the shit out of assassins. It had become like a family to him. He'd been out here for so long, with the same three guys, doing the same old thing, living the same old way, that it had become natural. He was used to it. He wanted to be there.

Gojyo just couldn't imagine how anything could be the same now that Hakkai was dead. First of all it was going to take all four of them to actually complete the mission, and Hakkai was one of the strongest out of the group, and on top of that he'd always been a nice break from the annoyances of Goku and the asinine comments of Sanzo. Sometimes he was a nag, sometimes he was frustrating, sometimes Gojyo wished he could just get away from him, but that wasn't often. He had been a good friend, utterly reliable, always there when needed. In a way he held the whole team together. What would it be like if Gojyo went back and tried to endure the rest of the journey without him?

Something else was eating at him now though, and it wasn't something that Hakkai or Sanzo had said. Strangely enough it was something Goku had said. He'd come up to him so sincere, so compassionate-Goku was always good about being compassionate-those golden eyes of his glowing like the sun, full of sadness.

_We need you._

_No one needs me._

_We do._

_Who Goku? Who needs me? You and Sanzo? That's a joke! You've got Sanzo, he's got you, what more do you need._

Gojyo didn't feel that way anymore. He couldn't forget how Goku had looked at him, the desperation in his eyes, the sadness, almost as if he were saying _I understand how you feel. I understand that you're hurt…_

It seemed ridiculous, but somehow Gojyo was fairly certain that maybe Goku did understand, that maybe he did get the way that Gojyo felt. After all it hadn't been a secret that he and Hakkai had been best friends, that they had been like brothers, you could be blind and still see that, so maybe Goku in his somehow childish wisdom had understood that.

What really got him was what in the hell would happen to that kid now? Sure he had Sanzo. But Sanzo wasn't nearly as tough as he acted. He had a good will to live and strong survival skills and instincts, but when it came to a rough fight he usually came out torn to bloody hell. Could Goku protect him? And who was going to protect Goku? Goku was a tough little punk, he got by and normally came out on top, but he was still just a kid, and now there was no one there to watch his back. There was no one there to make sure he didn't eat too much. That had been Gojyo's role. Well, in part at least. He'd had the kid's back when he needed it, he was there to fight with him over the food, to make sure he didn't get a big head. There was still a lot that Goku didn't know about the real world, Sanzo wasn't going to bother.

That no good priest didn't have time. But more than that, he didn't know how. Gojyo had sensed before that Sanzo had some strange disability when it came to emotions. He didn't know how to show them, he didn't know how to deal with them or how to use them. That's why it had been so shocking to hear him admit that he was friends with Hakkai. It wasn't something he normally would have said, least of all to Gojyo; he was an intelligent guy, a good leader, but he wasn't emotionally there. He was close to Goku, but the kappa knew that if he gave it some time those two would both snap under the strain. Whenever Sanzo got into trouble Goku always seemed to lose it and go crazy on them; normally he and Hakkai were there to make sure nothing too horrible happened, but now that Goku and Sanzo were on their own there was no telling what might happen. As for Sanzo…Gojyo had seen what he'd done when Goku was attacked. He didn't know how to deal with the emotional stuff. Together they might be okay, but if something happened to one of them not only was the mission screwed but they both were too.

Maybe Hakkai wasn't there to hold it all together anymore, but Gojyo still was: Hakkai couldn't help dying, but _he_ was consciously deciding to run away, to let the team-his friends-down. He'd been going so long thinking he'd lost his only friend, that he'd lost all his value, but suddenly it hit him that that wasn't true.

_This revenge isn't worth it. It obviously isn't going to fix the problem. It's not going to bring Hakkai back…and it's not going to make you feel any better. It's not going to change what Hakkai did, and it's not going to change your worth in the world._

Gojyo hadn't lost his only friend, just his best friend. But Goku still needed him. And somehow, in some strange way, so did Sanzo. He and Goku were clearly friends, they worried about each other, they watched each other's backs; as for Sanzo, maybe the friendship was a little more strained, maybe it was rougher and they didn't appreciate everything about each other, but Gojyo knew that buried somewhere in his heart he had a lot of respect for Sanzo, that he, strangely enough, trusted him and even cared about him; he didn't want Sanzo or Goku to get hurt. They were his friends. And if he left he knew that he was condemning them both to go the same way Hakkai had. They were both going to die. He wasn't sure if he alone could prevent that or if he had what it took, or even if they would welcome him back after he'd ditched them, but he sure as hell wasn't going to run out on them, not when they needed him. And he very likely needed them as well.

"Hell with it."

Gojyo slammed on the brake and the jeep skidded to a stop. He spun the wheel around quickly and zipped into a u-turn, speeding back the way he'd come, just as the sun started to set.

Goku stopped and turned around. The sun was setting and the woods around him were getting creepy. It had been a few hours since he and Sanzo had seen Hazel and so far there was no sign of Hakkai.

"The problem," Sanzo panted, and Goku knew he was getting tired, "is that there's no telling which direction he went after Hazel saw him."

That didn't seem to be the biggest problem now though, not to Goku at least. He had the distinct feeling that they were being followed, though he wasn't sure who was doing the following. The road was empty in both directions, the light from the setting sun was making it look sort of a bloody color. He half expected to see the towering shadowy shape of an enemy behind them, but so far there was no sign that anyone was following.

He started to follow Sanzo again as the Priest was getting a little ways ahead of him with no sign that he even realized he was leaving Goku behind. He trotted a little to catch up. Somewhere in the trees he heard branches snapping and bushes shaking. He could smell something very like blood. His heart began to hammer.

"Sanzo?"

"God damn that Hazel, I wish he'd been a little more specific about where he saw Hakkai and when. This is maddening."

"Sanzo," Goku pressed closer to his friend, grabbing at his robe, "I think we're being followed."

The Priest stopped and looked back at his young charge. He had never ignored Goku before and the boy was fairly certain that he wasn't going to ignore him now either.

"By what?"

"Not sure. I just got this feelin' that…somebody's behind us."

"Hn." Sanzo looked around, started walking again, but took his gun from the folds of his robe, "Keep your eyes pealed Goku, you're probably right."

Goku nodded and continued to follow the Priest. He realized by now that he would probably follow Sanzo anywhere, so tight was the bond between them. He hated to be left behind. He hated to be anywhere without Sanzo. He had saved him, somehow, from something he didn't quite understand, and he'd taken care of him. There wasn't much difference in their ages, but Goku thought of him as a father figure. Or maybe as an older brother.

Like Gojyo.

The kappa was disgusting and lecherous, but he was dependable and reliable, always there if Goku needed him. Goku felt a little sad thinking about his lost friend. He missed Hakkai enough as it was, and watching Gojyo walk away in the other directions had been horrible. He and Sanzo had kept going west, never wavering from their mission, but Gojyo had gone the other way, obviously determined to do anything he could to help Hakkai. There was a real friend. Goku had kept watching over his shoulder, watching Gojyo get further and further into the distance, until he was so small he probably couldn't have heard him if he called. Goku _had_ wanted to call to Gojyo, he had wanted to run after him and go with him and try to find Hazel and help Hakkai and be part of that amazingly powerful friendship.

He'd watched that friendship in action before, he'd seen Hakkai and Gojyo do some crazy things for each other, and Goku had always thought to himself that that must be what it was like to have a brother. In a way he had looked to Sanzo to give him something similar, and in a way he knew that he had it, but it was more on his shoulders to drive it. Sanzo was his friend, and he knew that he cared about him, but he was obviously fighting it, trying very hard not to get attached to any of his traveling companions. Goku could hardly blame him after losing his master and father figure, 'th' other Sanzo', and he wondered if Gojyo would become like that too after losing Hakkai. He wondered if he'd ever see the red roach again; maybe this was the end of it. Maybe Gojyo would go off and die somewhere.

_We need you. Gojyo, we need you. Hakkai' needs you. He's out here somewhere, lookin' for ya'. Why didn't ya' come with us?_

The only thing that had kept Goku from running after his red-haired friend was the Sanzo priest he was in charge of protecting. In so many ways Sanzo was always protecting him, always there for him, but in a lot of ways Goku had to take care of Sanzo. After all, he was just a human, he wasn't very strong: tough, but not strong. Goku knew that if he left him, even for a moment, he'd be killed, his sutra would be taken, he might even be eaten. He wondered how Sanzo had ever survived on his own before.

He looked up at the priest's pretty, blonde hair. Somehow this tough-talking, charismatic man had them all under his control, even when he wasn't even strong enough to stand up to Gojyo in a fight. He had to be watched, or he'd be killed. A nice meal for a youkai.

What did Sanzo's taste like anyway? Lot's of youkai's had made references to what it was like to eat a Sanzo priest, but they'd never described what they actually tasted like. It must have been really, really good. Sanzo was pretty, his hair and eyes made him look god-like, but Goku couldn't imagine eating him. As far as he knew Sanzo was full of guts and blood and stuff like that, just like anything else. So what was the fascination with eating Sanzos?

"Damn." Sanzo stopped suddenly. "That's it, Goku, we're definitely being followed."

Goku stopped too and looked up at the Priest, then around at his surroundings, "D'you think it's Gojyo?" he asked hopefully.

"No. Hazel says that Jeep is with Gojyo, so he's probably driving. And he's probably going in the total opposite direction."

"Then…who…" Goku's eyes went wide as the figure emerged from the woods, his lips trembled and he pointed, "Sanzo…Sanzo, look…"

The Priest followed his gaze and stared as well, "Perfect."

He was coming out of the tree line, moving easily, stalking them like a big cat, claws glistening in the sunlight, eyes fixed on them, full of ferocity. The vines on his face and hands were clear, his teeth were showing, bright white fangs; he was wearing his green tunic with white pants, but he had on Gojyo's long, lost jacket. There was no mistaking this time. It wasn't dark. It wasn't raining. It wasn't too hot or too cold out. Goku knew he hadn't been drugged. It was very, very clear that the man standing before them was Hakkai.

Ultimately crushing any doubts, Hakkai spoke, "Priest Genjyo Sanzo, I've been looking for you."

"Hakkai," Goku groped for words, but he felt full of despair and anguish; their friend wasn't wearing a limiter, did that mean he'd gone berserk? Was he here to demand the sutra? "Hakkai…"

Sanzo spoke, "Hakkai, what the hell are you doing? Where's your limiter?"

"You seem to know me," Hakkai prowled closer, looking interested, "tell me, where's Sha Gojyo?"

"Gojyo's-"

"Gone." Sanzo interrupted. "That bastard jumped again, whatever you have to say to him you can tell me."

"Sanzo," Goku whispered, "can't you feel it? His youkai energy…it's-"

"I'll find him presently," Hakkai said, and it sounded like a promise, "right now I'm more interested in you, Priest Sanzo."

"Hakkai, I know you can't remember, but you're not yourself. Put your limiter on and come with us."

Hakkai laughed a little, but it wasn't the same, familiar laugh Goku was used to, rather, it was dark and frightening, "Do you plan to kill me as well, Sanzo? The way you killed Tatsuo? I may have been human once but those days are over now, I have left that life behind: I am youkai now, and I will live as one."

"Hakkai!" Goku shouted.

The youkai frowned, "Why do you call me that?"

"Because that's who you are!"

"My name is Cho Yunxu, _once_ it was Cho Gonou, but Gonou is dead, and only I remain."

"No! No! Don't you remember Ikku? Don't you remember us? We're your friends!"

"I have no friends," Hakkai lifted his hand and a small chi blast sprouted there, growing and growing, "Taste my vengeance, Priest."

Goku saw the chi blast coming, growing as it flew at Sanzo, threatening to swallow him up and kill him. The boy dove at Sanzo and knocked him down, just in time; the chi blast flew over their heads.

"Hakkai, what the heck is wrong with you?" Goku jumped up, summoning his nyoi-bo.

"He's not Hakkai anymore," Sanzo murmured, "for some reason he can't remember us at all."

Goku got in front of him. Whatever was wrong with Hakkai, he wasn't going to let him hurt Sanzo.

Hakkai dove forward, fists drawn. He threw one and Goku blocked it with his bo, held him off, straining with all his might. It was impossibly realistic how strong Hakkai was. His chi was on fire. His body was so strong. The look in his eyes was terrifying. Hakkai smiled and Goku felt his whole body shudder. That was the smile of a monster.

Out of nowhere, Hakkai kicked him in the stomach, launching him up into the air, sending him sprawling in the dirt. As soon as the boy looked up the other youkai was running at him again, kicking and punching, his eyes on fire. With a yelp, Goku sprang to his feet and managed to dodge the attack, blocked a few blows that were strong enough to make his bones buckle.

"Hakkai! Stop!"

With a flourish of his long hair, Hakkai struck Goku across the face, sending him flying backward where he landed at Sanzo's feet and sat up painfully.

"We can't fight him, Goku," Sanzo said grimly, "we can't get through to him; we're going to have to kill him."

The words make Goku furious and he jumped up, glaring at Sanzo, "We can't do that! He's our friend!"

"He's gone berserk."

"No he hasn't! He just doesn't remember." Goku charged his comrade, screaming a battle cry, he hefted nyo-bo to swing at him.

As if he didn't even have to think about it, Hakkai created another chi blast. It looked small and Goku prepared to dodge it. Just when it was a few feet from him, he leapt to the side, but the blast suddenly expanded. "Crap!" Goku tried to jump away, but something grabbed his ankles. He looked down to see a long, green vine wrapped around his legs. He looked back up at the oncoming blast and screamed, shielding his face with his arms.

"Goku!" Sanzo screamed.

The boy panted and tried to wipe the blood from his face, but it was gushing from a wound on his forehead. He stared at Hakkai through his blurry vision. The other youkai was smiling.

A gun shot rang out. Hakkai leapt away, the bullet barely scraping his arm.

"Sanzo! Don't!" Goku screamed, turning on his companion, who was taking aim again.

"Shut up Goku! Can't you see he's trying to kill you? We don't have a choice!"

"No, we've got to try to reason with him! Whatever made him forget, he's got to be able to remember!"

Hakkai appeared behind Sanzo, twisted back to strike.

"Sanzo, behind you!"

The Priest spun around, gun flashing at the muzzle. One bullet delved into the flesh of Hakkai's arm, but it wasn't enough to stop him and he struck Sanzo across the face, knocking him in the dirt.

"Sanzo!" Goku ran at him, swung his bo and was blocked, swung again and again, being blocked and dodged, only a handful of blows actually finding their target.

Sharp pain shot through his skull and he found himself in the dirt, nyoi-bo wrenched away from him. He watched in horror as Hakkai stood over him and kicked him in the ribs so hard that he found himself airborne. Goku coughed a little and pain lanced over his body as Hakkai beat him down again with his own weapon. The earth split open when he landed. A cloud of dust rose.

Sanzo was back on his feet, screaming. The gun fired a few more times, but Hakkai had no trouble dodging them. Goku watched him go at Sanzo with the bo, doing his best to bust the human's skull open.

"Crap…he's really strong…"

Goku tested his limbs. He had to help Sanzo. As far as he could tell there was no permanent damage, a few bruises maybe, but nothing that should be able to keep him out of the fight for very long. He climbed to his feet and dove at Hakkai, tackling him. He sat astride him when they landed in the dust together and started beating on his face for all he was worth, blood streaming down his face, from his mouth and forehead.

Hakkai kicked him off and Goku performed a neat backflip to land on his feet, just as Hakkai sprang up again, two more chi blasts ready to go. The boy dodged the first and got burnt by the second. He danced back over to Sanzo, who was just getting back up himself.

"Now do you see, you stupid monkey? He's doing his best to kill us!"

"But, Sanzo…it's _Hakkai._"

"Not anymore. If we want to get out of this alive we've got to finish him."

"I don't know if we can…he's so strong."

"Well we've got to try. You go at him and I'll aim around you to shoot him."

Spitting a little blood out, Goku glanced back at the priest. He had always trusted Sanzo before; he could trust him on this couldn't he? If Sanzo said it would be best to kill Hakkai then wasn't it true? For the first time, he wasn't so sure.

There wasn't more time to debate though, Hakkai was coming back for more, and he looked enraged. With the blood streaming down his face and the fearsome look in his eyes he really did appear to be a demon straight out of hell.

Goku went at him, fists ready; he heard the gunfire, felt the bullet zip past his head; then there was a bone-breaking impact under his chin and he found himself flying high into the slowly darkening sky. When he landed, Hakkai was standing over him, completely unscathed: he had dodged the bullet _and_ kicked him in the face, somehow. He was awesomely powerful. Goku felt himself beginning to black out and knew he wouldn't be around to enjoy it for much longer.

The boy forced himself to his feet, "Listen to me, Hakkai."

"My, you certainly are a resilient one."

"It's 'cause I'm fighting for my friends…"

"Well, so am I, if you must know. But I find it hard to believe that you consider that corrupted Priest your friend."

"He _is_ and _you_ were once too—I dunno' why ya' can't remember, but we're you're friends, Hakkai, we were all goin' west together when Ikku attacked."

"I'm sorry, I don't know who that is. And I may resemble this Cho Hakkai, but I'm certain that I'm nothing like him."

"No," Goku whispered, searching his once-was comrade's eyes and seeing nothing of the old Hakkai he knew, "you're not."


	11. Pair of Jacks

Pair of Jacks

Pair of Jacks

A raindrop fell. Then another. Goku watched them explode on the ground like tears. It was as if the whole world was crying. Just like he'd been crying that night Hakkai died. Crying and crying like there was no tomorrow. The tears falling; he remembered watching them drip one after another from Gojyo's bloody face, onto Hakkai. Why couldn't Hakkai remember that? Why did any of this have to happen? It seemed so hopeless now. Hakkai couldn't remember who he was, Gojyo was who knew where, and he and Sanzo were about to die: killed by their own friend. The revival would go through. Kougaiji would win. Everything they had ever done together was for nothing, unless somehow Goku could beat Hakkai, save Sanzo's life and they could keep going west, just the two of them.

"Sanzo? D'ya' want me t' take off my diadem?"

There was silence. The boy looked back into Sanzo's serious, purple eyes.

"No Goku. Nothing is worth that…"

"Diadem?" Hakkai studied the golden crown on Goku's forehead. Then he smiled a vicious grin. "I see. So you're a youkai too."

"Hakkai…you're a youkai now, but ya' weren't always one of us—ya' were a human once, remember? An' I know that somewhere in your heart you're _still_ a human."

"You're wrong. I am clouded. I am empty. There is no humanity left in me."

_Then he really _has_ gone berserk…_

"In that case…I'll hafta' kill ya." Goku reached down and picked up the nyoi-bo, "I'm sorry Hakkai."

The rain was pouring now, soaking all three of them, drenching them to the skin and making them cold. At the same instant, the two youkai attacked each other, fighting for all they were worth. Hakkai clawed into Goku spilling his blood. Goku smashed against Hakkai with his Nyoi-bo, doing as much damage as he could. They both became bloody and ragged, their breath was heavy and uneven, their hearts hammered. They smiled and looked into each other's eyes and fought on.

All the while the sky grew darker.

Sanzo watched from a distance. He felt real pain in his heart, a kind of pain he'd not felt in a long time, the kind that had haunted him after the death of his master. Here he was: he had lost all of his friends. Hakkai had gone berserk, obviously, Gojyo was off dying, and Goku was fighting to the death with one of his own closest friends. How could Sanzo ever walk away from this and not be scarred? He cursed the Three Aspects for sending him to do this. They had known from the beginning that this journey would ruin what little he had salvaged of his life, what little Hakkai had salvaged, and whatever peace Goku and Gojyo had found. All of it was being destroyed.

Somewhere in the back of his head Sanzo could hear the engine of a vehicle. He paid no attention to it. After all, it was a road, and he was more concerned about the predicament he and Goku were currently in. However, as it got closer Sanzo began more and more to realize how odd it was to hear and engine out here. He was used to it because he'd been riding in Jeep for the last year and a half, but the truth was that hardly anyone else owned a car, especially around these parts. After a moment headlights came into view and Sanzo had to tear himself away from the fight to stare as their own jeep suddenly came flying down the road. There was a screeching of tires, the driver screamed an obscenity, and then the jeep swerved to the side so severely that it almost rolled. Gojyo stood up as the dust began to clear, his red hair looking dark in the fading light and rain. He looked cold and wet and miserable, but seemed outraged, "Hey assholes! What the hell do you think you're doing in the middle of the-"

He stopped shouting and stared at them. "Shit! You guys! What are you doing out…"

The fight had stopped.

Gojyo found himself facing his comrades again, and not just Sanzo and Goku. It took him a moment to notice the third man in the road, and then even longer to realize who it was, and then even longer to actually come to terms with it. He jumped out and moved forward, gaping, unable to believe what was standing right there in front of him, "H-Hakkai…"

"Gojyo! Don't!"

The half blood heard Sanzo but his mind couldn't really understand what he meant. Don't what? Why not?

"Hakkai, I thought you were dead…I thought…you are Hakkai, aren't you?"

The youkai in the road sure looked like Hakkai—he was the right height and the right age, he looked the right way, he was dressed like Hakkai, he was even wearing Gojyo's own jacket, just as he had been on that night; but the man staring back at him with those enraged, green eyes, that couldn't be Hakkai. That man didn't know Gojyo. He could see it on his face.

Gojyo didn't care then. He didn't care who it really was or why Hakkai didn't know who he was, all he cared about was that his best friend was standing right there, alive, a little battered, but alive none the less. That was all he wanted to know. That was all he wanted to think about. He ran forward. "Oh my God! Hakkai! What happened to you? Where the hell ya' been? Don't you realize what you've put us all through?"

Sanzo grabbed him roughly by the shirt and held him back, "Gojyo! Don't go near him!"

"What're ya' talking about don't go near him? It's Hakkai! You said he was alive—you were right! God, I should have listened to you! It's Hakkai! He's alive!"

"He's alive," Sanzo muttered, and Gojyo noticed for the first time that it was that same hushed, strained voice the priest only used when he was afraid, "but he's not himself. Look at him Gojyo; he's gone berserk. We were too late."

"Berserk?" Gojyo studied the youkai with new perception. He sensed a lot of rage and a lot of grief, he could see those emotions in his friend's face, but Hakkai had _not_ gone berserk. He didn't believe it. He couldn't. He'd known Hakkai too long to admit that those emotions betrayed anything beyond the emotional upset he was dealing with.

"No. No he hasn't!" he wrenched away from Sanzo.

"Yes he has, you idiot! Look at him! He's trying to kill us!"

"He must have a good reason, just talk to him!"

"That _won't_ solve this Gojyo—he's not the Hakkai we knew, he's forgotten us, he's lost it, and if we try to reason with him he'll kill _us!_ We've got to kill him before he gets that chance!"

Sanzo's words made Gojyo so angry he just couldn't control himself. Giving into that rage and disbelief Gojyo swung at Sanzo and punched him in the face so hard it knocked him back against Jeep, "Don't you tell me that! Not after all that! He's not berserk Sanzo!" he looked at Hakkai again, immersing himself in the energy he sensed. Hakkai was just staring back at him, like he couldn't believe it. No. That wasn't the face of someone who'd lost their sanity. That wasn't the face of someone who had no control. "Just confused."

The half-blood half expected Sanzo to fly into a rage and attack and hit him back, but instead the Priest righted himself and said quietly, "I know that everything that's happened has been hard for you Gojyo, but you've just got to admit it now; Hakkai is gone, even if he _isn't_ dead. If you want to talk to him you can try, but he's going to try to kill you. Know that."

Gojyo didn't answer, only kept walking forward.

Goku hissed, "Gojyo, be careful—he's crazy strong."

"Thanks kid."

Gojyo stopped. He was standing just a few feet from his friend, staring at him. The rain and the cold and the despair he felt took him back over four years and made him remember the night he'd seen him for the first time, the night that had changed his life. The man before him was full of rage and had pointed ears and strange birthmarks, but something had not changed.

"So you…" Hakkai spoke quietly, "you are Sha Gojyo…?"

"That's me. Hey, you've got my jacket: hope it's been keeping you warm, 'cause it ain't been doing much for me."

"I didn't know it was yours…the lighter, it's also yours then…?"

"Huh? You've got my lighter?"

Hakkai showed him the tool.

"Sunnova bitch! I've been looking all over for that!"

The youkai tossed it to him and Gojyo pocketed it and they looked at each other again.

"I've been looking for you," Hakkai admitted, "for a very long time, Sha Gojyo."

"Yeah? You got something on your mind Hakkai?"

The hybrid's voice was soft. It interested Hakkai. This man wasn't like the others. He had sensed some level of emotion in them, but this man had something else…something stronger.

"My name is Cho Yunxu; approximately one week ago I woke up in the house of a mage called Soo-Lin; this mage told me that for some time I had been dead and that she had restored me using some type of craft. However, much to my misfortune, I discovered that I could not recall some number of years of my past life. I remember that I was called Cho Gonou once and that my lover, Kanan, was killed by youkai, and that by killing a thousand of them I fulfilled legend and took this form myself. Everything beyond that is lost. I do not know where I have been for the last four years."

"A mage?" Sanzo muttered, "That explains a lot."

"While I was with Soo-Lin she had me look into a strange pool of water and told me that there I would find some answers. Unfortunately all that I saw in the water was you, a child of taboo, and nothing more. Since that day I have been using every resource available to me in order to find you, in hopes of being given answers. Just this morning, that human," he gestured to Sanzo, "murdered my traveling companion, Tatsuo the Kyuketsuki, out of cold blood. That alone has brought me here, but I did not expect to see you arriving to aid these men."

Gojyo nodded, "Kind of a fucked up week huh?"

Hakkai laughed a little, an almost familiar ghost of his former mirth, "Something like that. Now, Sha Gojyo, this search has ended, can you answer my questions? Can you tell me where the last four years of my life has gone?"

Slowly the hybrid lit a cigarette, pondering what Hakkai had said. He couldn't believe all this. He'd been so close to Hakkai when he'd gone back to the village with Hazel, and then Hakkai had been running all over the world looking for _him_. Even though he'd lost his memories it seemed that some part of them was still bonded. He nodded, "You've been with me man."

"You?"

"I found ya' dying in the rain a little over four years ago, we were roommates for a while until this Priest came to recruit us for a mission going west. Sort of a long story."

"I see." Hakkai pondered that.

Gojyo stared at him; he was relieved to be reunited with his friend, but even then some pain was left. "Hakkai?" he said quietly, "Can you really not remember any of that?"

"I'm afraid not. Tell me Sha Gojyo, how did I die? How did I lose these memories?"

"There was a youkai, he wanted revenge on you after you destroyed everyone in Hyakuganmaoh's castle; he came after us and wanted to kill us three. He almost killed me…you got in the way."

"I died saving you?" Hakkai grinned a little, "Oh my, that doesn't sound quite like me, does it?"

"Not anymore I guess… Hey Hakkai,"

"Yunxu."

"Whatever. Look, let's just get in the Jeep and go, all right? We can help you remember along the way."

Hakkai studied the Jeep, "Go where? West? With Priest Sanzo and that boy? Forgive me if I seem rude, but they have both spent the last hour fighting with me, and I still have business to settle with the Sanzo."

"What business? You think Sanzo killed your friend? Hey man, I don't know about any Kyuketsuki, but that doesn't sound like Sanzo to me, you must have the wrong human."

Hakkai hesitated and looked at Gojyo with such intensity that the half-blood felt his stomach flop. He touched his claws to the hybrid's face, "I don't really know you anymore Sha Gojyo, but you seem to know me quite well; I will go west with you, but I will not turn a blind eye to the death of a friend. The human must die."

Gojyo shuddered a little as Hakkai stepped away, he stared after him; he could hear his own heartbeat beginning to race again, faster and faster until it felt like it was trying to rip right out of his chest. He grabbed Hakkai's arm.

The Youkai glared at him, "Can I help you?"

"You can't kill Sanzo, all right? It's a mistake, I know it is, and if you kill him you'll regret it."

"Is that a threat _half-blood?_"

"What? No. I just can't let you kill Sanzo and Goku."

"Well then," Hakkai's voice was cold, "maybe you'd like to die as well."

"Wha-"

Hakkai slashed at him and Gojyo jumped away just in time, the claws slashed his bare shoulder and he felt white-hot blood oozing there. He stared at his friend through the rain and the lightning.

"Then back _off_ Gojyo."

Hakkai turned and made his way toward Sanzo once more. The Priest had his gun. Goku was standing between them, bo in hand, looking torn by what he had to do. Gojyo watched the youkai go toward them. Had he really gone berserk? Had he really lost his humanity? Was it best to let him die?

No. That couldn't be the way. Hakkai wasn't berserk, he was just confused. He couldn't let Sanzo and Goku kill him, and he couldn't let Hakkai kill Sanzo and Goku. It might be kind of nice just traveling with Hakkai, no Sanzo or Goku to get in the way of a peaceful day, but…

He'd been that route before and had concluded that it wasn't worth it. Whatever happened, these three had to all come out alive.

With a shout, Gojyo ran at Hakkai and took him down, grabbing him by the waist and swinging him to the wet ground. Hakkai snarled and tried to lash out. The two of them wrestled on the ground, Hakkai trying to sink his claws in wherever he could, Gojyo struggling to pin him.

The youkai kicked the hybrid off and Gojyo found himself sprawled in the mud gasping from pain as some of his old wounds were broken open. Then Hakkai was on him, a handful of his hair in one fist, the other grabbing at his shirt, fangs flashing. Gojyo tried to throw him aside, felt his shirt being ripped. He punched Hakkai's face, his knuckles aching from the motion, the fractured bones buckling. Goku was right about one thing, youkai Hakkai _was_ crazy strong, and Gojyo knew that if this fight lasted too long _he'd _be the one in the rain, dead.

He punched Hakkai in the stomach a few times, but there was little affect; he felt himself being ripped into and half-screamed, leaping back to avoid being minced. He stumbled and fell. Hakkai came down on top of him, pinning him by the throat, the claws sinking in just a little. Gojyo choked and stared up into those horrible green eyes.

"I should have known better." Hakkai muttered. "I put a lot of trust in you, I thought finding you would solve everything, but it was just another letdown."

"Hakkai…" Gojyo muttered, "please-"

"Don't call me that!" Hakkai screamed, his voice sounding somewhat desperate, "Whoever I've been for the last four years is gone now! Get over it and stay out of my way!"

Gojyo shuddered and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath, "No he's not…Hakkai's not gone. I can feel him in there…he's not gone—I remember him: that stupid smile, that creepy laugh, the neat-freak manners…the OCD demands…it all still exists."

"In your mind perhaps Gojyo, but your friend is gone…"

"Too bad…he was a really good friend too. The best a guy could ask for. Oh sure, he had his flaws, his little idiosyncrasies that drove me nuts and scared the shit out of me, but there couldn't be a better guy anywhere."

Hakkai released his grip just a little, "Me? How could a murderer make a good friend?"

"You don't meet a guy who'd die for you every day."

"I wouldn't die for you!" Hakkai snarled, the grip cinching again so that Gojyo could hardly breathe.

"But…you did…you did die for me, Hakkai…you stood right there—you knew what you were doing. When Ikku threw that blast we both knew it was over for me. I just didn't count on you getting in the way like that. I don't know what the hell possessed you, but I kinda' wish it had been me instead. It's been nothing but hell since that night Hakkai…can't eat, don't wanna' sleep…chicks're no good, you've got me all fucked up…dyin' like that and then pulling a stunt like this…you oughta' make up your own goddamn mind…"

Hakkai didn't answer. He seemed to be thinking. Gojyo reached into his pocket and touched the cold steel of Hakkai's power limiter.

His friend was still just looking at him, his gaze full of flames.

"Whatever. Go ahead and kill me. I don't wanna' see what this world's gonna' be like if Sanzo doesn't make it to Houtou castle in time."

A moment passed and all Gojyo could hear was the rain. He held his breath and hoped that somehow Hakkai would make the right decision.

When the youkai spoke again his voice was shuddering, "I-I'm not going to kill you…I just wish I could remember this Hakkai that you're talking about." He removed his hands from Gojyo's throat and touched his own forehead, as if he had a headache, and Gojyo found that he could breathe again.

"Why? Why can't I…remember anything? I want to remember. It's very difficult not knowing who I am, but I thought that maybe if I found you…_when _I found you, that somehow…That's why I was looking for you…ah…maybe I have gone berserk."

Gojyo studied him a moment. Trying to decide what he should do. Hakkai's words distressed him. He didn't want his friend to be berserk, he didn't know how he could fix this, but he sensed that it was all up to him, that he was the only one who had a chance at getting things back to normal.

With a sigh, Hakkai rose and turned away, "I suppose I have no right to kill the human. I'll go now…"

"Hakkai! Wait!" Gojyo got to his feet, ignoring the pain it caused him, "Don't just give up like that! Look, we can help you."

"How? How can you help me? There's no way, I'm beyond saving."

"Just…" he pulled the cuffs out of his pocket, "just put your limiter on, okay?"

Hakkai glared back at him, "I don't think hiding my true form will solve this. My strength is not the problem, it's my mind."

"I know that, dammit, just listen to me—you were a youkai when you died, but maybe your human side still remembers. Maybe if you reconnect with your humanity it will wake something up!"

Hakkai didn't answer.

"Hakkai!"

"Never mind, Gojyo, it's time for me to go…before I kill you too."

Gritting his teeth, the hybrid ran at Hakkai and slammed against him, knocking him to the ground. The youkai was so stunned he couldn't react, and Gojyo had the opportunity to clip the cuffs in place, restrained the snarling youkai the best he could.

Hakkai screamed with rage and clawed at his ear, but his fingernails were going back to normal, his hair was shortening again, the vines were fading, and soon it was nothing but a human laying there, pinned, staring up at Gojyo like he'd never seen him before, his eyes wide and lost, like those of a child, the fire in them going out slowly.

"I don't think you're berserk!" Gojyo practically screamed. "There's just no way! I believe in you Hakkai! I friggin' believe in you—doesn't that mean _anything_ to you!"

"I-I…"

"Shut up and listen. Even if you don't know me anymore I still remember who you are, and I trust Hakkai with my life. You may not know me, but the fact that I believe in you still should mean _something!"_

Hakkai stared at him, but he looked more calm now, as if he were beginning to understand.

Gojyo took a deep breath, knowing he only got one shot at this. "What're ya' thinkin' Hakkai? Trying to make me look bad? Quit it damn you. Just cut it out. I save your life, you save mine, how long are we gonna' go around and around like this? I saved you because I wanted to, and I've never regretted that. You wanted a job so it wouldn't feel like I was taking care of you, but you were always taking care of _me._ I need you…you know I need you. And I know you need me. You need us. That's why you can't just walk away."

Hakkai had closed his eyes now, and Gojyo could see that there were tears hovering beneath his eyelids. That seemed to be a good sign.

"People say we've got nothin' in common, but I think we do. Reading the flow of the cards can only get us so far. Nothing comes without a bit of luck, right? Guess maybe I shoulda' let you die in the rain. Guess maybe you shoulda' let Ikku kill me. Maybe I should let you die now. But…people don't change that easily do they…?" Gojyo managed a smile through bloodied lips, "Jack of all trades…"

His friend's voice was hoarse and quiet as he spoke, "…master of none…"

"Now you're getting it."

"Gojyo…" Hakkai opened his eyes, and now Gojyo could see that he was back, that whatever had possessed him was gone, and his memories were strong and clear. He reached up with reverence and traced one of the scars under the hybrid's left eye, whispering, "I thought I lost you…I thought Ikku was going to kill you…"

"I'm all right."

"I…got you into this…" Hakkai closed his eyes again.

"Hey man, forget about it." Breathing a sigh of relief, Gojyo slumped over onto his side, exhausted. He closed his eyes as well; his wounds were aching again, each of them torn open from the fight, the broken bones throbbing, the open wounds stinging. The rain on his face felt cool and refreshing. "Just forget about it."

They both lay still for a moment in the rain, letting it was over them, breathing in the silence. Gojyo felt Hakkai sit up, felt his warm hands touch him one on the arm that had been shot, the other on the stomach where Toku had ripped him open so long ago. He felt heat emanating from those hands, burning his flesh, his breath shuddered and his brow creased as the healing process began. He opened his eyes slightly and looked at Hakkai, surprised to see his friend smiling down at him, the same, familiar Hakkai smile.

He'd never been so happy to see it in his life.

Hakkai watched as the rising sun grew higher and higher in the sky. He was sitting on the hood of Jeep, thinking. His memories were coming back to him in a flood, and the more he thought the more memories were awakened. He would never really understand what had made them go in the first place, but he got the feeling that it had to do with Gojyo. Perhaps in some way his subconscious had recognized that in death he had lost his friends, and because of it, when he was reawakened by Soo-Lin those memories had been shut off as a result of post-traumatic stress. Perhaps that was what the mage had meant by being touched by the hand of Shinigami. In that case Gojyo had been able to reach in and find them by touching on memories that meant a lot to both of them, by reminding him that those times weren't over yet and that they shouldn't be forgotten. He was glad he could remember his life. There had been some difficult moments in it, losing Kanan and such, but he realized for the first time that he didn't want to forget any part of his life: they made him who he was, whether it was someone to be proud of or not. Even the new name he had chosen for himself had changed just depending on what came after Kanan's death. He had always liked the name Yunxu, and he realized that he had considered it four years ago while trying to decide on a new name; meeting Gojyo and Sanzo and Goku had altered his decision somehow. He said his name now, quietly, to himself, relishing not just the way it sounded but what it meant and who it represented: a good friend. Someone who would do what was right, no matter what his past showed. Someone admired and loved by his friends. The ordeal had renewed the sense of purpose within him.

After Kanan's death he had tried so hard to cleanse himself, to become someone new, someone worth being. He had tried to remove the violence from his life. But Hakkai had learned that violence was a part of life, and sometimes it was necessary, especially when protecting a loved one.

He thought back to the night he'd saved Gojyo from Banri's shady partners, the night he thought of as when he'd taken Gojyo an umbrella; that had been a difficult moment for him. He, a young murderer who had recently promised to never fight again, had found himself torn between the decision of breaking that promise or losing someone he loved. For a long time he had questioned that decision, wondering if Gojyo had been worth that broken promise.

Now, four years later, as he watched his friend come away from the camp, looking himself for the first time in a long time-jacket and headband back in place, cocky smile on his face-he felt that he had finally discovered the answer.

"Hey there." Gojyo sat beside him and blew smoke up into the sky.

"We're almost ready to be on our way again, I suppose?"

"Yeah, Sanzo's over there puttin' the monkey in his place."

"After a week like this one, it's almost strange to be moving on. Sometimes, after a catastrophe, it's hard to remember that life can go on."  
"Hn. You're telling me."

Hakkai studied his friend. "Was it hard? Seeing me lying there like that?"

"Of course it was Hakkai…it was one of the worse things I've had to go through in my life."

Hakkai smiled a little, "Sorry about that…I guess I didn't feel I was strong enough to put myself through that."

"Yeah. You're pretty selfish."

"But then, you'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

Gojyo dropped the cigarette and ground it into the dirt, "Let's see."


End file.
